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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To discourage friendship - gun in house

159 replies

Concernedrethis · 09/01/2023 19:24

So more of a WWYD?

NC again. Possibly outing.

Moved to rural area two years ago. DS (Year 6) has struggled to find his feet. Been bullied horribly. Has three school friends. Some non school friends now.

Recently, one of his school friends (who has male older siblings) told me that his dad has a gun, has a gun licence, has let him shoot it and keeps it for something (I can’t remember what) ‘and protection’.

I have had a few interactions with the parents and they seem nice. They live in town in a terrace house, not a farm.

What would you do?

Previously my DS has been at the house once for a birthday party. They live close by so likely will walk together to and from school when they go up to ‘big school’.

I don’t know how the gun is kept. I don’t know the older siblings well.

Would I be unreasonable to not allow my DS to go to their house? WIBU to ask the mum about it?

I have never known anyone with a gun before. UK based.

OP posts:
eurochick · 09/01/2023 19:44

We hold a firearms licence. At the last police inspection, the officer mentioned there are 47,000 in our county. It is not unusual to have guns in a house. We shoot targets for sport.

As others have mentioned, guns have to be kept unloaded in a locked cabinet with the ammunition in a separate locked safe.

Oakbeam · 09/01/2023 19:45

This isn't America - it's not going to be a semi automatic weapon!

Well, it could be. I know a couple of people who own semi-automatic rifles. They have licences for them.

lljkk · 09/01/2023 19:46

dad has a gun, has a gun licence, has let him shoot it

Is a 6yo in Uk legally allowed to shoot a gun?

lljkk · 09/01/2023 19:46

Oh wait, my bad, so the lad would be at least 10yo in yr6?
Still, is there a minimum age when allowed to shoot real firearms?

Oakbeam · 09/01/2023 19:48

Is a 6yo in Uk legally allowed to shoot a gun?

I believe so. Under supervision.

SaySomethingMan · 09/01/2023 19:48

I imagine many people are very careful and lock heur guns in safes with no chance of the children gaining access, etc etc
You could talk to the parents and they’ll tell you how careful they are.
Many gun incidents take one mistake or a child who’s found a key they’re not supposed to find, etc. Is it worth the risk to you? It wouldn’t be, to me.

Hidingawaytoday · 09/01/2023 19:49

Out of interest (as I have no experience of guns, so have actually found this thread quite interesting), I have a question for those of you who have a licence... what are the rules for carrying it out about? I'm assuming you'd need to take it somewhere to use it - can you just pop on the bus with it hidden? Or do you need to have a car and drive? How do you make sure it's not stolen?

lljkk · 09/01/2023 19:49

Some rules here
www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/fi/af/firearms-licensing/age-restrictions-for-firearm-and-shotgun-certificates/

think that is saying the gun could only have been fired by the lad on a ... regulated? firing range. How can a gun at home be for protection when it can't be kept loaded?

Stressfordays · 09/01/2023 19:49

lljkk · 09/01/2023 19:46

Oh wait, my bad, so the lad would be at least 10yo in yr6?
Still, is there a minimum age when allowed to shoot real firearms?

I'm sure it was 7 at my Dads gun club. My eldest was 6 when my Dad passed and wasn't old enough to go shooting with grandad at that age. My Dad really wanted to take him and would have as soon as he was old enough.

Oakbeam · 09/01/2023 19:52

what are the rules for carrying it out about?

Strict. In order to get a licence you need to show that you have somewhere suitable to us the gun. Either your own land or permission form a friendly landowner. You must keep it covered up in a case in public places.

glasshole · 09/01/2023 19:52

If he has a license and and it's kept correctly in a locked cabinet and ammo separate then I would think it's fine. But I was raised with an able with a shot gun. Gun clubs and shooting ranges do exist in the uk. Shooting is a hobby for some. In my house we have an entire wall dedicated to archery. My recurve bow, my daughters recurve take down and soon my DHs crossbow.

I would 100% be warning the family that the kids has loose lips though.

Original poster
Concernedrethis · 09/01/2023 19:53

Really helpful to hear from different perspectives. Thank you.

I don’t have enough common ground with the mum to become good friends but we have talked a few times and she seems really nice. I’ve met the dad a couple of times too and he seems nice. They seem like very committed parents.

I mentioned the older brothers as I feel like this is where the risk might be. Adolescence = greater risk taking especially when with peers.

OP posts:
Hidingawaytoday · 09/01/2023 19:54

Oakbeam · 09/01/2023 19:52

what are the rules for carrying it out about?

Strict. In order to get a licence you need to show that you have somewhere suitable to us the gun. Either your own land or permission form a friendly landowner. You must keep it covered up in a case in public places.

Thanks @Oakbeam

HoppingAndHoping · 09/01/2023 19:57

I wouldn't have an issue with responsible gun ownership.

Couldn't you ask the parents directly? I'm sure they'd understand (otherwise I'd wonder about them being actually responsible...)

Otherwise: I wouldn't discourage the friendship, no. But children should be kept away from irresponsible gun ownership. Not allowing him to go to that friend's house would be very reasonable (and necessary imo).

