DP won't lend me his carrier bags

[Feelquiteisolated]

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

Wtf is wrong with him? This is disgraceful. Stop paying for his food and meals. Tell him his need to eat is ‘disturbing your system’ and get rid. Eurgh.

All of this

If this person were your brother or cousin, you would probably tolerate his behaviour but see him infrequently and only with other people present. Having a completely voluntary relationship with someone who treats you like this is an entirely different matter. I don't understand why you are doing it.

Bloody hell OP do you really need telling this is abnormal. Has he got anxiety around stuff generally? Don’t let him put that on you, why should you have to tiptoe around his hang ups, I would get rid if I were you

He criticises everything I do, he tells me to speed up if I'm doing 40 in a 50, he goes crazy if I drive at more than 55 on the motorway. I shower wrong or at the wrong time. I moisturise my face wrong, I washed a cup wrong in his sink today and he flicked water in my face (there's never been any violence tho)

This is not a good, functional relationship. He's hyper-critical. He sounds like he sucks the joy out of everything, and I'd have dumped him by now. He's no 'partner'.

Don't you think you deserve better than this?? Because you do.

Is this for real? My fanny just closed up.

Dump this weirdo.

😂😂😂

Supportive.
Encouraging.
Tolerant.
Respectful.
Generous.
Complimenting.

All things that every partner should be. He is none of those.

Instead of being the wind beneath your wings he’s a wet fart who is ruining your life.

Seriously OP after your updates I'd be out of there, this is definite LTB territory. It's a over critical, unequal, unhealthy relationship. Perhaps you can still be friends if you have a history but he sounds completely bonkers and not sure what exactly you are getting out of this relationship (certainly not a carrier bag 🙊)

Mine too. I couldn’t imagine feeling lustful for a sad little geeky prick like this.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

Neither.

You should kick this stupid controlling *rsehole into touch NOW, before you have wasted any more time, money or energy on him.

I rarely say Leave the Bastard, because I know relationships are very complicated and there are often emotional undercurrents, but I'm saying it now.

Honestly!

You are worth more than this twonk!

He criticises everything I do

You deserve better OP. How awful to live like this.

You will not have a happy life with this man.

OH, FOR FECK'S SAKE JUST FILL THE FECKING SINK AND WASH THAT LOT YOU, TW*T!

AND THAT'S A GLASS, YOU W*NKER!

(I don't know this you-tubes, but I assume this whole charade is sarcasm?)

*you-tuber, not you-tubes

And aplogies for missing letters etc - I asterisked couple of vowels and they somehow disappeared .

@Feelquiteisolated I have read your posts to my DH and he asks what kind of carrier bags they are? If they are the super expensive, fancy waitrose ones, your DP might have a point... (joking)

He also says this man is ridiculous and if he's so possessive of his carrier bags, what else is going to become a problem? He advises you end the relationship...

(He wanted to give a "male perspective")

While writing this, he has also decided you should borrow his carrier bags to pack up his stuff from your house!

😁thanks!

They are Asda bag for lifes.

The bag thing, I can try and understand his side. He wants to have them when he needs them

You asked to borrow one. And even if you borrowed all of them...you were borrowing them because you were in a shop, the exact place you could get more.

I know you're trying to be kind here, but there is nothing to 'understand'. His behaviour is unpleasant and makes no sense. Maybe he is ND, but he's also cruel and abusive with it.

He sounds like he is ND, and before I get bashed for saying this, I have ADHD, and the sticking to very tight rules suggests something is amiss. He also sounds not much fun, are you in love with him?

His territorial possessiveness over a carrier bag does not bode well, OP. There’s a weird degree of control going on here.

He sounds very ND with the rigid meals and shopping bag system that upsets him if "altered".

The way he spoke to you in his message sounds as though he's neuro diverse.

On the surface, clearly he’s a ridiculously petty, mean little twat and you should dump him. But. How much of the time do you forget the little things and expect him to sort them for you? Because over time that gets really old. I used to have a colleague who was always asking “has anyone got any paracetamol?” I always have paracetamol, because I know it’s something you often need suddenly, and I go to the trouble of putting a packet in my bag and restocking when it has run out. Why couldn’t she do the same thing? And if that was too much trouble, why couldn’t she make the five minute trip to the staff shop to buy some? As someone who bothers to prepare for minor emergencies, I can tell you it gets incredibly tedious when other people who can’t be arsed treat you like their mum and a free Amazon prime rolled into one all the time.

There is obviously an underlying cause for his behaviour. You need to work out if you're happy to learn and live within his rules (that may get stricter over time and will definitely limit your life) or not.
You couldn't do it. If he won't acknowledge his issues, then he's never going to change.

He has 3 bags in his coat all the time. And he begrudged letting his girlfriend use one in his presence. Not the same. It's not that she forgot a bag - it's that he isn't acting like a decent human being.