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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking a Switch out of a child’s life without it feeling like a punishment?

145 replies

Howtodothiswell · 10/01/2023 16:07

I am really stuck with this one. Older DS (8) got a Nintendo Switch for his birthday in the summer. I wasn’t mega keen, but all his friends have one so we did it. But younger DS (5) also got into the habit of playing. They play 1 hour each on a Saturday and a Sunday and that’s it. Never any extra time.

Younger DS is neurodivergent (we suspect) and he absolutely cannot handle the idea of the Switch being in the world without him playing with it. He talks about it nonstop. He dreams about it at night. He begs and begs for extra time. He steals it and plays when he’s not supposed to when we haven’t hidden it well.

It is making him utterly miserable! I think it’s pretty bad for his mental health. Apparently it’s all he talks about at school.

How do I remove it from his life without it seeming like a punishment?

He’s almost 6 and is just not ready.

My parents’ advice was “say he can only play it a day when he’s been good all day - something you know he can’t do - so then he’ll never get it again.” (I hate the words “good” and “naughty”). I think doing this will just make him hate himself so I’m not doing this!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtodothiswell · 10/01/2023 16:20

Bump!

OP posts:
Believ · 10/01/2023 16:23

I'd say maybe it's because you are so strict on only allowing 1 hour a week, seems really OTT to me.

Original poster
Howtodothiswell · 10/01/2023 16:24

They get two hours - one each weekend day (Saturday and Sunday)

OP posts:
Albgo · 10/01/2023 16:25

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/obsessions/all-audiences

Might be some useful information here?

WindUpPenguin · 10/01/2023 16:25

Just let them both play it a bit more? He'll probably get bored of it and move onto something else.

Clouddrifting · 10/01/2023 16:26

Electronic items ‘break’ from time to time. Or require an update that takes them out of action for as long as they take to either forget about it or be less obsessive.

As the parent I think you need to make your child’s life a bit easier but getting rid of the switch and therefore a small lie is justified and means the switch can reappear in the future if you want it to.

Xrays · 10/01/2023 16:26

2 hours a week ?! 😳

No wonder they’re obsessed with it. I think you need to loosen up a little.

My son has asd, he’s 10 and he - like a lot of children with autism- loves screens and gadgets. We actually don’t restrict them apart from at bedtime obviously. He knows he can come on and off as he wishes and that in turn means he gets bored and wants to do something else. A lot of children with autism struggle to play with toys as such because they don’t have the imagination skills and tablets etc can actually be calming. Disclaimer - we do go out a lot and he’s very into playing football so he’s not glued to them non stop! Maybe a couple of hours on and off after school each day and more in between activities at the weekend.

I know others will be horrified but there we go.

I had the same approach with dd now aged 19 and she’s at university doing very well so hasn’t done much harm….!

Busybody2022 · 10/01/2023 16:26

2 hours a week is a bit obsessively tight. I'd spread the time limit over the week.

Believ · 10/01/2023 16:28

Howtodothiswell · 10/01/2023 16:24

They get two hours - one each weekend day (Saturday and Sunday)

I stand by my first comment, it's OTT

underneaththeash · 10/01/2023 16:28

Believ · 10/01/2023 16:23

I'd say maybe it's because you are so strict on only allowing 1 hour a week, seems really OTT to me.

Not for a 5 year old. None of my children would have played computer games at all at that age.

I'm not sure what you can do OP - unless you keep it really consistent and have reminders before and after they play.

If you do want to take it away from him, you'll need to remove him from the house when your 8 year old plays and say it's broken.

MichelleScarn · 10/01/2023 16:28

So was it a joint present then, if they get it equal time? Maybe that's the issue and he sees it as his and his brother's?

Sweepies · 10/01/2023 16:28

You can set playtime limits and a pin for access under parental controls on the settings, this may be worth doing. When the time runs out it'll essentially be an useable brick and hopefully he'll learn in time to be patient and not as obsessed.

5 seems quite young to be so interested in gaming, particularly with a switch which tend to have more complex games for older children (as opposed to a tablet with apps/games for example) what games is he playing on it?

Original poster
Howtodothiswell · 10/01/2023 16:29

Albgo · 10/01/2023 16:25

That’s very interesting!

