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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To discourage friendship - gun in house

159 replies

Concernedrethis · 09/01/2023 19:24

So more of a WWYD?

NC again. Possibly outing.

Moved to rural area two years ago. DS (Year 6) has struggled to find his feet. Been bullied horribly. Has three school friends. Some non school friends now.

Recently, one of his school friends (who has male older siblings) told me that his dad has a gun, has a gun licence, has let him shoot it and keeps it for something (I can’t remember what) ‘and protection’.

I have had a few interactions with the parents and they seem nice. They live in town in a terrace house, not a farm.

What would you do?

Previously my DS has been at the house once for a birthday party. They live close by so likely will walk together to and from school when they go up to ‘big school’.

I don’t know how the gun is kept. I don’t know the older siblings well.

Would I be unreasonable to not allow my DS to go to their house? WIBU to ask the mum about it?

I have never known anyone with a gun before. UK based.

OP posts:
blubberball · 09/01/2023 19:25

I wouldn't let mine go round knowing they're messing around with a gun no.

blubberball · 09/01/2023 19:26

I wouldn't discourage the friendship though. Friend could come over, or they could play out and at school.

Soggydog · 09/01/2023 19:27

I'd certainly want to know that the stringent rules of keeping a gun are being kept to. It should be locked in.a cabinet and only the owner should know where the key is. I believe the ammo should be locked separately. I wouldn't want him to go round unless that is definitely the situation and I know won't be out if my child was round.

YellowHpok · 09/01/2023 19:28

I'd be having a chat with the local PCSO about the unrestricted use of a gun by a minor tbh.

WombatStewForTea · 09/01/2023 19:28

I wouldn't do anything. There are incredibly strict laws around gun licences. It will be kept in a locked cupboard. And there's nothing wrong with the friend firing it if suitably supervised e.g. At a shooting club

Original poster
Concernedrethis · 09/01/2023 19:29

Already differing views. Interesting. Thank you.

OP posts:
Streamside · 09/01/2023 19:30

This person will have to keep their gun in an approved cabinet and the police will regularly check it in order for the licence to be renewed.
I doubt if you've any cause for concern.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/01/2023 19:30

Don’t give a crap if it’s locked in a box my child wouldn’t be going to that house.
They also wouldn’t go to the house where particular breeds of dogs are.

the kids can be friends though

celestebellman · 09/01/2023 19:31

When I was at school my parents would not let me go to my best friend's house for quite a long time (maybe several years) when they found out her brother had an air rifle (I think he had paraded it around a bit, albeit unloaded!) At the time it caused a bit of bad feeling and I was furious but in retrospect I think they were right - we stayed friends, just she came to my house.

So personally I would not discourage the friendship but might try to have friends round instead of your child going there. I'd feel the same about certain dangerous dog breeds tbh.

Cileymyrus · 09/01/2023 19:33

I don’t know how the gun is kept. I don’t know the older siblings well

if they have a gun license it will be locked securely in a specified cabinet.

as pp said highly unlikey they are “messing around” with it, but have been to the gun club with dad.

my neighbours have guns. Wouldn’t have known until the cops came round as the license was being checked. They asked us if we had any objections and if we had any concerns. So it is monitored and checked.

you could call 101. If they don’t have a license that will be checked, if they do it will also be checked to make sure conditions are adhered to.

Stressfordays · 09/01/2023 19:33

My dad and brother had gun licenses so there were lots of guns at mine when I lived at home. They were kept in locked gun cabinets and ammo kept separately as per the very strict rules around owning guns. The police do check this periodically as well. My DC went to my parents house when they still had the guns (my Dad has since passed away and my brother gave up his license when he did) and I had no issues with it at all.

Pumperthepumper · 09/01/2023 19:34

I wouldn’t let my kids anywhere near a house with a gun. Particularly one that thinks gun ownership is protective.

TerfOnATrain · 09/01/2023 19:34

We have a gun, a shotgun, DS has it for clay pigeon shooting at country clubs. We have a gun safe and he had a licence. We live in suburban Yorkshire. Not uncommon in our friendship groups who have a mutual interest.

it is absolutely not accessible to anyone other than DS age 28 or me as I know where the key is, but the ammunition is in another separate safe and I don’t have a key for that.

Why don’t you ask? That said, minors or strangers would NOT know we had one.

mindutopia · 09/01/2023 19:34

I would talk with your ds about being sensible and safe and keep the lines of communication open, but not forbid him from seeing his friend.

Dh has guns. I couldn’t honestly even tell you how many as they are always locked away and Dh is very strict about their use and handling. We live on a farm, but lots of people shoot for sport and live on estates. It doesn’t mean they’re gangsters. I’d be really sad to think that one of our dc’s friends parents thought badly of us because there are guns in the house.

