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AIBU?

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Original poster

To discourage friendship - gun in house

159 replies

Concernedrethis · 09/01/2023 19:24

So more of a WWYD?

NC again. Possibly outing.

Moved to rural area two years ago. DS (Year 6) has struggled to find his feet. Been bullied horribly. Has three school friends. Some non school friends now.

Recently, one of his school friends (who has male older siblings) told me that his dad has a gun, has a gun licence, has let him shoot it and keeps it for something (I can’t remember what) ‘and protection’.

I have had a few interactions with the parents and they seem nice. They live in town in a terrace house, not a farm.

What would you do?

Previously my DS has been at the house once for a birthday party. They live close by so likely will walk together to and from school when they go up to ‘big school’.

I don’t know how the gun is kept. I don’t know the older siblings well.

Would I be unreasonable to not allow my DS to go to their house? WIBU to ask the mum about it?

I have never known anyone with a gun before. UK based.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 09/01/2023 20:11

If you are proper rural rather than just sort of suburban type rural there will be a lot more people with guns in their house than you realise.

Goosefatroasts · 09/01/2023 20:12

That’s a firm no. My friends dad had a gun but they lived in a massive house with lots of land. One night her dad thought they were getting burgled so he ran downstairs with a gun. Needless to say I never stayed again after that. Me and my friend were at her bedroom door wanting to see what all the commotion was and I don’t think even she knew her dad had a gun until that point.

WetBandits · 09/01/2023 20:14

Not sure on this one.

The gun would, by law, have to be kept securely locked away. In comparison, I have a set of very sharp knives fully accessible in my kitchen at all times as well as a selection of matches and lighters in the drawers.

WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 09/01/2023 20:15

@Goosefatroasts this reads as though it's improper storage of guns, i do know this happens but if following the rules should not.
Guns are in one safe, and must always be stored unloaded.
Ammo is in a second safe.

The reality should be by the time someone feels threatened, has got their gun, opened a second safe and loaded it.... if there was a genuine threat, well, they wouldn't have time.

In this instance I would say your 100% correct to not go back to that house.

Notsa · 09/01/2023 20:16

My husband and daughter have licences and guns. If you live rural you will come into contact with a lot of people who do.

Licence conditions are strict. I could not even access the guns, I have no idea where the key is kept and ammo is separate. We do not advertise it however and no one would even know tbh. You put yourself at risk otherwise.

Yarrawonga · 09/01/2023 20:16

Being quite lazy, rifle target shootIng was the ideal sport for me

My husband jokes that it is the only sport he has been any good at. Because you can do it lying down.

He started at school in year 9.

Hmmmm2018 · 09/01/2023 20:16

Having grown up rurally many of my friends had guns at their homes, with all the correct licensing and cabinets, as another said I'd have had very few friends houses to go to if I wasn't allowed into gun owning houses. I would chat to the mum and clarify the situation to ease your mind.

tenbob · 09/01/2023 20:18

gawditswindy · 09/01/2023 19:40

I think they're changing the law, so you're not allowed to tell people you've a gun, so you're not a target for someone who might want it.

Maybe find out WHY he has it. I know a couple of people with guns but I know why they have them, and it seems a good reason.

Licence holders have been strongly discouraged from telling people they own a gun for a very long time.

eg you shouldn’t use your gun licence as photo ID, despite it being very official photo ID..!

OP, you say you haven’t ever known anyone with a gun before, but you may well have done. It’s not usually something people blab about. We have several guns in our house but very few people know. There are friends we have known for absolutely years who probably have no idea they are eating dinner feet away from a cupboard full of guns when they come to our house..!

And another point about storage - we’ve had a random police visit where they walk in and ask to see the gun cabinet to check it’s locked. Then they asked for it to be opened to see what was inside it - all our guns and only our guns.
Fail one of those checks and you’ll have your guns and license taken straight off you.

I also heard of a case where the police turned up at a house where the husband was the licence holder but wasn’t at home.
The police asked to see the cabinet to check it was locked - tick
then they asked to look inside it so the wife went to go and get the keys.

They immediately seized the guns and stripped him of his licence. As someone without one, the wife shouldn’t have known where the keys were.

The police absolutely do not fuck around with gun ownership in the UK.

