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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for a lock to be fitted on my door? Housemate constantly stealing clothes

152 replies

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 02:40

I live in a house share with a couple of friends and my sister, and my sister keeps on coming into my room and taking my clothes when I’m not there. When I see her wearing them, she either lies and says she’s not wearing them, or she’ll insult me, or she’ll apologise and say she won’t do it again.

We were all out tonight celebrating a friend’s birthday and I noticed my sister wearing a dress I had. She denied it and said it was something she’d bought herself recently, but I knew it was mine. I then tried to search for the dress in my room later, and it was missing, so I knew the dress she’d worn was actually mine.

In the grand scheme of things, yes this might seem like a small thing, but I find it really difficult to deal with, because I see it as a big invasion of my personal space and privacy that she thinks it’s okay to go into my room when I’m not there, help herself to whatever clothes of mine that she likes, wear them and then lie to me about whether they’re mine or not. I really try to take care of my room and my things, whereas she doesn’t. I find it really disrespectful that she just doesn’t care. It’s also been going on for so long and I’m just at the end of my tether. We are both in our late twenties and she knows it’s not on to behave like this.

As my housemates and I are all lodgers, we don’t have locks fitted on our bedroom doors. Would I be unreasonable to ask our landlady (who also lives in the house with us) if I can have a lock fitted on my door?

I might just ask for a lock, and not tell her the reason, and then just see what she says. I’m so pissed off.

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 08/01/2023 02:44

Other option, tell your land lady your sister is going in your room and taking your things without permission, despite being told no several times. She could have a serious word with her to stop, or shes being evicted. She's getting away with it because she's your sister, if it were a stranger she wouldn't.

mathanxiety · 08/01/2023 03:14

It's odd imo that your room can't be locked so I would have a word with your landlady.

Other than that, you could tell the LL that your sister is taking things, but I think she'd see it as a family problem.

WandaWonder · 08/01/2023 03:25

AlmostAJillSandwich · 08/01/2023 02:44

Other option, tell your land lady your sister is going in your room and taking your things without permission, despite being told no several times. She could have a serious word with her to stop, or shes being evicted. She's getting away with it because she's your sister, if it were a stranger she wouldn't.

A LLis not a parent I have never heard a LL telling on people it is not their responsibility

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2023 03:31

Caltrops? Itching powder in the clothes? You could have a lot of fun with this.

Feelallright · 08/01/2023 03:37

WandaWonder · 08/01/2023 03:25

A LLis not a parent I have never heard a LL telling on people it is not their responsibility

Of course it’s the landlady’s responsibility. It’s her house. She can tell the sister to leave -it’s her decision entirely.

Shutthegatepeter · 08/01/2023 03:38

I wouldn’t even ask, I’d just fit a hasp and padlock. You can refill the holes where the hasp has been fitted and repaint over the doorframe and your landlord will be none the wiser.

Feelallright · 08/01/2023 03:41

Shutthegatepeter · 08/01/2023 03:38

I wouldn’t even ask, I’d just fit a hasp and padlock. You can refill the holes where the hasp has been fitted and repaint over the doorframe and your landlord will be none the wiser.

The landlord will be very much the wiser - as they live in the house.

NumberTheory · 08/01/2023 04:13

Assuming your LL isn’t actually your mum, I think you may want to be a little careful about bringing your LL into the picture. Ask for a lock but don’t say why particularly (or, at least, don’t name names). Because LL is likely to see your relationship as part of the issue here and maybe want you both gone. Especially if one of you introduced the other to the house.

But also, seriously consider finding somewhere else to live away from your sister. That lack of respect for you is toxic to be around, even if you have a lock on the door.

GrumpyPanda · 08/01/2023 04:38

Any way of just putting a padlock on your wardrobe?

aonbharr · 08/01/2023 04:49

I expected this thread to be about a flatmate not a sibling. I think it is time to leave the sister behind, late twenties and she is doing this to you... could you look for somewhere else? It is quite strange that personal spaces are unlockable? I wouldn't get the landlady involved because as you describe it, she seems to be one of the housemates also and may side with your sister?

Homedeco · 08/01/2023 04:59

Easy alternative is get a suitcase with a lock? Keep things you want private in there

WeAreTheHeroes · 08/01/2023 05:01

GrumpyPanda · 08/01/2023 04:38

Any way of just putting a padlock on your wardrobe?

That's a really good idea

Longcovidshitshow · 08/01/2023 05:15

F

dicker · 08/01/2023 05:49

you can ask…but it’ll make you and you sister look like bickering children and if I was your landlord I really couldn’t be arsed with 2 adults who can’t sort something like this out between themselves

LemonTreeSkies · 08/01/2023 05:49

GrumpyPanda · 08/01/2023 04:38

Any way of just putting a padlock on your wardrobe?

That won’t solve the issue of the sister going into OP’s room, which she absolutely shouldn’t be doing anyway.
I’d go for locking her out of the whole room.

Iknowthis1 · 08/01/2023 06:14

Do you have to live with your sister? Maybe it's time you each had more independence from each other. Your relationship might be better that way.

Scramble1805 · 08/01/2023 06:50

Homedeco · 08/01/2023 04:59

Easy alternative is get a suitcase with a lock? Keep things you want private in there

Yes, suitcase with a lock would be my solution

moose62 · 08/01/2023 06:51

Did you write about this in October? There was a post which was identical! Thought you would have bought a lock by now!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/01/2023 06:55

Shutthegatepeter · 08/01/2023 03:38

I wouldn’t even ask, I’d just fit a hasp and padlock. You can refill the holes where the hasp has been fitted and repaint over the doorframe and your landlord will be none the wiser.

Shes a lodger... Landloady lives tjere.

autienotnaughty · 08/01/2023 07:00

Definitely get a lock on your door!

BoobsOnTheMoon · 08/01/2023 07:03

I swear this exact post was on here a few weeks ago, same wording etc Confused

mrsbyers · 08/01/2023 07:08

Yep it was

whiteroseredrose · 08/01/2023 07:13

BoobsOnTheMoon · 08/01/2023 07:03

I swear this exact post was on here a few weeks ago, same wording etc Confused

Me too

TimeForMeToF1y · 08/01/2023 07:20

BoobsOnTheMoon · 08/01/2023 07:03

I swear this exact post was on here a few weeks ago, same wording etc Confused

It's actually in the similar theqds below
😂😂😂

you need to up your trolling game @Aeroflot21

Luredbyapomegranate · 08/01/2023 07:28

My first option would be to move out, living with a sister like this is like being stuck in a teen time warp.

Second option would be to ask for a lock and promise to repair the holes when you leave. But don’t involve your ll in you and your sisters bickering, she won’t appreciate it.

Third option is lock on your wardrobe.

Although I do like the pp’s itching powder solution..