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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you needed to leave the country quickly...

343 replies

need2escape · 10/01/2023 12:49

And as quietly as possible, where would you start?

Name change and shameless post here for traffic.

Not doing anything illegal such as child abduction. Just may need to leave the country as quickly as possible and return to my home country.

No family here to help, some friends but not sure how much they could assist.

Own house which is mortgaged, car on finance, small loan, credit cards, phone contracts, the usual.

And my job.

House full of possessions I wouldn't really need to take with me.

Where would you begin?

OP posts:
2bazookas · 10/01/2023 13:43

I'd take my passport, light hand luggage and a wad of cash. Make it by unbooked public transport (pay cash) to ferry terminal; buy an unbooked foot passenger ticket (pay cash) to EU , then unbooked public transport (pay cash) to wherever. Or an airport to wherever. I would not use any plastic cards or my old phone.

Passport use is traceable of course but from reaching first EU country I would probably cross borders on foot, offroad in rural areas, so not have to show it.

I'd then pick pocket tourists for their passport and car keys. I might have to kill them so they couldn't report the loss.

listsandbudgets · 10/01/2023 13:43

Sorry pressed post too soon - I know NI isn't ideal as still UK but if he does not know you've gone there, it allows you some distance while you resolve things and get baby a passport

GracieLouFreeebush · 10/01/2023 13:44

start maternity leave now, get a solicitor to be in charge of selling your house and leave asap? You can direct the solicitor to pay off any debts, you might be able to hand the car back and end the contract.

MimiSunshine · 10/01/2023 13:44

I would do as suggested, go on Mat leave ASAP. Book a flight home straight away and pack up what belongings you really love and pay to ship them home then get an agent round with the plan that the house will go in the market the day after you leave. Give them the key and ask them to arrange all viewings.

you may not get full price if it’s unfinished but it will sell.

Talia99 · 10/01/2023 13:44

listsandbudgets · 10/01/2023 13:40

If you can't fly, I'd go to Northern Ireland in the first instance - you can do this by ferry, give birth there with NHS and then travel onwards when feasible

That still has the problem of the proper court for custody being the UK. If she wants to deal with custody issues in Australia, she needs to be there to give birth.

There are moving companies who box up and ship the lot. While they are expensive, if you arrange to put the house on the market, drop the keys with the estate agent on the way to the airport and book a removal company to ship the lot when sell, you might be able to afford it (you might have to get a loan you repay out of equity). The estate agents can give the packers the keys to pack it all up.

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 13:46

2bazookas · 10/01/2023 13:43

I'd take my passport, light hand luggage and a wad of cash. Make it by unbooked public transport (pay cash) to ferry terminal; buy an unbooked foot passenger ticket (pay cash) to EU , then unbooked public transport (pay cash) to wherever. Or an airport to wherever. I would not use any plastic cards or my old phone.

Passport use is traceable of course but from reaching first EU country I would probably cross borders on foot, offroad in rural areas, so not have to show it.

I'd then pick pocket tourists for their passport and car keys. I might have to kill them so they couldn't report the loss.

She’s trying to get away from an abusive ex to have her baby in her home country, not outwit Interpol.

TheLeadbetterLife · 10/01/2023 13:48

Also OP, if you need the house sale to proceed quietly, you can ask the estate agents not to put a board up outside. They may even have a list of potential buyers who they can contact in advance of listing online, if that’s a worry.

RandomMess · 10/01/2023 13:48

Credit card loan to get the bathroom finished ready for renting out? Any local friends that would help with practicalities such as overseeing bathroom project, helping get stuff shipped out.

Do you have any annual leave owing? I would take that, start maternity leave as early as possible and fly back whilst you still can.

I would be above taking sick leave to do so either in your circumstances.

With the internet it's amazing what you can do remotely.

LeavesOnTrees · 10/01/2023 13:49

I would pack up the house straightaway and arrange a shipping company to ship all the belongings you want to keep back to Aus.
The rest to charity shops, furniture charity places that pick up, or thrown away.

Then find an estate agent, give them the keys and put the house on the market empty.

You can then leave with the house unsold and do it from afar.

You'll need a solicitor for the house sale but again, this can be done from afar.

Definitely leave well in advance for the airline, when boarding the plane don't make it obvious you're heavily pregnant - trick from my dr when I was pregnant and wanted to go on a summer holiday !

bringmetheheadofpastaalfredo · 10/01/2023 13:49

listsandbudgets · 10/01/2023 13:40

If you can't fly, I'd go to Northern Ireland in the first instance - you can do this by ferry, give birth there with NHS and then travel onwards when feasible

I dont' see how that helps at all.

Throwncrumbs · 10/01/2023 13:49

You may still need a Fit to Fly from your midwife or doctor, even if you are in the permitted time. A 36 week pregnant woman on a long haul flight to Australia will be a nightmare waiting to happen, imagine going into labour and landing in an emergency in a country where you don’t want to be!

