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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you needed to leave the country quickly...

343 replies

need2escape · 10/01/2023 12:49

And as quietly as possible, where would you start?

Name change and shameless post here for traffic.

Not doing anything illegal such as child abduction. Just may need to leave the country as quickly as possible and return to my home country.

No family here to help, some friends but not sure how much they could assist.

Own house which is mortgaged, car on finance, small loan, credit cards, phone contracts, the usual.

And my job.

House full of possessions I wouldn't really need to take with me.

Where would you begin?

OP posts:
Caterina99 · 10/01/2023 14:49

We moved countries last year (although not in your circumstances Op. I did have time to plan) so here are some things I think made it easier

Make sure you have an online account set up for absolutely everything you can.

check if your phone will operate in Australia so you can use passcodes etc for online banking. If that’s not going to work then get a Uk burner phone and use that number for those things

Get your mail redirected and change your address on as much as you can. Either to Australia. Or to a trusted friend in the Uk. We use a service in the US that is like a P.O. Box, but they open the mail and scan it to you. Pricey but very useful as we wanted to keep a US bank account and we need a US address for that.

We sold our US house. We marketed it and had it sale agreed etc before we left, but it didn’t complete until we were in the Uk. This was no problem. The funds went into our US account and we just wire transferred them to our UK one. The buyers bought some of our furniture and just transferred the money to my account online.

we had a company pack up and ship the contents of our house. It was expensive though and it took several months to arrive.

Hopefully you have a friend in Uk you can trust to have your keys and collect your post and generally help you out with this. I think that would be the most useful thing! Good luck

Trethew · 10/01/2023 14:50

I haven’t read the full thread, but once you have had the baby you cannot legally remove it from the country without father’s permission, even if he is an abusive twat.

You might want to post this in the legal matters section for advice.

SauteBaconHollow · 10/01/2023 14:50

Can you do a voluntary termination on your pcp @need2escape

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 14:50

sueelleker · 10/01/2023 14:47

Yes. There are still ships that go to Australia. I just mentioned it, as everyone is talking about flying. Google suggests it takes 32 to 40 days. It was only a suggestion.

Did you miss the part where OP is in her third trimester of pregnancy?
There are no commercial passenger ships that travel UK to Australia as far as I know. There will be probably be world cruises, but they will make 3 billion stops in different places.
Even if there was a viable passenger ship option, there is absolutely no way they would accept a woman in the third trimester of pregnancy for a 40 day trip. The odds of the baby being born at sea are far too high!

Izipizi · 10/01/2023 14:51

Lots of good advice here, OP. I agree though, get out as fast as you can, otherwise you risk getting stuck in the UK until your child is 18. Getting out is your priority.

Campervangirl · 10/01/2023 14:53

Take the car back to the dealership, we had a car on pcp, took it back to the dealership and we made £6k because the price of 2nd hand cars have gone up.
I agree with pps, get yourself home asap while you can still fly, give the house keys to an estate agent (the estate agent will put you onto a solicitor), have a house clearance firm round and only take sentimental items that you can carry, everything else can be replaced.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 10/01/2023 14:53

sueelleker · 10/01/2023 14:36

If it's too late to fly, is there any chance of going by sea?

Absolutely not. I'm 24 weeks and already not allowed on a cruise. Just looked into it because DH was invited on one by work but I won't be able to go with him.

Hellybelly84 · 10/01/2023 14:54

No advice just wanted to say good luck. Your safety and baby’s safety comes first and hope you are settled with your family soon.

OldTinHat · 10/01/2023 14:54

I'd use one of the 'we buy any house' type agents. You don't get full value of course but that one job done.

I'd sell everything possible via local marketplaces or car boot sales.

Pack up everything of value, paperwork, book flights.

Go.

Could be done within a week.

growinggreyer · 10/01/2023 14:55

You could take everything that is saleable down to cash converters, CEX etc. I sold my gold jewellery when I was in dire straits.

NumberTheory · 10/01/2023 14:55

Is there anyway to extend your mortgage/take a second mortgage to provide the cash you need to sort out loan repayments, sorting the house, etc? Then get house on the market asap after you’ve got to Aus and repay it all when it’s sold.

Princessglittery · 10/01/2023 14:55

@need2escape others have made some good suggestions.

  1. Pay for a VPN so you can appear to be making contact from the UK and won’t have issues accessing bank etc.
  2. Make sure the Land Register has your email as one of the permitted contact addresses (free service) www.gov.uk/registering-land-or-property-with-land-registry/update-or-correct-the-register
  3. Look into storage for the personal/sentimental items you can’t take with you.
  4. Set up a Royal Mail redirect, you can do this to an address abroad www.royalmail.com/d8/help/redirection#paragraph-9430
  5. See a solicitor before you go to act on your behalf and don’t put the house on the market until you have left. If you have a trusted relative/friend in the UK they may be able to keep an eye on things.
Good luck
bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo · 10/01/2023 14:59

Trethew · 10/01/2023 14:50

I haven’t read the full thread, but once you have had the baby you cannot legally remove it from the country without father’s permission, even if he is an abusive twat.

You might want to post this in the legal matters section for advice.

Yes, she's aware. That is quite literally the point of the thread.

Princessglittery · 10/01/2023 15:00

MynameisJune · 10/01/2023 14:25

It isn’t because in the UK you can’t change your mat leave start date without 4 weeks notice unless the employer agrees.

