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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you needed to leave the country quickly...

343 replies

need2escape · 10/01/2023 12:49

And as quietly as possible, where would you start?

Name change and shameless post here for traffic.

Not doing anything illegal such as child abduction. Just may need to leave the country as quickly as possible and return to my home country.

No family here to help, some friends but not sure how much they could assist.

Own house which is mortgaged, car on finance, small loan, credit cards, phone contracts, the usual.

And my job.

House full of possessions I wouldn't really need to take with me.

Where would you begin?

OP posts:
Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 10/01/2023 16:02

Ask estate agents, movers or anybody coming to your house to quote, to park around the corner if they have sign written vehicles.

You can get council tax exemption if your property is going to be empty for a while.

Sell, don't rent the house.

I agree with everyone. Get on a flight asap. By the end of the week is do-able.Technology is on your side regarding everything else.

MRex · 10/01/2023 16:02

Good luck. Starting sick leave and then maternity leave early seems most sensible, and flying within a week or two.

Try to arrange to send back the car asap, it should be possible and you might not lose much. Can you get a quiet trusted friend or two over to pack up all the little bits into boxes, one of them could keep the keys for you to arrange shipping? Property management companies do manage lettings for absent landlords, but not always if you are overseas so you'll need to check that carefully. The bathroom will be an issue but they might be willing to pre-pay for a fee for you, depending on who you choose, otherwise leave keys with an estate agent to sell the property, but you should ideally leave keys with a friend too in case of an emergency being reported such as a gas leak.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 10/01/2023 16:04

Do you have a trustworthy friend who could help you?

Happyhappyday · 10/01/2023 16:04
  1. house on the market immediately, accept you’re going to lose money on it but that’s better than most of your alternatives. Accept cash only offers and make clear it needs to move quickly. If you’re willing to sell at the right price, it’s doable. Don’t fool yourself with the sunk cost fallacy, it is often better to lose some money rather than do gymnastics to make an untenable situation work.
  2. you can move your stuff. We moved 4 years ago to west coast of US, it was £6k for Pickford to pack our 2 bed flat into a 20 foot container, ship door to door and unpack. You literally go out for the day and come back to an empty flat, they will pack everything. No sorting needed apart from you can’t bring any food or things with dirt on. Pickfords was able to schedule within 2 weeks.
Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 10/01/2023 16:04

Oh and photocopy everything important and give it to a trusted friend just as a backup.

isthismylifenow · 10/01/2023 16:07

It's a lot to process OP but you've had so much good advice.

How many weeks are you? This will make 5he difference of if you have time to pack up stuff to store , or if you need to leave asap and do everything remotely.

I have sold a house from a different country. Solicitors and agents were all appointed while I was out of UK.

WoolyMammoth55 · 10/01/2023 16:12

OP, in case you are still reading (I kind of hope you're at the GP getting your fit to fly note!) one thing to note is that a local Aus solicitor (or equivalent) would almost certainly be able to certify/notarise your ID documents for proof of ID for legal purposes without you being in the UK.

You could check this out before you go though - ask the EA or solicitor to check. If not then get this done (copies certified and notarised) on the way to the airport so that all the legals can proceed with you in Aus.

All fingers and toes crossed for you, you're doing the right thing for you and your baby.

Longcovidshitshow · 10/01/2023 16:12

Good luck OP. You can do this! Pain now will be worth a lot of aggro from your XP down the line…

FerretInAFrock · 10/01/2023 16:14

Auction the house?

30 days between the auction day (exchange for winning buyer) and completion.

jeannie46 · 10/01/2023 16:16

There are flights to Australia available for the next few days even. Be on one.

mathanxiety · 10/01/2023 16:17

Leave with the next two weeks.

Otherwise you run the risk of not being allowed to fly. Look up airline rules and check what documentation you're going to need from your midwife/ doctor.

Check with the Australian embassy website or online wrt the Hague Convention. I think you'll get away with travel while pregnant as the baby doesn't have legal personhood amd a pregnant woman can't be denied freedom of movement. But you need to get a move on. Don't chance leaving it too late or you will be stuck.

Would your abusive partner realise something was up if you were to get rid of household stuff? Crockery, books, pictures, etc?

Does he live in the house with you? Does he co-own the house?
Is he on the mortgage?

Hatersgonnatake · 10/01/2023 16:18

Haven't read all the posts, but could you not wait until the baby is born, as this sounds like so much stress, then both of you could easily sneak off in six months but at least you would have more time to sort your stuff out?

bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo · 10/01/2023 16:20

Hatersgonnatake · 10/01/2023 16:18

Haven't read all the posts, but could you not wait until the baby is born, as this sounds like so much stress, then both of you could easily sneak off in six months but at least you would have more time to sort your stuff out?

Wow. Haven't even read the OP? It couldn't be any clearer that no, she can't wait. Thats the entire point.

bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo · 10/01/2023 16:21

Does he live in the house with you? Does he co-own the house?
Is he on the mortgage?

