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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for a lock to be fitted on my door? Housemate constantly stealing clothes

152 replies

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 02:40

I live in a house share with a couple of friends and my sister, and my sister keeps on coming into my room and taking my clothes when I’m not there. When I see her wearing them, she either lies and says she’s not wearing them, or she’ll insult me, or she’ll apologise and say she won’t do it again.

We were all out tonight celebrating a friend’s birthday and I noticed my sister wearing a dress I had. She denied it and said it was something she’d bought herself recently, but I knew it was mine. I then tried to search for the dress in my room later, and it was missing, so I knew the dress she’d worn was actually mine.

In the grand scheme of things, yes this might seem like a small thing, but I find it really difficult to deal with, because I see it as a big invasion of my personal space and privacy that she thinks it’s okay to go into my room when I’m not there, help herself to whatever clothes of mine that she likes, wear them and then lie to me about whether they’re mine or not. I really try to take care of my room and my things, whereas she doesn’t. I find it really disrespectful that she just doesn’t care. It’s also been going on for so long and I’m just at the end of my tether. We are both in our late twenties and she knows it’s not on to behave like this.

As my housemates and I are all lodgers, we don’t have locks fitted on our bedroom doors. Would I be unreasonable to ask our landlady (who also lives in the house with us) if I can have a lock fitted on my door?

I might just ask for a lock, and not tell her the reason, and then just see what she says. I’m so pissed off.

OP posts:
milveycrohn · 08/01/2023 07:40

As you are a lodger, and the landlady lives in the house with you, and if you are in the UK, then a lock on the door changes the rentail agreement, I believe.
However, maybe there is a way you can put a lock on your wardrobe.
In this situation, I think renting away from your sister is the way to go.

Gemütlich81 · 08/01/2023 07:53

moose62 · 08/01/2023 06:51

Did you write about this in October? There was a post which was identical! Thought you would have bought a lock by now!

I was about to say this! The solution was a lock on wardrobe.

fajitaaaa · 08/01/2023 07:56

Move out

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 10:41

moose62 · 08/01/2023 06:51

Did you write about this in October? There was a post which was identical! Thought you would have bought a lock by now!

Yes I wrote something similar a few months ago, Moose. I have now bought a padlock for my wardrobe, but it doesn’t work unfortunately, as it doesn’t stop my sister using it (and doesn’t stop her sleeping in my bed when I’m not at home). I’m really at the end of my tether with this.

OP posts:
Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 10:46

I’m going on holiday for a few weeks very soon, and I know my sister will just treat my room like a free hotel while I’m away (and obviously I’ll be none the wiser). She also takes our landlady for a mug, and went upstairs and around the house today in muddy boots and tracked mud into some of the carpets because she couldn’t be bothered to take her boots off whilst she went back upstairs to her room to fetch something.

I do understand the solution is for me to move out - I completely agree, and am working on doing that. Unfortunately that’s not an overnight solution, so I really need a way of solving the problem now of her just completely overstepping my boundaries time and time again. I’ve had therapy to deal with this (as well as to deal with other stuff), and it’s been helpful, but it feels very frustrating that I can’t just nip this in the bud about my sister constantly intruding into my personal space and not caring about my boundaries.

OP posts:
PearlclutchersInc · 08/01/2023 10:47

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 10:41

Yes I wrote something similar a few months ago, Moose. I have now bought a padlock for my wardrobe, but it doesn’t work unfortunately, as it doesn’t stop my sister using it (and doesn’t stop her sleeping in my bed when I’m not at home). I’m really at the end of my tether with this.

Out of curiosity, why do you live with your sister?

Perhaps it's time to move and put a bit of distance between you.

Maves · 08/01/2023 10:52

Just fucking tell her to pack it in? Or just start doing the same to her

liveforsummer · 08/01/2023 10:57

Just ask for the lock - it will take 20 seconds. Not sure why you haven't done it already or what it's even a big rap. It's perfectly understandable to want a lock on your private space in shared accommodation, even without this issue

SnowlayRoundabout · 08/01/2023 11:03

But why can't you "just nip it in the bud?" Asking your LL for some privacy is hardly unreasonable, and it sounds as if you could have done so weeks ago.

