DP won't lend me his carrier bags

[Feelquiteisolated]

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

Aaaw naaaaaw. What a thread to come across when I'm due back at work tomorrow and should have been sleeping 3 hours ago.

Reads like a Mr Bean sketch.

Please tell us his stance on the giving and receiving of gift bags.

And what are the three meals? I bet they are bland AF.

what you need is a bin bag , bin him.

Not necessarily, I have niace reusable bags.

Crikey OP, I hope this is a joke thread, because I started out by laughing my head off and now I’m worried for you.

For those who reacted by saying it was OP’s fault for ruining his system, this is your cue to have a good hard think about yourselves.

A body bag even.

Bin this absolute loser off immediately, please. It sounds like a silly thing but it really isn’t, especially when you consider further details you’ve provided here.

I once dated a guy when I was a teenager, and we went to a gig together. I hadn’t ate much that day but I knew there was going to be food at the venue so I figured I’d just grab something before we went in. For complete clarity, I would be buying my own food.

He wouldn’t allow me to eat. He huffed the entire gig because I’d suggested I buy myself something to eat, to go (ie not missing any of the gig).

The same guy also took a packet of chocolate off me on a walk once, and kept it in his pocket until we’d finished our walk.

Those examples sound silly but when you add them together and also see how the relationship ended up panning out (him hitting me across the face, bruising my arm whilst shaking me after physically dragging me up a road because I was walking too slow due to period cramps), they were huge red flags.

I’m not saying this man is going to hurt you, but it isn’t normal to have that sort of a reaction over a fucking carrier bag. I’d be very wary, if you choose to stay in the relationship, of how things pan out.

I’d leave him. He sounds really unpleasant, self
centred and miserable at best. If he can’t share a plastic bag he isn’t going to want to share the important things in life. If you ever moved in together it would be utter chaos from day one. It isn’t worth it, imo.

I think Porridge, Ham sandwich and an apple, followed by pork Chops, potatoes and veg. Maybe even stretching to a yoghurt as a treat.

Oh god. I bet his bags are folded into those wanky triangles as well.

Seriously though from the rest of your posts you'd be mad to consider any long term future with this guy.

He has major issues.

At the end of the day, on this occasion this is your fault for being unprepared when you went shopping.

True - they should bring back hanging for people like OP.

Not necessarily, I have niace reusable bags.

Don't people normally refer to those as 'shopping bags', though? I've only really ever heard of 'carrier bags' being used for plastic ones from the tills at supermarkets?!

Even so, they don't cost much more than a couple of quid each, do they, unless they're by Anya Hindmarch?!

WHY ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE WHO TAKES YOUR HAPPINESS RATHER THAN ADDS TO IT? Fucks sake,why is anyone in a relationship at all? Nothing but absolute nonsense on this forum, especially from women who think that being a relationship is the thing to do rather than the norm being being on your own and only in exceptional circumstances where another person will add to you existence, choosing to be in a relationship. Couples are not the norm.

A body bag even.

Or, as they're known nowadays, a 'bag for death'

LTB!!!!

Quite brilliant.

I have wanky triangles. They’re made up by folding them like samosas. I’m proud of them.

Any chance he’s on a spectrum? This isn’t typical behaviour

That’s possible, but it wouldn’t explain him being an arsehole. A massive arsehole.

🙌 🤣 Gold

Bag for death 🤣

@BurtonsRevenge

You cannot be serious here. So, you mean, in your entire lifetime, you have never forgot something? A pen? A bag? Keys? Your phone? Your purse?

People forget things all the time. It’s entirely normal. When you forget things you often ask to borrow something or you replace it yourself. Both options OP explored here.

It would be daft to buy a carrier bag, knowing full well he had several on him, when it would be used for all of 5 minutes inside the shop, the length of the journey home and the 10 minutes it probably takes OP to carry the bag of shopping into the home and unpack it. He was not using the bag. He had no urgent need to use the bag. The bag would have remained in his pocket for that entire time.

OP wasn’t trying to scam him out of a canvas bag (which, no harm, at most cost about £2 for the ‘fanciest’ reusable shopping bags you can get? Hardly as if she was trying to do him out of hundreds of pounds, is it?)

When you’re in a relationship, you share things. If my phone battery dies and I need to ring someone, I borrow my partners phone. I’d be absolutely gobsmacked and mortified for him if he turned around to me and said to me “no, you can’t use my phone. It’s your own fault for not making sure your phone had enough charge. I’m not wasting my phone battery on you ringing someone”

Such selfish behaviour.

For your own sake, I sincerely hope you never need the help of any other human in your lifetime. And if you do, I hope they tell you no. Then perhaps you’ll learn an important lesson which you’ve really failed to grasp here. You’ve tried to be one of those ~ I’m so unique and special with my opinions ~ people and it’s just utterly tedious to listen to.

@EricNorthmanYesPlease

I think Porridge, Ham sandwich and an apple, followed by pork Chops, potatoes and veg. Maybe even stretching to a yoghurt as a treat.

I'd probably guess at cornflakes, cheese sandwich (pickle on a Friday), and egg x 2 and chips for dinner. Every single day.

I wonder if he lives near me. No eggs in M&S the other day and their bags for life are exemplary.

How is stuffing bags in your coat pockets like some hobo a "system?" FFS, I've heard it all.

I badly need to know what the 3 meals are, and what he gave you vs what you gave him for Xmas. Also, whether you plan to bin him and change your locks today or by next weekend.

Doesn't sound like he understands the concept of partnership at all. Does this relationship enhance your life, or is it generally a drain on your spirits?

Good lord

Exactly.

Even if we play this situation out and it turns out that the bags are very important to him in that he has them nearly folded and organised all the time for an important (to him) reason, he didn’t need to be a cunt about it. He could have politely explained to OP the issue and I’m sure she would have understood.

There was no need to make her feel so shitty about it and then keep going on over WhatsApp.

Similarly with the washing the cup episode- if it was making him uncomfortable he could have just not watched and walked away. He didn’t need to flick her with water and also be rude.

He very may well be “on the spectrum” but I’d be almost certain that he doesn’t flick water on his co-workers when they leave a mug sitting for 2 days and then begrudgingly wash it “wrong”. Similarly, if his boss needed to borrow a bag- he wouldn’t be telling him/her how irresponsible they were for not having one.

He may not be able to control how he internally feels about things, but he can easily control how he behaves regarding them. He picks on OP because he feels like he can, after 2 years of wearing her down.

He’s a knob.