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 13:51

You need to leave ASAP OP. You’ll need a fit to fly note. I don’t think you have time to sell the house etc before leaving. Can you give the car back, spend a weekend dumping less useful stuff at dump/charity shop then leave the house keys with a trusted friend? Renting out the house for a fixed term (say 1 year) could be good to give you time to have the baby and sort out some things (like a job in Aus and childcare) before selling. Call an estate agent and ask if they ever deal with sales with owners who are overseas.

Original poster
need2escape · 10/01/2023 13:52

I really appreciate all the advice/ideas everyone.

Worried about the fact I don't actually have the cash to pay for having the house cleared out or things shipped etc.

Selling the house would free up a lot of cash but it's getting me to that point!

Going on MAT early and leaving asap is a quick solution but I'm going to have the issue with the house in the near future.

OP posts:
ItsTrueLou · 10/01/2023 13:52

Do not wait until baby is born, you will then have a whole new host of problems. Start Mat Leave quickly, get that bathroom done, strip home back to rent out and flee, everything will work out for you. good luck OP

LeavesOnTrees · 10/01/2023 13:53

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 13:46

She’s trying to get away from an abusive ex to have her baby in her home country, not outwit Interpol.

Show quote history

This made me laugh. We know who to go to for advice if someone is in serious trouble.

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 13:54

If the baby is born is Aus then odds on you can stay in Australia and deal with the house later. If you wait to sell the house and the baby is born in the UK then moving the baby to Aus won’t be an option.

ICanHideButICantRun · 10/01/2023 13:55

Oh this is exciting!

How near to you does he live? Would he notice if your house was up for sale?

I'd call in an estate agent and give instructions but I'd make sure it didn't go onto the market until I'd left the country.

I would definitely send as much stuff over there as I could. Can you put it on your credit card and sort that later?

ICanHideButICantRun · 10/01/2023 13:56

Cancel the phone contract once you've left the country.

How much do you owe on the car? Could you sell the car back to the showroom or to a garage?

TheLeadbetterLife · 10/01/2023 13:57

need2escape · 10/01/2023 13:52

I really appreciate all the advice/ideas everyone.

Worried about the fact I don't actually have the cash to pay for having the house cleared out or things shipped etc.

Selling the house would free up a lot of cash but it's getting me to that point!

Going on MAT early and leaving asap is a quick solution but I'm going to have the issue with the house in the near future.

Is there anyone from your support network at home who could lend you the money to cover the moving overheads, until house sale completes? Or borrow a bit more to tide you over?

I know the money and debt is stressful now - I balked at the costs when we did it (and the hit we took from exiting our mortgage term early), but a few months down the line, when you’re free of it all and have good people around you, it’ll be so worth it.

whinetime89 · 10/01/2023 13:58

Leave prior to baby being born. If baby Is born in the UK it will be a grind to ever get permission to move to Australia. Once baby is born here and has a passport you can go back to the UK to finalise sales etc.
Can a family member loan you money to pay off cc etc and you repay when house sells?

LeavesOnTrees · 10/01/2023 13:58

You need to decide what you really want in Aus and only send that.

Leave the rest behind.

underneaththeash · 10/01/2023 13:59

Go on maternity leave, I'd speak to HR and say that your mid-wife has recommended it as you're suffering from stress.

start by boxing up and shipping things that you need to your folks house. Tidy up everything else.

I'd get some estate agents round now and instruct one of them, they can then have some keys. But tell them that you don't want the marketing to start until Feb 1st.

If you're absolutely sure that you won't be coming back you can just give the keys back to the car finance company and default on the phone contract. You'll want to change your phone number anyway. They're unlikely to come after you. The others can be paid when you've sold your house.

Good luck.

Martialisthebestpup · 10/01/2023 14:00

With the house would you empty out your smaller possessions but not your furniture then rent it out furnished or semi-furnished? That’s a question for an estate agent who knows your local area.

Flowersinthebasement · 10/01/2023 14:00

Gosh I wish you well. I don't have any advice except to hope you get away safely.

Can you get a reputable solicitor operate under Power of Attorney? S/he could then do all the grunt work you are concerned about. A downpayment/deposit might work for the fee, with the rest payable out of the proceeds of sale. Most solicitors work in tandem with estate agents and the like so it might just work.

I'd just be scared that if you don't get away quickly enough, the baby will be born here, and will need a passport. Ugh.... get away ASAP and forget about material things that will sort itself out. Your safety and that of your child is your no. 1 priority, and I know you know this. Talk to a solicitor.

2bazookas · 10/01/2023 14:04

There are companies that will strip all contents from a house and pay you a very reduced cash value for the contents. Hand keys to agent, show proof of ownership, and instruct them to sell. Take plane to AUS asap before an airline refuses you. Give birth in Aus and register baby as Australian citizen.

Remember to take with you, all paperwork relating to ownership and finance of car, house, cards, debts etc.

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