Schnooze · 08/01/2023 11:04

Yes ask for a lock. Tell your ll that your sister, due to being your sister, takes liberties and given you will be going away soon, would she mind you fitting a lock.

And move out. And go lc with your sister. She lies and steals and doesn’t deserves a relationship with you.

Poodleporn · 08/01/2023 11:15

How did a padlock not stop your sister?

I'd just put a lock on the door. Or better, move out

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 19:34

Thanks all, appreciate your thoughts and advice. The padlock doesn’t work because of the way the wardrobe doors and door handles are designed. I bought a chain with a padlock to coil over the wardrobe doors, so it ‘locks’ them, but it can easily be undone by anyone who comes into my room. It was the only padlock that would fit the doors, due to the way they are designed.

I'm hoping my LL will be open to my request about a lock for my door. She is very understanding and reasonable, and is the best LL I’ve had so far (I’ve normally had live-out LLs). I will see what happens.

Thanks again for your advice.

OP posts:
SuperQuickDraw · 08/01/2023 19:39

Obviously your sister needs to stop taking your bloody stuff. What are the consequences for her?

Short term a lick on your door or wardrobe if door not allowed. A camera for your room, cheap ring doorbell type would do then you could speak to her through it as soon as she goes in.

fortheloveofflowers · 08/01/2023 19:47

Your LL is your mum right??

ShakespearesBlister · 08/01/2023 19:51

Many years ago I had your sister as a housemate. They would take my jumpers out of my wardrobe and sit in front of me wearing them. I'd take them back and they would wait for me to wash them, iron them and put them back in my wardrobe, then they'd put them back on again all freshly clean and pressed. Drove me bloody mad.

AnUnlikelyPairing · 08/01/2023 19:54

Feelallright · 08/01/2023 03:37

Of course it’s the landlady’s responsibility. It’s her house. She can tell the sister to leave -it’s her decision entirely.

OP might not was her sister to leave or to have the LL mediating in the relationship. I'd just get a lock.

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 19:55

fortheloveofflowers · 08/01/2023 19:47

Your LL is your mum right??

@fortheloveofflowers I mean this politely, but I’m not sure how you’ve got the idea that my LL is my mum. Neither my sister or me have lived at home since we were 18.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 08/01/2023 19:55

Why didn't you ask your landlady for a lock on your door back in October then?

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 19:56

ShakespearesBlister · 08/01/2023 19:51

Many years ago I had your sister as a housemate. They would take my jumpers out of my wardrobe and sit in front of me wearing them. I'd take them back and they would wait for me to wash them, iron them and put them back in my wardrobe, then they'd put them back on again all freshly clean and pressed. Drove me bloody mad.

Argh sorry to hear @ShakespearesBlister!! Isn't it so infuriating!! It’s such rude, entitled behaviour. Out of interest, how did you resolve the situation? Or did it only stop when you moved out?

OP posts:
Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 19:57

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/01/2023 19:55

Why didn't you ask your landlady for a lock on your door back in October then?

Because I was minimising the situation with my sister and kept on making excuses to myself, and thinking she would stop, and just believing her every time she said sorry and said she would stop taking my clothes. In short, I thought she would just grow up and stop taking advantage. Obviously though, she just doesn’t give a monkeys.

OP posts:
Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 19:58

SuperQuickDraw · 08/01/2023 19:39

Obviously your sister needs to stop taking your bloody stuff. What are the consequences for her?

Short term a lick on your door or wardrobe if door not allowed. A camera for your room, cheap ring doorbell type would do then you could speak to her through it as soon as she goes in.

Currently there are no consequences as I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
woodhill · 08/01/2023 19:59

Did you post about this before op

Padlock on the door is the only way as you can't trust her

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 20:04

woodhill · 08/01/2023 19:59

Did you post about this before op

Padlock on the door is the only way as you can't trust her

Yes I did woodhill. Thanks, I agree - I can’t think of any other short term solution.

OP posts:
woodhill · 08/01/2023 20:06

I think I would slap her tbh

Or shout at her and tell her it needs to stop

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