If you needed to leave the country quickly...

[need2escape]

And as quietly as possible, where would you start?

Name change and shameless post here for traffic.

Not doing anything illegal such as child abduction. Just may need to leave the country as quickly as possible and return to my home country.

No family here to help, some friends but not sure how much they could assist.

Own house which is mortgaged, car on finance, small loan, credit cards, phone contracts, the usual.

And my job.

House full of possessions I wouldn't really need to take with me.

Where would you begin?

Regarding the car, you're unlikely to be anywhere near having paid 50% of the outstanding amount (that's 50% of what you borrowed, plus all interest, to be clear) to be able to just hand it back penalty free.

But people like WeBuyAnyCar or Arnold Clark will buy your car instantly and clear the finance that's outstanding, assuming there's enough equity in it.

It's worth a try.

Do you want us to ask the abusive ex for his side of the story?

ffs

Step 1. Look at flights to Australia
Step 2. Check those airlines rules about flying when pregnant (note them down in a table if easier
Step 3. Book flight, contact GP for fit to fly note, contact work re. mat leave
Step 4. Get documents together
Step 5. Make list of what to pack in suitcase
Step 6. Start packing

All of those can be achieved within the next 24 hours. In fact, a lot could be done today, it is only half 3.

The rest: mail redirect, a forwarding address/P.O. box, arranging to keep phone number for a few months, house, car, loans etc can all be dealt with after the above. The priority is getting you and baby out the country. The 2nd much lower priority is dealing with money, the 3rd is dealing with possessions.

How quickly can you be on a flight to Australia? I’d book the first available flight and instruct a solicitor to handle the house sale discretely after I’d left. The fewer people who know what is happening the better.

And yes, I know for a fact that babies Dad would try and stop me leaving. I could try and keep the birth quiet, but he knows where I live and when I'm due. I know I wouldn't be putting him on the B/C but he will take me to court for parental responsibility so I'm only delaying the inevitable if I stay here.

Sorry to hear you are in such a difficult position @need2escape Be very aware of the law in Australia about children & custody. If the abusive man follows you to Australia, and claims paternity, it could (not definitely though & I am not a lawyer) mean that you couldn't leave Australia with your DC without their father's permission.

And Australia recognises "de facto" marriage as having the same rights in Family Law Court as a registered marriage.

Maybe get family in Australia to check on your legal position.

And I'm glad to see that you won't drop everything here in the UK, but maybe go to Australia for your maternity leave. Could you advertise for a lodger, and then leave them in the house while you're away?

Well done for thinking about this OP! You can do it. Visualise handing over your infant child or toddler over to that abusive thing for a weekend - gut-wrenchingly scary, right? Well, don't get scared, get angry and determined and bloody go for it!

Op, if you're due in March it might already be too late to fly out. Most airlines won't allow you to fly after the end of the 36th week.
I would go asap.

Do you have a friend who would rent or house sit for you temporarily?

Get this moved op to the place that no one dare mentions
This will get In The daily Mail op

If she's due in March she can't be past the end of the 36th week, can she? It's the 10th of Jan, even if she was due on the 1st March that's 7 weeks away.

You probably don’t have the time or energy for anything else so just go, & don’t come back as that bastard will be waiting for you. Let us know that you’ve arrived safely.

I'd try and get to Australia ASAP.

Someone recommended going else where in Europe for the birth. I had a quick look, Irish Ferries wouldn't let you travel but if you drive on I don't know how they would know. Also I know women that flew from UK to ROI 8 months pregnant. You would be fully covered for maternity care in ROI, just bring your notes. It might be a help.

I'd also try sell the house as it is. Or would it be possible to lock up, go home and maybe in a few months come back without the baby for a week or so to sort everything? (having done the leg work from Australia)

Yes, but she'd be in Australia, is the point. He would have to move there.
Also she is not in a de facto marriage, so what relevance is that?

Do you have any trusted friends that could help you?

