AIBU to think this is unacceptable of the school

[anerki101]

My DS has suspected ASC. We have been waiting ages for a meeting with the school to discuss - that's another thread!

But anyway, DS is 4. Started school in Septemeber. He is 100% toilet trained nothing day and night. Never has accidents. Accept at school. If he doesn't do his daily poo at home after school, then he poos his pants at school. Its becoming an almost daily occurance. This started at the beginning of December. In all that time the staff have only noticed ONCE that he has had an accident and changed him.

Today I found out DS had done a poo in his pants between 12 and 1. I picked him up at 4:15. He'd been sitting in his own poo for three to four hours.

AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable?

The school are aware of these accidents. I have had several discussions with his teacher about preventing, etc. Nothing has worked so far but the biggest issue is that they aren't noticing he's had an accident and leaving him to sit in it all day.

Push harder for a meeting with the school to come up with a solution. Several solutions have been suggested on this thread.
You are acting as though there is no solution. I don't see how that's helpful.

Schools have no money. We can't afford paper. Support staff are non existent.

If a child needs changing my school policy is that two staff members have to go together as doing it alone leaves them open to accusations.

Please don't accuse school staff of being lazy or not compassionate. We're doing the best we can.

So no TA’s in the entire school? I’d be very surprised if there are no TA’s in Reception due to staffing ratios. I also very much doubt they would all need help toileting at exactly the same time. For what it’s worth, our HT became me in class whilst I supported the child in the toilet. We have a fab head who values her staff and the children in her school snd who isn’t afraid to muck in.
Honestly I get its tough. We are short staffed and have no funding. I would still prioritise the well being of a 4 year old above anything else.

Not read all the thread.

However we had a child who refused the toilets on the same reasons - so I printed so Thomas the tank engine pictures and decorated the boys toilet - he then would use the toilet -

Maybe suggest something similar?

You still haven’t said what you’d do if there were five kids like the OP’s in your class. I think it’s 30% of school starts now have toilet issues? So I’m being generous when I say only five.

Have you just learned the word nasty?

I would seek a referral to the paediatric continence team-ours are really helpful.

I would also look at the Eric website and focus on pulling out all of the stops at home to make sure he does his daily ‘after school’ poo. If that’s a routine that works and means he doesn’t need a poo at school the next day-that is better and much less distressing for him.

I’d then ask the class teacher/senco/head for a meeting to discuss what should happen in a soiling situation. Is there a personal care policy at the school-have a look on their website.

I have said I'd be happy to go in and change him every day myself or bring him home at lunch every day and hell, if the school recommended taking him out and trying the following year I'd do that too. The problem is I can't even get a meeting to discuss any of this with them properly.

There are other more appropriate words but would probably be removed…

Stop making excuses. Turn up at lunch time and say you're there to take him home. It's not hard.

Ah, another teacher with no compassion? We've had that already.

We've never had a no helping rule. I think that's ridiculous. Some children need the extra support for whatever reason. Obviously this tends to be more common in the early years of education.

I'd quite often find myself helping children to change.

As soon as he gets in the car when I pick him up, honestly the smell is bloody awful. I have to drive home with all the windows open.“

So you don’t change him before you drive home?

Honestly I feel like you are using the OP’s predicament to fulfil your own criteria. Clearly that would be challenging but they have as much right to be in school as every other child so I would find a way to make it work. The first thing I would do is speak to the SENCo.

And once again, they are all not likely to need changing at the same time.

I am a qualified teacher currently working as a TA. I am also a parent of a child with SEN who had toileting issues in reception and often soiled himself.

I currently work with an autistic child who often refuses to use the toilet in school. To remedy this I take him to the toilet several times a day when it is quiet and I stand outside to make sure it is private for him. I have also put up several pictures of his favourite characters so it looks nice for him. He uses the same toilet every day and I make sure it is clean and tidy for him.

I work with another child he is selectively mute and doesn’t have the confidence to ask to go to the toilet. The child has several accidents and I always change him and make little fuss. He will not say if he has wet himself so if I don’t notice he will stay like this for a while and sometimes he will go home like it. It isn’t that I don’t care or don’t want to change him. It is because I work in such a high need class I am spread very thin and I just don’t notice.

I am afraid it is true that schools are stretched so thin lots of children with special needs are not being supported adequately and it makes me so sad for them. This includes my son who is now in secondary school and I am still fighting for the right support for him.

I've heard it all now. OP can't take her son home from school at lunchtime because she can't arrange a meeting with the school so leaves him to sit in his own shit day in day out and then has the cheek to blame the teacher

I think it's very wrong that when teachers are pointing out the reality of life in school they're accusing of not having compassion. It couldn't be further from the truth. Being unable to meet the needs of the children in our care is heartbreaking.

No, he's in such a state he needs a shower. After four hours you can imagine that the poo has crusted and stuck to him. It needs scrubbing off with hot soapy water. A packet of baby wipes and spare pants isn't going to cut it after four hours. And what, I'm supposed to do, change him on the backseat, poo everywhere whilst his class mates and their parents walk past? Cmon, try harder.

Most DCs have NO concept of time. If this school is anything like the one I work in, they have continuous access to outdoor play all the time, it could have been any time in the afternoon session so not necessarily between 12-1!! I can’t believe that you suspect adults working with DS are unable to smell faeces for 3-4 hours when it’s so pungent for yourself! Someone only has to break wind in my class and im constantly checking so I find it incomprehensible that it’s for so long!!

It’s what happens when peoples’ eyes are opened even slightly to the massive crisis in Education though. They just can’t believe this is the reality, and it’s easier to blame the teachers.

Would he use a disabled loo in school?
My kids primary has an adapted disabled loo with hoist etc but it's not in with the other kids. It might feel safer.

Even if he has an accident, he does need to alert someone. It happens to loads of kids but teachers can't be checking his pants every few minutes. If he tells them and you supply spares he could use a disabled loo and sort himself out? More space and privacy in there.

I definitely be walking into school and sorting a meeting asap. That needs sorting.

However it isn't a teachers or TAs job to sort regular toileting problems. Kids will have accidents at that age but if he can't be on pants then he might have to go to pull-ups which he or toileting trained staff can change in a different loo until he's sorted at school.

It's tough as there will very likely be 6-8 other kids in the room with additional needs so those staff are stretched hugely thinly. It's a tough situation for everyone.

Disabled loo might have shower in too?

Is this a teacher bashing thread in disguise! I suspect it is!!