She's already said he does not, to any of those

mathanxiety · 10/01/2023 16:23

Thanks, must have skipped a page somehow, @bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo

ButterBastardBeans · 10/01/2023 16:25

Number nine on that list needs to be to get this lot deleted OP. The press in this country are tossers and this will be all over the internet before you have left if you are not careful.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 10/01/2023 16:28

ButterBastardBeans · 10/01/2023 16:25

Number nine on that list needs to be to get this lot deleted OP. The press in this country are tossers and this will be all over the internet before you have left if you are not careful.

Great point. You've had excellent replies here. Perhaps get it taken down asap. I don't know if you can still access the replies.

mindutopia · 10/01/2023 16:29

It sounds like you are making a sensible decision. When I made an international move on my own (albeit not in the same circumstances), I started by packing boxes of the little things that I absolutely needed to bring with me. Sentimental things, paperwork, etc. and I shipped them out in advance. Other less crucial things can be sorted into things to go to charity shop/be sold on marketplace/ebay and things you may want to consider having shipped to you later. I had a charity shop come to collect all my furniture. They came in a big box truck and took it away for free. If you are more patient than me/need the cash, you could start putting things on marketplace now. You'd be amazed what people will buy! Or at the very least come collect for free if you just need to clear the house. Just bin the rest of it if you need to.

As for the house, it can be sold later from there. You can get cleaners in to give it a clean and you can hire an estate agent/solicitor from afar. Bank/phone contract/etc can all be sorted once you are settled.

Good luck!

RB68 · 10/01/2023 16:30

I would get the house on the market, sell high value items, rest to house clearance company. POA to local friend or lawyer to deal with house.

If you are pretty heavily pregnant and entitled to benefits from work etc I would try and fit things around that maybe taking early mat leave (ie before baby born) to eek out the finances a bit. Whilst its preferable to pay everything off before leaving if you cant do that till house sells then again leave poa with someone to do that (Lawyer maybe that is dealing with house would be easiest alternatively maybe an accountant that could tie up any loose tax ends for you as well). If I was short of cash for the move and support once in Aus then I would take another loan out short term to fund that again to be paid off when house sells. But try and keep expenses down as far as possible.

It may not be possible for you to fly depending on your dates so be prepared for having to wait till baby here and then go if health permits. Not sure on medical advice but have known a family friend that emigrated to NZ years ago taking an weeks old baby - they are not very needy on flights so long as you have formula/nappies change of clothes etc.

Things you could do in the mean time - wardrobe cull, sort luggage, send anything you want to keep ahead by freight or whatever (including sorting all that out) give stuff to friends or rellies here if they want it, do the odd jobs on the house that have been "left" maybe a fresh coat of paint for sale and tart up the front of the house to help curb appeal

RB68 · 10/01/2023 16:33

some of the Prep work could be disguised as "nesting" and preparing so I would still get on with it.

Bollindger · 10/01/2023 16:34

Sell things on Facebook, they go FAST.
Sort all the things you have to keep and pack in a suitcase, sort the rest and give away, clothing banks ect,
Leave the Country Before your due date, so the child is born abroad, book your flight now, and don't tell anyone, if he asks say your downsizing the house and leave some pictures of houses in your area for flying monkeys to see.
Put the house up for sale and go from there, if you need to you can auction the house off,

Pigsears · 10/01/2023 16:36

Check to see rules around giving birth in Aus- even if Australian. It's a given this is going to happen- but there might be some paperwork/ criteria etc that makes this easier. IE do you have to tick that you are permanently moving to Aus when you enter? Who do you have to notify once you are there and what paperwork do you need? See if you can kick off process in advance.

Check to see if your work health insurance will still be valid (can you use to give birth in Aus-?) If not, cancel- as extra expense you won't need (unless they offer a large birth bonus payment- then it might be). If you are on Mat leave, it will still be valid.

Check re pension contribution. Cancel any overpayments so doesn't come out of your immediate cash.

Be careful re tax. If you are on Mat leave from current job, but living in Aus for next 12 months, what tax do you need to pay in each country? Ask- see if there is anything to help mitigate ... If not, add to list to check later. You don't want a massive tax bill.

Can you take payment holiday on mortgage? Might be good interim solution? But check implications if you need to rent out place / switch to BTL.

Cancel any not needed DD now. Check what is coming up. Most things are paid in advance and you won't be here.

For house clearance, ask your friends. Most will want to help. Some may be able to store goods in their garage etc until you can ship.

Good luck.

EndlessRain1 · 10/01/2023 16:37

Don't start selling your stuff on facebook if you are worried your ex is going to try prevent you from leaving.

ColdHandsHotHead · 10/01/2023 16:39

Please come back and let us know once you're safe, OP. Also a summary of what you did and how you did it would be useful for other people in your position, once you're safe.

Clovacloud · 10/01/2023 16:41

Don’t know if this of any help, but We Buy Any Car will buy cars with outstanding finance on them. So you could shift the car very quickly through them, and get some cash. Also house clearance companies might do you a deal for your stuff as they’ll take it away and sell it.

Hope you and the baby are home safe in Australia soon.