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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you needed to leave the country quickly...

343 replies

need2escape · 10/01/2023 12:49

And as quietly as possible, where would you start?

Name change and shameless post here for traffic.

Not doing anything illegal such as child abduction. Just may need to leave the country as quickly as possible and return to my home country.

No family here to help, some friends but not sure how much they could assist.

Own house which is mortgaged, car on finance, small loan, credit cards, phone contracts, the usual.

And my job.

House full of possessions I wouldn't really need to take with me.

Where would you begin?

OP posts:
jeannie46 · 10/01/2023 14:37

Lots of good advice above, re maternity leave, clearing / renting/ selling house, ( loads of people do this from abroad, I did myself ), giving back car, taking documents etc.

But, your priority is to get out. Your mind will be so much clearer when you're not here and being with your own people. (Being 1,000s miles away is as good as a year passing.) Book a ticket and go asap. The relief will be enormous.

Go Go Go!

Riverlee · 10/01/2023 14:38

Throwncrumbs · 10/01/2023 13:49

You may still need a Fit to Fly from your midwife or doctor, even if you are in the permitted time. A 36 week pregnant woman on a long haul flight to Australia will be a nightmare waiting to happen, imagine going into labour and landing in an emergency in a country where you don’t want to be!

A lot of gps don’t do ‘fit to fly’ notes, as they can’t predict the future. You may be fit to fly today, but if something goes wrong on the flight, then they don’t want to be liable.

Original poster
need2escape · 10/01/2023 14:38

So much to take in, thank you everyone! Feeling very overwhelmed by all the support and advice.

I think if I go off sick at this point work could trigger MAT to start early which isn't a bad thing. I think GP would sign me off.

Still reading through everything Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
need2escape · 10/01/2023 14:39

I only got the car on PCP last year, I had one previously but the 4 years finished and I stupidly got another one. If only I could have predicted the future.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 10/01/2023 14:40

Just a thought, do you have to go to Australia. Can you find a woman’s refuge, for example?

EarlyYearsMe · 10/01/2023 14:40

Well done OP, you are going to be a wonderful mother. I wish my mom had done what you are doing, you are so strong 💪🏻

No other advice to add other than I wish you all the best

Onekidnoclue · 10/01/2023 14:41

Good luck op. I think you’re thinking about this a little upside down. Work out when you need to get on a plane as you’ll effectively be grounded soon. This will give you a timeframe. Then start with the most expensive item, the house and get rid asap. Car can go to we buy any car again asap. Speed is the big issue. Good luck. X

Cheerfulcharlie · 10/01/2023 14:41

I would prioritise getting rid of personal possessions / paperwork / clothing etc or shipping them. Then anything like furniture or decorative items, even kitchen equipment etc worry less about as these could be left and included with the house sale or fully furnished rental. Get in touch with a few local agents who do both rentals and sales before you go, have a chat with them, perhaps do the legal paperwork etc then take some time to decide whether you want to go down the sales or rental route. At least either way you can easily instruct this remotely with a bit of comfort you have met the agent(s) involved.

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 14:41

Riverlee · 10/01/2023 14:40

Just a thought, do you have to go to Australia. Can you find a woman’s refuge, for example?

Yes, she needs to go to Australia to avoid getting stuck in the UK until her child is independent.

Pointerdogsrule · 10/01/2023 14:41

LisaD1 · 10/01/2023 12:59

I’d put the house on the market with the most aggressive agents I could find and get it sold. Use the funds to clear the debts/loans and then decide which things came with me and instruct a house clearance company for the rest. Should all be able to be down very quickly. We completed on our house in 15 days from viewing to moving in.

What the fuck??

15 days!!! A friend was a cash buyer, as in no mortgage used to buy and it still took three months thanks to slow lawyers and searches.

maranella · 10/01/2023 14:42
  1. Do you have enough money for flight ticket and either shipping or storage of any belongings you can't carry?
  2. Find out the exact rules on flying when pregnant (IIRC it was travel must be completed by 36 weeks, but this may vary from airline to airline).
  3. When can you go on maternity leave? What's the first date?
  4. How easy is it to surrender your car and will you able to get around without it? If so, surrender it asap to save money.
  5. Do you have things you can sell easily to raise money? If so, get them on ebay, Amazon marketplace, your local selling site asap.
  6. Do you want to sell or rent out your home? You need to decide this asap to figure out what to do. Might be worth getting estate agents to value it and also check out it's rental value to help you decide.
Phos · 10/01/2023 14:42

sueelleker · 10/01/2023 14:36

If it's too late to fly, is there any chance of going by sea?

Is this actually a serious question?

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/01/2023 14:42

I hope it goes OK @need2escape, moving as soon as you can sounds like the right thing to do. I'd just take all my essential documents and go. A charity can take most of the belongings you can't afford to ship and house sales with work required are very very common and can be done with you in a different county. Good luck.

Swissmountains · 10/01/2023 14:42

The call you need to make is to the GP for a fitness to fly.

Don't let this overwhelm, make a short list following one of the better lists and get the calls made. Your GP may be able to call you back today if you ring now. It is unlikely they will ask you to go into the surgery.

Everything else can wait. You can self certify for a week in terms of work and it could easily be related to stress/exhaustion.

OneTC · 10/01/2023 14:43

You're probably more organised than me but my biggest obstacle to going home quickly (also Australia) is that my Australian passport isn't up to date and I couldn't enter Australia on my UK one.

I know it's really obvious but it's the kind of stupid shit i forget about

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 14:44

Phos · 10/01/2023 14:42

Is this actually a serious question?

Show quote history

Quite funny though.

newusername2009 · 10/01/2023 14:45

When we bought we had less than a month from viewing to completion - estates should know who is ready to move fast. We sold first so we could be quick.

worstusernameeverx2 · 10/01/2023 14:45

OP- you sound amazingly brave and mature. Sounds like such a hard situation but you're bossing it. Well done OP- wishing you and baby lots of luck and happiness

YearoftheRabbit23 · 10/01/2023 14:45

On a UK passport you can enter Australia with an e-visa thing (forgot the name), you apply online, it's free and usually approved within 24 hours.

sueelleker · 10/01/2023 14:47

Yes. There are still ships that go to Australia. I just mentioned it, as everyone is talking about flying. Google suggests it takes 32 to 40 days. It was only a suggestion.

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 14:47

YearoftheRabbit23 · 10/01/2023 14:45

On a UK passport you can enter Australia with an e-visa thing (forgot the name), you apply online, it's free and usually approved within 24 hours.

Yes but it’s often either illegal or a really stupid idea to enter a country you are a citizen of on a foreign passport, even if you are a dual citizen

newusername2009 · 10/01/2023 14:47

Could you take a bit extra on your mortgage with the view that when you sell it all gets paid off - that way you have some cash until the sale goes through

OneTC · 10/01/2023 14:48

YearoftheRabbit23 · 10/01/2023 14:45

On a UK passport you can enter Australia with an e-visa thing (forgot the name), you apply online, it's free and usually approved within 24 hours.

Not if you're Australian

Phos · 10/01/2023 14:48

sueelleker · 10/01/2023 14:47

Yes. There are still ships that go to Australia. I just mentioned it, as everyone is talking about flying. Google suggests it takes 32 to 40 days. It was only a suggestion.

Cruise ships won't take pregnant women in their third trimester for obvious reasons. Do you think they would take someone who would almost certainly give birth on board?

YearoftheRabbit23 · 10/01/2023 14:49

@OneTC yes you're right, I couldn't figure out why you were saying you couldn't use your UK passport! As a dual citizen I should have got that!