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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't lend me his carrier bags

707 replies

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:16

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
mathanxiety · 09/01/2023 05:25

Endless criticism?

Dump.

Life's too short.

AnyMucca · 09/01/2023 05:31

The shit I've read on here tonight, I'm surprised more women aren't lesbians.

user432900976 · 09/01/2023 05:32

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 08/01/2023 23:28

Is he neuro diverse or OCD? Or do you have a track record of ‘borrowing’ stuff that he never sees again and this was the last (straw) bag? Only reasons I can think of for this behaviour.

You cannot BE Obsessive Compulsive Disorder!

Thepossibility · 09/01/2023 05:37

BigChesterDraws · 09/01/2023 04:54

He’s not your partner. A partner would let you use a shopping bag. Heck, partners wouldn’t even have “my bags, your bags”. It would be “our bags” or just “bags”.

Exactly!
If my DH has bags, I don't bring bags.
There are already bags there!
He isn't your dear partner. Partners share bloody bags.

NessieMcNessface · 09/01/2023 05:41

You're being abused - LTB.

Shoxfordian · 09/01/2023 05:47

He sounds exhausting to be around
Don’t waste any more of your time with him

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2023 05:52

excelledyourself · 09/01/2023 00:40

Aaaw naaaaaw. What a thread to come across when I'm due back at work tomorrow and should have been sleeping 3 hours ago.

Reads like a Mr Bean sketch.

Please tell us his stance on the giving and receiving of gift bags.

And what are the three meals? I bet they are bland AF.

Deffo. Real life Mr Bean metro.co.uk/2015/05/20/this-man-eats-beans-every-day-for-breakfast-lunch-and-dinner-takes-step-back-5206601/

In all honesty though this is not a healthy relationship op. You sound brow beaten. I understand it’s difficult to navigate the world when ND (if he is ND), however, this man really doesn’t seem to want to try to make you happy. He constantly criticises you.

Kate0902900908 · 09/01/2023 05:54

He sounds like he has OCD. Your a convenience not a partner. You need to stop paying for things 80% is being used. Especially when he won’t lend you a carrier bag! You deserve better.

Worried2222 · 09/01/2023 05:57

Dear OP,

You sound like a very nice person and your partner sounds abusive, especially with your last update about how critical he is. Flicking water in your face is abusive.

I would leave him and either have a happy life as a single person, or I am sure you will meet someone much kinder.

It doesn’t sound to me like your partner deserves you.

Worried2222 · 09/01/2023 05:57

And you definitely deserve someone who isn’t mean and abusive.

Nutmegger · 09/01/2023 05:57

I really hope you leave this horrible, petty and mean man.

RedHelenB · 09/01/2023 06:01

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 08/01/2023 23:28

Is he neuro diverse or OCD? Or do you have a track record of ‘borrowing’ stuff that he never sees again and this was the last (straw) bag? Only reasons I can think of for this behaviour.

He certainly sounds that way.

Homedeco · 09/01/2023 06:02

You’re not dramatic - he is. Who has such a rigid system for carrier bags to the extent he’s huffing and puffing if someone asks to use them? Isn’t that fulfilling the purpose of the bags being reusable and saving the environment?

pinkfondu · 09/01/2023 06:03

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/01/2023 23:22

Why do you not take shopping bags with you whenever you to go a shop?

Looks like you were picking a fight to be honest, if you could have bought one anyway.

You're joking right.

There's only one answer to 'lend us a bag' in the circumstances the op desk and it's 'is one enough?'

solomam · 09/01/2023 06:03

He said it would be a "tragedy" to end up with no carrier bags and then told you to stop being dramatic? Confused

This cannot be real 😂

pinkfondu · 09/01/2023 06:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Roy would never behave like this!

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 09/01/2023 06:05

Divebar2021 · 08/01/2023 23:27

Why do you not take shopping bags with you whenever you to go a shop?

because sometimes you end up in a shop when you hadn’t planned to…none of us are perfect. In this circumstance once I’d twigged he was serious I would have bought a carrier bag. Hell would freeze over before I ever used his bag. I would then ask him for the cash for the item that you bought for him and I wouldnt drop it because that’s the level of pettiness he’s signing up for. If you stick with him 50/50 all the way.

This. Everything 50/50 from now on, he pays for every item and half of every meal and you buy your own bags. I doubt he's worth this really, borrowing a shopping bag should be the least you can expect from a DP.

C1N1C · 09/01/2023 06:06

Everyone has a system or a routine that they absolutely must follow. You've found his. It's a small, quirky one involving carrier bags.if he's a decent guy in other respects, learn this, get over it and move on.

StopThe · 09/01/2023 06:07

Run away and don't look back.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/01/2023 06:07

He does not sound like a nice man. I think it's time for you to cut your losses and get rid.

pinkfondu · 09/01/2023 06:08

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:57

Thank you everyone.

As for paying for more, he doesn't want to eat out, he says that I do and it's inferior food so he shouldn't pay. But he has the same 3 meals every day. I don't like them (I don't hate them but I can't eat the same 3 meals every day) so when I'm there we have issues.

He criticises everything I do, he tells me to speed up if I'm doing 40 in a 50, he goes crazy if I drive at more than 55 on the motorway. This is my own car, that he contributes zero to. I shower wrong or at the wrong time. I moisturise my face wrong, I washed a cup wrong in his sink today and he flicked water in my face (there's never been any violence tho)

This must look like a total dripfeed, it's not, I'm just feeling a bit upset about the whole day but mostly him telling me I'm being dramatic and then going to bed leaving me feeling abandoned. To the poster that said this is a red flag, I totally agree!

You need to finish with this guy op this doesn't sound like a fun 2 years of your life

solomam · 09/01/2023 06:17

How long are you dating Roy Cropper?

I'll be honest this is the image that popped into my mind too!

Queenofheart · 09/01/2023 06:17

Who walks around with carrier bags in their pockets when they’re not buying shopping 🤷‍♀️

Bluedabadeeba · 09/01/2023 06:20

TinySaltLick · 08/01/2023 23:30

Every day I would put his coat bags in a hot oven for about 5-10 seconds so they get smaller, but so not to be perceptible

Over the weeks and months it will eat away at him wondering if his hands are getting bigger until it will come to a head 31st Dec 2025 where you can print a copy of this thread in size 1 font and hide it in his miniature bags

The first post on Mumsnet that actually made me cackle!

HairyKitty · 09/01/2023 06:25

OP surely this isn’t the only similar incidence of rigidity that you have noticed? I really don’t think this is about the carrier bags (even though yes that is ridiculous), it’s indicative of his issues or hang ups and there must be many more.
What about stuff on his car? What happens if you use his screen cloth and put it in the wrong place?