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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think trackers on a teens phone is just wrong in most cases?

436 replies

Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 17:32

Had a call from my dcs school on Friday. They are 16 in year 11. The receptionist said my dc hadn't been marked as attended to the last lesson and asked if I knew why, etc. It turned out my dd had crossed wires with the teacher in a mix-up, was on site, and it was all legitimate reasons, etc. Anyway, that's not the point in the thread.

The receptionist asked me, "Do you have a tracker on her phone?" When I said no, she gave me the impression I should have one (not just my dc but all teens). I find this so odd! Surely, there should be a certain level of trust when your 15/16 + teens go out. I dated this guy who had a tracker on his 15 year olds phone, his kid was only cycling to his mates house and was tracked, which I thought was ott.

Reasons a parent might track:

They live in an area with a very high crime rate where safety is a real high-risk issue.

Their dc are known to be in lots of trouble a lot of the time, often breaking the law.

They go "missing" for long periods and don't appear home when they are supposed to.

Not for teens just hanging out with their mates in a fairly safe town. Surely, as I said, a certain level of trust has to come in somewhere, and even if they do make mistakes, that's part of learning as you grow up. The thought of being "tracked" all the time by your parents just sounds odd to me!

OP posts:
FellForTheWrongUnAgain · 09/01/2023 00:09

Mojoj · 09/01/2023 00:05

Trackers on kids phones are wrong on so many levels. It's a massive invasion of privacy. Don't you trust your kids?

Trust them yes, absolutely. Want to make sure they are in a safe place without me ringing them and ruining their "street cred", also yes.

Original poster
Roseberry1 · 09/01/2023 00:10

*Kidnapper

OP posts:
Jourdain11 · 09/01/2023 00:10

Hawkins001 · 09/01/2023 00:08

And if they went missing, were kidnapped then what, whereas with a tracker, sas, instant recovery

Show quote history

Probably the first thing the kidnapper would do is to junk or disable the phone.

So not only it's not helpful, it could provide false reassurance that the person is still in the same place.

Summerfun54321 · 09/01/2023 00:11

Teenagers shouldn't have access to smartphones without parental surveillance. If they don't want to be tracked or don't want parental phone control, they can have a pocket A to Z and a text/ call only phone.

Original poster
Roseberry1 · 09/01/2023 00:12

Hawkins001 · 09/01/2023 00:06

Personally, the whole of society needs the machine, or the machine called Samaritan.
personally if I had kids and the tech was possible, why would it not be a good idea to have a tracking chip on them, same with animal's, ect, ?

Yeah, like a chip in their arm or something when they are born?

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 09/01/2023 00:22

Roseberry1 · 09/01/2023 00:12

Yeah, like a chip in their arm or something when they are born?

Show quote history

Pritty.much,.like they did in the fictional film demolition man.

Remaker · 09/01/2023 01:45

We use Life360 for our whole family. Me, DH, DD16, DS15.

My kids travel an hour across a large city each way to school via bus, train and light rail. Absolutely laughable that having a tracking app on their phone makes them less able. Since the started secondary school they have navigated the route, often with stopovers for some snacks with friends on the way. If they’re later than expected I just check the app, think ok they’re in x suburb probably getting food and they don’t even know I’ve looked.

I’ve had the call from school that they’re absent. Instead of panicked calls (which they’re not allowed to answer during class) I’ve just said no they’re definitely on the grounds I can see them. And then the school sorts it out.

In comparison my Luddite brother who eschews all tech beyond the basic, will be pestering his teen kids with calls and texts - where are you! Who are you with? Why aren’t you home? When they are just at the local shops getting bubble tea on the way home! Please explain to me why my kids are being infantilised and his aren’t?

As others have said there are loads of practical uses. But the anti tech crowd have already decided their way is best so there’s no point in listing them. It’s a tool and it can be used well or misused. My friend has it for her young adult kids and she is misusing it. Just looking up to see what bars they are in for no reason. But that’s the user, not the technology. I’ve already agreed with my kids it comes off when they finish school unless they want it on. They know my primary concern is safety, not control.

lemmein · 09/01/2023 04:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mathanxiety · 09/01/2023 05:29

The phone is the horse here, @EarringsandLipstick.

The dystopia is the monitoring and subsequent algorithming we have all accepted as the price of convenience.

We're now so sure it's necessary that we do it to our own children and adamantly argue it's necessary. We've decided getting a hold of ourselves isn't sensible but tracking our teenagers is.

Januarysux · 09/01/2023 06:48

Roseberry1 · 09/01/2023 00:09

I would have thought the first thing a kidnapped would do is lose the phone as they know most can be traces...

Show quote history

Yes, which would show you where the kidnapper picked them up, surely - rather than last known location being "my house".

itsjustnotok · 09/01/2023 06:52

Laughing at the people saying it limits freedom. You talk to your child about why you want it. If DD is late from school I can
check to see if she’s on her route home or if she’s still at school. If she’s miles away then I need to call her. If you do it secretly then that’s where the problem
lies!