Augend23 · 09/01/2023 19:59

I mean crikey, if my parents hadn't let me be friends with anyone with a gun in the house at high school (moved to the country at the start of secondary) I don't think I would have had any friends.

I really wouldn't be too worried.

Summerfun54321 · 09/01/2023 20:02

I would at least find out if it's a gun or an air rifle. I wouldn't assume the Yr 6 child would have shot a loaded gun, more likely a rifle. Just ask the mum, say you aren't used to people owning guns and wanted to find out a bit more about it to reassure yourself.

Original poster
Concernedrethis · 09/01/2023 20:02

Well this has been enlightening! Thank you.

I was expecting people to say don’t be idiotic, of course you should steer clear!

I think I may try and ask the mum. She seems really nice and like PP said, her response will tell me a lot.

thank you all.

OP posts:
WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 09/01/2023 20:04

@Hidingawaytoday to build on the post by @Oakbeam there are two types of licenses. Many people have shotguns, most are members of clubs and use for clay pigeon or shooting on private land.
Some people have firearms, and this is used for target shooting.
You can have a handgun for this purpose but they have a huge metal bar essentially welded on to make it a certain length making it impossible for concealed carry like they have in America.

If you have a gun, police have your car registration plates so in theory if you are driving from home to a place to shoot your car can and will be picked up. Guns must be kept in cases, not visible and obviously if stopped you'd declare this ie I'm on the way to the range, or I'm off to the supermarket there's nothing in the car.
It would not be ok to go to the range then leave them in the car doing a shop.

It's also worth noting it's exceptionally easy to lose your license.
We've known people who have been victims of aggression and had their guns removed to prevent retaliation even if there was no sign/hint.
An example was someone who had a neighbor be aggressive to them, the gun owner reported the issue to the police and they lost their guns despite not doing anything wrong in the situation.

Angrymum22 · 09/01/2023 20:04

My DS has being doing sleepovers at friends houses since age 5. Most of them have shotguns and air rifles on the premises. I have never considered it to be a problem. DS was introduced to gun rules at an early age, and they were never allowed to use firearms without supervision. I suppose because they have seen how shotguns and rifles can kill (birds and vermin) they are fully aware of the seriousness of using guns. In the same way they are taught to respect vehicles and roads.
Guns have to be kept in locked cabinets. If you are concerned ask the parents about the gun. If they are responsible they will be happy to reassure you.

ConcordeOoter · 09/01/2023 20:05

Kids might tell tall tales about driving their parent's car, using their guns, knowing karate etc. They might also say they are for "protection" when they are not.

What might be more important is whether you so profoundly mistrust this person that you think they are a criminal and a problem. If you do, by all means cease contact.

If it is the mere existence of the gun and this disturbs you, you should know there are literally millions of guns owned in rural areas for a variety of reasons, many of them practical, the overwhelming majority of them are handled very safely, and it is just generally not the done thing in the UK to flash them about or discuss them.

It is a fine line because you should absolutely listen to your instincts and be safe, but just in case it is kneejerk please don't be one of those people who moves in from an urban area and enjoys the nice bits of rural life, but starts freaking out, calling the police and generally trying to force a townie way of life on the locals for what is basically normal life for them.

FuglyBitch · 09/01/2023 20:08

It’d be a no from me

AffIt · 09/01/2023 20:09

ConcordeOoter · 09/01/2023 20:05

Kids might tell tall tales about driving their parent's car, using their guns, knowing karate etc. They might also say they are for "protection" when they are not.

What might be more important is whether you so profoundly mistrust this person that you think they are a criminal and a problem. If you do, by all means cease contact.

If it is the mere existence of the gun and this disturbs you, you should know there are literally millions of guns owned in rural areas for a variety of reasons, many of them practical, the overwhelming majority of them are handled very safely, and it is just generally not the done thing in the UK to flash them about or discuss them.

It is a fine line because you should absolutely listen to your instincts and be safe, but just in case it is kneejerk please don't be one of those people who moves in from an urban area and enjoys the nice bits of rural life, but starts freaking out, calling the police and generally trying to force a townie way of life on the locals for what is basically normal life for them.

All of this, yes.

HappyAsASandboy · 09/01/2023 20:09

I've never had to make this decision, but I do know a few people who keep guns (all rural).

There are strict rules for having a gun license, including keeping the gun locked up, ammo locked separately, and nobody except the owner knowing the location of the key. All the farmers gun owners I know keep to these rules. There's no way they let their kids know the location of the keys.

DomesticShortHair · 09/01/2023 20:09

Thousands of teenagers (which I acknowledge are considerably older than your child) use firearms regularly as part of the cadets. Including me, a long time ago. Being quite lazy, rifle target shootIng was the ideal sport for me, because the idea is not to move. Shooting and the use of guns in the UK is probably a lot more common than you would think.

Having said that 20+ years of working with weapons in my previous job, has led me to the firm conclusion that the kind of people who want access to weapons, are generally the last kind of people who should have access to weapons.

Hidingawaytoday · 09/01/2023 20:10

Thanks @WhyCantPeopleBeNice 😊

This is why I love mumsnet, you can learn things you'd never think about otherwise.