Missedvocation · 09/01/2023 20:18

I have 2 shotguns. I use them for clay pigeon shooting and pest control in a rural area - I live in a town house. Guns have to be kept in a locked cabinet fixed to a supporting wall - preferably in an attic. A police officer from the firearms division inspects the cabinet prior to a licence being issued.

I understand your concern because of unfamiliarity, but gun culture in the U.K. is so different from a country like the states. Disappointed to hear the word ‘protection’. Unless the child meant crop protection? From pests?

I’m a stranger on the internet, but I hope I can provide minor comfort that our gun laws are tight and safety rules are culturally adhered to. There are actually nearly a million firearms in the U.K., of which over 600,000 are shotguns. They are very prevalent- especially in rural areas.

As to your child - safety first. If in doubt follow your instincts. As a licences gun holder I would have no qualms with another parent asking me questions to understand gun safety. I also understand that many people oppose gun use for pest control / food gathering. I wouldn’t take offence if another parent wasn’t comfortable.

just ask - only good can come of it 😀

Goosefatroasts · 09/01/2023 20:18

@WhyCantPeopleBeNice

Yep and whilst the house was large with a decent amount of land at the back it most certainly wasn’t rural. Perhaps you could say semi-rural but only by a whisper. No farm or animals or anything like that, just lots and lots of guard dogs to dissuade the council estate that it backed onto. Plus they were always a bit shifty about how their money was made so yes it was a resounding no after that from my mum.

Quisto · 09/01/2023 20:19

My DS joined scouts at 10. He's been on a shooting range twice with his group and at a Jamboree. His aunt lives on a farm and his cousin represents his country at shooting clays. Properly supervised, it's a good skill to learn.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/01/2023 20:25

Licenced guns are far more common in rural communities, and if your neighbours are mainly farmers (as ours are) you might struggle to find houses that don't have a gun in them.

I'm not sure if pay much heed to a kid who is clearly showing off tbh. It will be licensed for hunting or predictor control, not "for protection".

It isn't the same as finding out a family has an illegal gun lying around - their are tight rules about storage.

AffIt · 09/01/2023 20:26

@tenbob

I also heard of a case where the police turned up at a house where the husband was the licence holder but wasn’t at home.
The police asked to see the cabinet to check it was locked - tick
then they asked to look inside it so the wife went to go and get the keys.
They immediately seized the guns and stripped him of his licence. As someone without one, the wife shouldn’t have known where the keys were.

This happened to me, too (I was the licence holder).

Obviously, my OH said 'she's not at home, I have no keys, no idea', so after doing a check to make sure the safe was, well, safe and locked as it should be, all was good from that impromptu visit.

Andsoforth · 09/01/2023 20:27

I know of two elderly people, in our extended family who owned guns illegally. One was kept in the wardrobe (in case of burglars) and the other was a handgun of historical significance, stored in an attic.

Not everyone is responsible so I would be asking questions.

Pumperthepumper · 09/01/2023 20:28

tenbob · 09/01/2023 20:18

Licence holders have been strongly discouraged from telling people they own a gun for a very long time.

eg you shouldn’t use your gun licence as photo ID, despite it being very official photo ID..!

OP, you say you haven’t ever known anyone with a gun before, but you may well have done. It’s not usually something people blab about. We have several guns in our house but very few people know. There are friends we have known for absolutely years who probably have no idea they are eating dinner feet away from a cupboard full of guns when they come to our house..!

And another point about storage - we’ve had a random police visit where they walk in and ask to see the gun cabinet to check it’s locked. Then they asked for it to be opened to see what was inside it - all our guns and only our guns.
Fail one of those checks and you’ll have your guns and license taken straight off you.

I also heard of a case where the police turned up at a house where the husband was the licence holder but wasn’t at home.
The police asked to see the cabinet to check it was locked - tick
then they asked to look inside it so the wife went to go and get the keys.

They immediately seized the guns and stripped him of his licence. As someone without one, the wife shouldn’t have known where the keys were.

The police absolutely do not fuck around with gun ownership in the UK.

Show quote history

Oh god, this is so ridiculous. So what we’ve learned here is, if you’re not the license holder then lie to the police about where the keys are.

TheFlis12345 · 09/01/2023 20:30

I’d estimate that the homes of half of my friends growing up contained gun safes with guns in. My in laws does now, along with many other friends and neighbours. I have never seen a single one of their guns. Other than my in laws. I don’t even know where the safes are and I certainly don’t know where the keys are. People with gun licenses in this country take their responsibilities incredibly seriously, as do the police monitoring them. Frankly, in the average home, kitchen knives pose a bigger risk.