Copasetic · 09/01/2023 07:08

All my 3 have it on theirs! My children are 28,20 and 12. My 20 year old set it up and when the 28 year old found out she wanted to go on it too. The 20 year old likes to see where I am - she often waits till I've left work and we all just find it handy. It's not about stopping people doing anything but just seeing where they are.

sammylady37 · 09/01/2023 07:31

My 15 year old tracks me a lot more than I do her. She rings me with a list whenever she gets a ping that I’ve left the house or sees that I’m near a shop. She hassles me if I say I’m going to one place and decide to pop into somewhere else. She actually rang to tell me off for stopping for too long to chat to a friend on my way home from the local Tesco Metro the other day. She’s not an anxious child by any stretch and the weird thing is all her friends do it to each other, and to their parents. I was chatting to some of the mums of her friends and they don’t like that their teens appear to be REALLY enjoying tracking them! I have to admit it can get a bit annoying but it’s harmless ( I think/hope?!)

Jesus Christ.
You think it’s ‘harmless’ that your daughter finds it acceptable to ‘hassle’ you if you amend your plans without informing her, and that she rings joy to tell you off for spending too much time chatting to a friend??? Why are you giving her the impression that that’s ok? Would you be happy for a boyfriend to do that to her??

sammylady37 · 09/01/2023 07:32

*rings you, not joy

JustDanceAddict · 09/01/2023 07:38

we have them (find my phone) - we can all track each other. Useful if you want to know if someone is on their way home as they don’t answer their phone or messages half the time. I’ve drilled ds in telling me if he’s back for dinner but he often forgets!

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 09/01/2023 07:58

Intemperatefatty surely you can see this isn't normal? You're an adult, why is your teen being so controlling and you are allowing it? It is scary that they feel able to do this, what happens when she is in a relationship and starts behaving like that? Because that's what you are enabling.

If other people want to use tech to track, whilst I vehemently disagree with it, then please put in boundaries at least. This level of control from your teen is terrifying.

Sartre · 09/01/2023 08:01

We all have find my iPhone and my location is on as well as DC’s because I go out running alone a lot and I feel more comfortable knowing DH can see where I am incase anything happens (not just a random attack or anything but if I fell over and hurt myself). I’m not bothered about this, nor creeped out by it. DC aren’t quite teens yet but they walk home alone from school and I like to know they’re safe so their location is also on.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 09/01/2023 08:11

Justnotok it's not just about freedom for me, it's about privacy. I don't want someone knowing my every move and I don't want my children to think that it is okay to track someone to reassure them.

I want to build trust with my children and be able to be reassured by them. I want them (and me) to have the right to a private life without being monitored 24/7, particularly when they are older teens.

I can see the want/need to track younger teens but that would be for my reassurance and I'm not sure that's healthy. Like I said, my children are younger, I'd like to think I'd not change my mind when they are older but you never know.

I did have my rebellious phase as a teenager and I would have rebelled far worse had my parents tracked me. I don't want my mum, even now to know exactly where I am because I'm an adult and if I don't answer the phone, I just don't want to speak to her or pop around. I hate people just popping in. I don't want my partner to know exactly where I am for tea because what if I fancied popping in to see a friend or go for a drink after work randomly and I certainly don't want my children to track me and question where I am - I'm an autonomous adult who likes spontaneity some times and tracking seems weird to me.

If others want to use it, fine up to them but I hate how it is becoming normalised to do this and teens are tracking their friends - it is weird and unnecessary.

BubziOwl · 09/01/2023 08:12

My mum has still me and my brother on find my friends, and we're mid twenties 😁 I have my husband on it, too. It's handy more than anything else.

It's never once caused an argument r.e. privacy or snooping, perhaps because we've just never had a situation that called for it.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 09/01/2023 08:15

And just to say, a few years ago when my children's father and I broke up I would probably have been desperate for a tracker because I found it traumatic to be separated from them and I wanted to know where they were and if they were safe.

I was severely depressed when they left me and I didn't ever feel safe without them. I have had therapy to get over that level of anxiety and have to trust their father and later on in life, them.

ShufflingSlippers · 09/01/2023 08:16

No I wouldn't put on, nor use a tracker on anyone's phone regardless of age.
Paranoid parenting.

Iwannabeadog · 09/01/2023 08:21

I was reluctant to track as I think it actually can increase anxiety if they are not exactly where they said they might be, which is normally totally legit.
However our teen actually asked us to put one on our phones as he wanted to know where we were (occasionally we have been out later than him!!) and it has been intermittently useful for checking if he is still at work/college.
So in truth I am ambivalent either way 😂

Helleofabore · 09/01/2023 08:22

sunshineandsuddenshowers · 08/01/2023 17:44

We are all linked so can all see where each other are all the time. I’ve just looked to see where 13 yesr old is, actually - is late home but Incan see is on train so I don’t have to bother her, or worry. as a mutual thing I think is great

Yes. This.

When someone is running late we see where they might be on the train or bus rather than call, usually we are picking up off the train. Our teen often misses texts and hates calls when they are on public transport. Husband too. We have found this to be the solution for us.

WinnieFosterReads · 09/01/2023 08:23

I do agree with Find My Phone but am surprised so many are using Life360 I'd be concerned about the privacy/data mining/gdpr implications of that.

Helleofabore · 09/01/2023 08:39

We use it when travelling a lot. Even our friends with iPhones, if we are travelling so that if someone has got split off and is just off the meeting point whatever, we use data rather than mobile. We often use cheap sims and use the data travelling rather than have roaming. It is an old habit but useful and it has never once been an issue regarding privacy.