AIBU to think this is unacceptable of the school

[anerki101]

My DS has suspected ASC. We have been waiting ages for a meeting with the school to discuss - that's another thread!

But anyway, DS is 4. Started school in Septemeber. He is 100% toilet trained nothing day and night. Never has accidents. Accept at school. If he doesn't do his daily poo at home after school, then he poos his pants at school. Its becoming an almost daily occurance. This started at the beginning of December. In all that time the staff have only noticed ONCE that he has had an accident and changed him.

Today I found out DS had done a poo in his pants between 12 and 1. I picked him up at 4:15. He'd been sitting in his own poo for three to four hours.

AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable?

The school are aware of these accidents. I have had several discussions with his teacher about preventing, etc. Nothing has worked so far but the biggest issue is that they aren't noticing he's had an accident and leaving him to sit in it all day.

I'm not blaming teachers. I have a lot of respect for teachers. But I also don't appreciate my sons school leaving him to sit in his own crap for four hours. All they have to do is call me and I'd be there to sort him out. If they want me to take him home everyday at lunch, I'd do that too.

I'm not blaming teachers. I have a lot of respect for teachers. But I also don't appreciate my sons school leaving him to sit in his own crap for four hours. All they have to do is call me and I'd be there to sort him out. If they want me to take him home everyday at lunch, I'd do that too.

Why not just do it anyway though?

Delightful. So a child is not allowed to have an education because he has a disability? I think you may find that is against the law.

There are some useful resources on the ERIC website. School should absolutely be supporting your son. We have worked with children before on slowly becoming more comfortable with school toilets (a separate, disabled toilet that was quieter and private) start by naming things they like about the bathroom, go and visit, put up pictures to make it feel nice, sit on the toilet with trousers on with iPad or toys, gradually build up to underpants, then sit with nothing on but no expectations of bowel movement. Would steps or a seat help? I think getting to the bottom of what he doesn’t like about them would be a start in helping him. Could you draw a picture of them and ask him to tell you about it, what’s the same/different as the toilet at home, what is nice in there? What isn’t nice?

Have you ever brought it to the schools attention? Just have a quick word with the teacher at the door in the morning or pop an email and see if that helps

I'm not sure why you need to genuinely not believe me because nowhere at all have I mentioned that I'm a teacher.

Again though, you seem hellbent on other people parenting for you, whether this is because you lack the basic skills or not I'm not sure. You've had plenty of solutions on this thread and all you have is excuses. So what does it matter if you can't get a meeting with the school? What does that have to do with you taking him home at lunch? Nothing at all, you clearly just cannot be bothered.

It's extremely hypothetical for you to bash you child's teacher for letting him sit in shit every single day, when YOU as his mother KNOW that he will be sitting in shit from lunchtime every single day and decide that actually, you couldn't care less.

Because every time I spoke to his teacher she had an, "Oh don't worry about a thing, leave it with us. We'll sort it," attitude.

My school has a strictly adhered to rule that in the circumstances you've described there must be 2 adults to clean and change him. With staffing levels the way they are this makes life very difficult when a child has a really bad accident. And as others have described, reception classrooms stink, especially after lunch. The kids fart their way through phonics and the smell sometimes makes me gag. They really are smelly little creatures.

Right, but you know that’s not happening. So why not just take him home daily at lunchtime?

There’s quite a lot of issues to unpick here.

firstly a lot of people are talking about accidents. This is not the case with the OPs son. He is perfectly capable of using a toilet. He is choosing to shit himself.
the issue is why and what does he mean by the toilets aren’t pretty.

secondly, assuming that he feels unable to go to the toilets to poo, why is he sitting in his own poo and not telling anyone about it at all. Doesn’t he trust any adults at the school? the senco for instance?

thirdly and probably most importantly if this is going to be sorted why is the school ignoring a perfectly reasonable request from a worried parent? This is the part that would concern me because if they can’t be bothered to respond in this case when it would be to everyone’s advantage to have this sorted then I can’t imagine they are going to be interested in discussing any other issues or problems.

@anerki101 I feel for you and your son but in schools or playschool where I live they are not admitted unless fully toilet trained.
I know you say it only happens at school. I have 3 kids and they hated using school toilets would hold in all day.
School toilets have always been messy even when I was at school.
I would just go into the school when your dropping him off and say you can't wait any longer for a meeting can he be taken off the register and start again in September in the bigger school
Is your interview for you to be a T/A at the other school this may then work better if you are in the school

Their jobs?

My post was obviously supposed to say hypocritical 🙄 auto correct

Teaching?

Whatever you say, babes. You're obviously right. You know better than me. Xx

Toilet training is a part of education, hence the fact that it is, for example, included as educational provision in EHCPs when necessary.

I will suggest this to his teacher going forward.

No, it isn’t when they reach primary school. In many LAs it’s not a part of nursery education either.

“No, he's in such a state he needs a shower. After four hours you can imagine that the poo has crusted and stuck to him. It needs scrubbing off with hot soapy water. A packet of baby wipes and spare pants isn't going to cut it after four hours. And what, I'm supposed to do, change him on the backseat, poo everywhere whilst his class mates and their parents walk past? Cmon, try harder”

I don’t know what you mean by try harder. I have no agenda.

I would not leave my distressed child in that condition for a moment longer than necessary.

Why? Just say you’re doing it and do it. You don’t need permission.

How difficult would it be to get someone in the office to do this?

I quite like your attitude. It's a bit sexy.

Of course, a stranger on the internet can say with utter confidence that they know far better than me about parenting my child.

His father has his uses, yes.

The office staff are working incredibly hard doing their jobs. Schools don't have staff hanging about at a loose end waiting for children to appear who need support.