Show quote history

Most reasonable employers waive notice periods - @need2escape just say it’s much harder than you realised, getting exhausted etc.

If necessary get a fit note from your GP at the same time as getting a fitness to fly.

You don’t have to tell your employer your plans and are entitled to SMP. Take the full mat leave and just hand in your notice at the right time e.g. one months notice. You should then get your paid annual leave.

coffeeginandkindness · 10/01/2023 15:01

need2escape · 10/01/2023 13:23

I could take maternity leave from now or very soon I suppose, that's a fair point. I could start my maternity and leave the country and sort things out later?

I'm not sure why I didn't think of that.

Do this. 100% DO THIS
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please contact women's aid - is the house solely in your name?

SirVixofVixHall · 10/01/2023 15:03

Do you have good friends here OP ? You could ask your friends if anyone knows of someone who would rent your house for a fixed period, eg a year, on a reduced rent in return for the bathroom not being up to spec ? Or have someone who could do the work for a reduced rent ?
Otherwise sell it as is, after shipping anything you want to keep, and ask friends to help clear the rest once you leave, or return to clear it once it is sold.
I imagine you very much want to keep the AT in the dark re your plans, so you could do the minimum, even leave a few boxes of precious stuff with a friend to be shipped to you once you are back in Australia.

Jimboscott0115 · 10/01/2023 15:04

need2escape · 10/01/2023 14:39

I only got the car on PCP last year, I had one previously but the 4 years finished and I stupidly got another one. If only I could have predicted the future.

This is likely the easy bit OP, though you may lost some money, places like webuyanycar will pay off your finance as part of their settlement to you. In fact a lot of reputable garages do this so you won't make much, but it'll clear the debt. Find out what's left on your PCP and compare it to your quick valuation with the site named and hopefully it'll net off or even give you some extra given it was a reasonable down payment you made.

Princessglittery · 10/01/2023 15:04

need2escape · 10/01/2023 14:38

So much to take in, thank you everyone! Feeling very overwhelmed by all the support and advice.

I think if I go off sick at this point work could trigger MAT to start early which isn't a bad thing. I think GP would sign me off.

Still reading through everything Flowers

SMP is only triggered 4 weeks before EWC.

MynameisJune · 10/01/2023 15:04

If you can end the PCP take the car to we buy any car. They’ll give you a decent price that should at least clear the PCP. You may even make money from it with the issues still ongoing with new cars.

Orangesare · 10/01/2023 15:05

I would do things in this order

  1. Sort using annual leave and getting mat leave started
  2. ticket booked to fly home
  3. Sort out ending the pcp. Second hand car prices are fairly high atm so that so be fairly doable and people must do it all the time. The car needs to go when you leave.
  4. Find a local auction house who will clear and sell the contents of your house when you are ready.
  5. find a solicitor to handle the house sale and any other matters. This should also be straight forward as people sell/rent desceased relatives houses without going anywhere near them.
  6. Find an estate agent to deal with the house, again it’s not uncommon for the owner to not be around for the house sale so should be easy. The selling process starts after you have left the country but you are here for photos etc. I wouldn’t worry about the bathroom etc just price accordingly
  7. Make sure you get on that flight good luck
MotherofTerriers · 10/01/2023 15:05

I think you should be able to do a lot remotely, but it might be worth instructing a solicitor and estate agent before you go as they may have to see identity documents such as passport and bank statements in order to comply with money laundering legislation. But nothing to stop you appointing them - and maybe a house clearance/removal firm and then actually giving them the go ahead when you are safely away. A good estate agent will be able to tell you what the house will go for with the outstanding work that needs doing - it can still be sold

anonymousMuse · 10/01/2023 15:05

I would get the sick leave started OP, and make plans to leave ASAP. I know you're not due until March but that is only 7-11 weeks away, any sign of issues and you won't be able to fly. Also consider travel disruption (my sister who lives in Australia was stuck here for four additional weeks only a few months ago due to various disruptions including medical certificates, airport strikes etc..) which quickly eats into that time.

Swannning · 10/01/2023 15:05

Flowers OP this all sounds very stressful. You have been given great advice on this thread.

Get yourself home to your support network, the rest can happen in time.

One thing that I don't think has been suggested is getting a credit card and doing a big cash withdrawal to keep you going. You will take a hit on charges but can pay it off as soon as house sells.

Star81 · 10/01/2023 15:08

Pack up / work out exactly what you are going to take. Ship some stuff now if can’t all go in airline luggage

Go on MAT leave asap

Get a house clearance company in. Probably won’t get much for your stuff but they deal with clearing the house and then it’s done

Contact an instruct a solicitor / lawyer and explain you’ll be selling but you’ll be abroad to make sure it’s doable.

Get estate agents out to get valued and have photos all done so ready to go live minute your on the plane.

Book flight and leave

Don’t tell anyone until you’re on the plane in case the father gets wind of your plan.you could be gone by end Jan, sooner the better with your pregnancy in mind.

good luck x

bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo · 10/01/2023 15:08

OP, try and do as much of this as you can, but if I were you I would prioritse getting back to Aus over absolutely everything. If you have to, you get in a taxi in the clothes youre standing up in and get on a flight.
Everything can be sorted after, and money is not priority. You HAVE to have that baby in Australia or you will regret it for ever.