ADHD is what we’ve long suspected for DS, but I know there can be some overlaps with autism. He doesn’t have the stereotype traits (he’s very good at reading people / making friends / maintaining eye contact etc), but I must admit I don’t know much about the spectrum.

This obsessive behaviour here fits with the Switch for him definitely!

The other reason why I think it’s misery-making is that he spends a lot of the time he’s on it crying / sounding frustrated because he wants to play the games his brother plays, but is too young.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtodothiswell · 10/01/2023 16:30

MichelleScarn · 10/01/2023 16:28

So was it a joint present then, if they get it equal time? Maybe that's the issue and he sees it as his and his brother's?

It was definitely his brother’s, but we didn’t think it was fair (at the time) not to let him.

His brother is old enough, can handle ir, would like more time but does not have a disordered relationship with it at all.

OP posts:
FlounderingFruitcake · 10/01/2023 16:34

5 seems quite young to be so interested in gaming, particularly with a switch which tend to have more complex games for older children (as opposed to a tablet with apps/games for example) what games is he playing on it?
I don’t think it’s accurate to say it tends towards older children. We have a Switch and our 5YO will play Mario Kart (car racing) or Mario Party (silly group games) with her cousins when they come to visit so once a month-ish. And we got her a My Little Pony game for a recent long haul flight. I’ve also seen a Paw Patrol game in the shops.

takealettermsjones · 10/01/2023 16:34

I also think you've made it really exciting for him by limiting it so much! Don't young children do this with lots of things - my nephew went through a phase where he would not stop talking about dinosaurs without a single breath. Every game, every story, every toy, every item of clothing - it all had to be dinosaur related. He moved on eventually.

NoBoatsOnSunday · 10/01/2023 16:37

I’m another that thinks perhaps having such strict time controls might be playing a big part in driving the obsessive behaviour.

I’d be inclined to try and find a game that you can all play together and add have some regular ‘family switch time’. Something like Mario Party which is essentially a board game with some simple mini-games sprinkled throughout.

FlounderingFruitcake · 10/01/2023 16:37

I also agree with PP that the limits imposed are quite strict and unlikely to be helping. Get them a game the 5YO can manage that they can play together and allow 30 mins a night.

FatGirlSwim · 10/01/2023 16:38

What does his brother play that’s unsuitable for him, given that he is also fairly young?

your neurodivergent dc may be using the switch to meet a sensory need or to tune out the world due to sensory overload. It may be meeting a need for him that he isn’t able to express.

Sweepies · 10/01/2023 16:39

FlounderingFruitcake · 10/01/2023 16:34

5 seems quite young to be so interested in gaming, particularly with a switch which tend to have more complex games for older children (as opposed to a tablet with apps/games for example) what games is he playing on it?
I don’t think it’s accurate to say it tends towards older children. We have a Switch and our 5YO will play Mario Kart (car racing) or Mario Party (silly group games) with her cousins when they come to visit so once a month-ish. And we got her a My Little Pony game for a recent long haul flight. I’ve also seen a Paw Patrol game in the shops.

Fair play! I always thought of it geared for more older children, I play on it sometimes so perhaps I'm projecting 😂

SleeplessInEngland · 10/01/2023 16:40

I have to agree that just two hours a week makes it forbidden fruit. Perhaps half an hour on weekdays too?

EndlessRain1 · 10/01/2023 16:40

You parents' advice is awful and is sure to make him feel like crap about himself. Please don't do that.

We have removed technology from both ours by explaining in an age appropriate way that we are doing it becuase it makes their brains feel bad and is therefore not good for them. As parents we need to help them make healthy choices and that's why we are taking it away. And then you really need to stick to it. They do come to accept it eventually.

Bollindger · 10/01/2023 16:42

Get a lockable box, and keep the key somewhere, or have it with a changeable barrel lock.
Maybe find something else you do with him when he asks for the switch, read a story? Colouring?

Fluffygreenslippers · 10/01/2023 16:47

Two hours a week is tight as fuck. I played sega from the age of four as much as i wanted. I got bored playing quite regularly and then would go do other things. I game as an adult but not obsessively, I have plenty of other hobbies.

marthawashington · 10/01/2023 16:47

My 4 year old is obsessive like this about tv. When it gets too much the tv 'breaks'. 2-3 tough days follow, but then he usually moves on and stops asking.