AffIt · 09/01/2023 20:30

@Concernedrethis, you'll also find that the vast majority of gun owners in this country either grew up with guns (as I did) or came to them through sporting pursuits such as clays or target shooting and, as such, have had gun safety literally battered into them from day one: you NEVER carry an unbroken gun, you NEVER walk in front of the line, you NEVER leave the safe open or turn your back on it for a minute etc. It's like breathing.

This is not the US: literally the VERY first thing you are taught is that GUNS KILL and the fear of that is ingrained.

AffIt · 09/01/2023 20:31

Andsoforth · 09/01/2023 20:27

I know of two elderly people, in our extended family who owned guns illegally. One was kept in the wardrobe (in case of burglars) and the other was a handgun of historical significance, stored in an attic.

Not everyone is responsible so I would be asking questions.

I hope you reported them.

HelloMrBond · 09/01/2023 20:31

Dear god woman, it’s like watching an episode of heartbeat. The poor man owns a gun, probably more than one. He has it legally on a licence. It will surprise you to learn that thousands of people own legal shotguns and firearms and it will surprise you even more to learn that they are not a threat. The poor chap probably shoots clay pigeons, vermin or even might be part of a game shooting syndicate. I imagine he sometimes takes his son shooting, which again is perfectly legal. Live and let live.

Pumperthepumper · 09/01/2023 20:32

AffIt · 09/01/2023 20:30

@Concernedrethis, you'll also find that the vast majority of gun owners in this country either grew up with guns (as I did) or came to them through sporting pursuits such as clays or target shooting and, as such, have had gun safety literally battered into them from day one: you NEVER carry an unbroken gun, you NEVER walk in front of the line, you NEVER leave the safe open or turn your back on it for a minute etc. It's like breathing.

This is not the US: literally the VERY first thing you are taught is that GUNS KILL and the fear of that is ingrained.

Why have them at all then?

WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 09/01/2023 20:33

@Pumperthepumper i think you may have misunderstood.
I know where the safes are. I do not know where the keys are.
This is correct and right because I have not had the same rigorous checking my husband (license holder) has had.
IF someone doesn't take the security seriously there's a very good chance the non license holder would try and be 'helpful' and tell the police where the keys are. The mere fact they know where the keys are means they could in principle get access to the guns.

In every situation if someone knows the system, they can lie and work the system...the principle described though is about filtering out poor practice not deliberate manipulation

StaunchMomma · 09/01/2023 20:34

A lot more people shoot for sport/recreation than people realise.

The law states that the gun must be kept in a mounted or screwed down, locked gun case with keys kept in a separate location. You have to prove that you are a safe gun owner to even get the license. I very much doubt the son even knows where the keys are.

I'm incredibly anti gun in terms of general ownership for 'protection' but I love clay shooting and would love my own rifle. It's really quite common in rural areas.

Thee Dad allowing his Son to shoot the gun, clearly when out shooting, doesn't mean the kid is 'messing around' with it at home.

If you're really worried, just ask them about it.

Lovemusic33 · 09/01/2023 20:35

Gun laws are pretty tight in the uk. The gun will be kept in a locked cabinet, I am sure they don’t just randomly get it out and shoot it, they probably use it at a riffle/shooting club.

I wouldn’t be worried about it.

gawditswindy · 09/01/2023 20:35

But the problem is that even legally owned guns can be misused. There was a shooting (murder) in Skye last summer where the guy owned his guns legally.

Pumperthepumper · 09/01/2023 20:35

WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 09/01/2023 20:33

@Pumperthepumper i think you may have misunderstood.
I know where the safes are. I do not know where the keys are.
This is correct and right because I have not had the same rigorous checking my husband (license holder) has had.
IF someone doesn't take the security seriously there's a very good chance the non license holder would try and be 'helpful' and tell the police where the keys are. The mere fact they know where the keys are means they could in principle get access to the guns.

In every situation if someone knows the system, they can lie and work the system...the principle described though is about filtering out poor practice not deliberate manipulation

It’s not foolproof though. All you have to say is you don’t know where the keys are, even if you do.

The mere fact they know where the keys are means they could in principle get access to the guns

Yes, that’s my point.