But it sounds like it would be good to get to know the friend and get a feel for the family situation. At Y6, you should still be getting to know parents a bit when dc become friends. And teach your ds how to make good judgments about people if someone makes him uncomfortable. My guess is the ‘for protection’ thing is the stupid stuff that kids say to each other trying to look tough.

TerfOnATrain · 09/01/2023 19:35

*has licence not had

justasking111 · 09/01/2023 19:36

Soggydog · 09/01/2023 19:27

I'd certainly want to know that the stringent rules of keeping a gun are being kept to. It should be locked in.a cabinet and only the owner should know where the key is. I believe the ammo should be locked separately. I wouldn't want him to go round unless that is definitely the situation and I know won't be out if my child was round.

You're correct. The police visit to check the placement and security of the gun safe. Every renewal of your gun licence your GP is involved they liaise with the police on your suitability. Last time GP charged £110.

The rules are very stringent. I've no idea where my OH keeps the keys. The cartridges are stored elsewhere.

thunderstruckk · 09/01/2023 19:36

The gun will be in a securely locked gun box or cabinet, it won't be on the kitchen table in the middle of tea time.

Kids boast about things they think are different or cool - this kid probably thinks it's really cool to talk about his dads gun or similar. I'm country through and through and would take it with such a large pinch of salt! Keeping guns myself and within the family I know that there's very little chance his dad would be risking his license for silly games or bad practice keeping it out etc.

I think you should allow your child to be friends with them, and get to know the parents. Older siblings seem like a non issue too!

WinterFoxes · 09/01/2023 19:37

If he's a sports shooter, that could be why he has it. DS shoots for sport - targets, not animals. He's never shot an animal and is veggie, almost vegan. He has been asked to train for the Olympic squad and is intending to buy a gun, get a license and a locked box to keep it in once he leaves uni and has a home of his own.He and all his shooting friends are very gentle. Not everyone who has a gun licence and knows how to handle a gun is a lawless redneck. (Not saying you should immediately trust them, just putting another picture. If DS hadn't got into it as a sport I'd have worried as you do. We are a very soft liberal family, clueless about guns until he discovered he had a talent for target practise.)

AffIt · 09/01/2023 19:40

I grew up in a shooting family and until about ten years ago, owned guns and maintained my shooting licence (I live in a city).

My guns were kept in a cabinet that was bolted to the floor, kept locked at all times and ammunition was stored separately, also under lock and key. I was the only keyholder.

Storage was inspected annually by the police as a condition of retaining my licence and could also be inspected at any time.

So, yeah, a lot of hoops to jump through.

I suspect your son's mate is playing a bit 'Billy Big Baws' about this, but if you have any concerns, please report it to your local PCSO. If there is one thing the police do seem to take seriously in this country (especially rural forces), it's gun control.

gawditswindy · 09/01/2023 19:40

I think they're changing the law, so you're not allowed to tell people you've a gun, so you're not a target for someone who might want it.

Maybe find out WHY he has it. I know a couple of people with guns but I know why they have them, and it seems a good reason.

roarfeckingroarr · 09/01/2023 19:42

I wouldn't have this reaction. A few of my friends shoot and as part of their license their guns are locked safely away. This isn't America - it's not going to be a semi automatic weapon!

Phillipa12 · 09/01/2023 19:42

As long as the gun is kept in accordance with the licensing laws I really do not see the problem. The house it's also kept in is also not relevant. In my county alone there are over 100,000 firearms licenses.

Hidingawaytoday · 09/01/2023 19:42

I'm on the fence, but if the parents seem nice, could you ask them about it? Just say their son told you about it, and that although you're sure it's fine, it's a new situation to you and you just want to reassure yourself? It would be a shame to limit your son's friendship needlessly. Especially as his friend might just be making it up!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 09/01/2023 19:42

If he has a gun license an officer will have conducted a home visit to confirm that there is a suitable lockable gun cabinet or store to safely keep the gun and to reiterate that the guns must be safely locked away at all times when not in use.

Our ds shoots with dh and has since he was very young. He doesn’t do so without supervision although several of his friends also shoot and they have been out together on occasion (with one of the parents). Gun ownership really isn’t uncommon in the countryside and wouldn’t be necessarily be a cause for concern in and of itself.

That being said I may be slightly concerned about the fact that this child felt the need to show off about this and also the ‘protection’ comment. Although as a pp suggested, the child may just be trying to look tough.

user143677433 · 09/01/2023 19:43

If they are responsible gun owners then they will have no objection at all to you asking them about it and should be able to reassure you. Nor would they object to you checking with the police.

If they do object to you checking then they are not likely to be responsible gun owners.