Get the house packed up, the first 10 boxes are the most expensive and then after about 30 the subsequent boxes are pretty cheap to send by shipping to Australia. Don't bother with furniture - UK furniture is not suited for a Australian houses generally and it will cost a fortune to store if you're living with family. Boxes can generally be stored in a spare room/garage.

Trusted friend to get rid of the remaining things in bulk/ garage sale etc.

Find an estate agent who is willing to sell once you have gone. Take photos of the house with furniture, but only list once empty.

I organised the same trip in a matter of months, but that was with children. Prior to having children you just need to make sure you have a fit to fly certificate from your GP.

Find travel insurance that is for a one way trip - otherwise if anything goes wrong en-route insurance will return you to the UK.

PM me if you want any additional details.

Good luck OP. Moving to Australia is the most sensible thing you can do to get away from him. If you delay you risk not being able to move back without court permission or your DC are old enough to choose to move with you.

Fortunately having an Australian child will only give them the right to move to Australia if the child sponsors them so you don't need to worry about that. (Unless he already has the ability to move there?)

Go on mat leave so you have some income, instruct a solicitor and give htem POA to execute the sale on your half, instruct an estate agent and leave.

You can get a house clearance company to come take everything.

For a defacto relationship to be claimed they would need to be living together in Australia. Not an issue!

@EasterIsland would it be de facto marriage though? They dint even live together.

How would going somewhere in Europe for the birth help her at all? Why would going to Ireland help? And what makes you think she would be covered for maternity care there?

Honestly, there are many threads full of nonsensical and unhelpful replies, but this is a serious business. Can't people try a little harder?

@bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo

Lol you're right, my mistake.

But it still means op doesn't have long to get her affairs in order, especially if she can't get a flight for a couple of weeks. (then you would be going into early March if her dd is then).

I hope you’re okay OP. If you haven’t already seek advice from women’s aid they tend to be quite savvy. Good luck.

@need2escape Re house clearance, I thought people paid you to clear it, If there was good stuff there.
Or try an auction house, general sale?
I knew a medical professional who had to escape ( An Aussie) and they sold their house at a loss.
The reason?
They got involved with class A drugs and got addicted- The dealer was threatening them.

The only way out was to “ Move back to OZ” asap.
That was done extremely fast .
Good 🍀 Luck!

Just go- if you have any annual leave use that in the first instance. Leave a set of keys with someone at home - not your AT and change the locks if he has keys. Book the first flight available and pack only what you'd take on holiday. Get a fit to fly from the GP if needed. DO NOT get signed off with stress as this may affect the fit note. Once you're in Australia you can deal with absolutely everything online including selling up, getting everything packed and into storage and getting the car sorted. If need be you can post car keys back to the UK. Good luck!!

First step get this thread removed immediately- before it’s picked up by the media.
Second step get a good solicitor. Take their advice.
Good luck.

Contact the car company to find out how to get out of your contract early.
research whether you have health insurance to give birth in Australia.
go on Mat leave asap
start sorting/ packing - things you want shipped, things to take with you, charity, eBay, bin. Hopefully you will have done this last year so not too bad.
get a quote re sale of house, but don’t start marketing it until you have gone so that ex doesn’t see you going - you will take a hit financially but that is the price you pay for speed
Start getting your affairs in order and make sure you have all relevant paperwork with you.
book a flight and don’t tell anyone
make sure you get a letter from your gp that you are fit to fly, a copy of your maternity notes.
good luck

Good idea re leave.

So leave, then maternity. Sorts you income wise for a while.

Do you have anyone you could trust to store a couple of boxes of belongings for you to ship? Maybe someone at work, so not in your social circle? Otherwise some removal companies will store then ship. Then pack those and ask a house clearance company to get rid of the rest. Again you can probably pay the solicitor or estate agent to administer this.

If you have 50% equity in your house your issue is cash flow rather than funds so I would probably ensure I had enough now for the things you really need and pay your way out of the issues you face. It may feel painful to part with the money, but sounds like the priority is getting away.