To ask for a lock to be fitted on my door? Housemate constantly stealing clothes

[Aeroflot21]

I live in a house share with a couple of friends and my sister, and my sister keeps on coming into my room and taking my clothes when I’m not there. When I see her wearing them, she either lies and says she’s not wearing them, or she’ll insult me, or she’ll apologise and say she won’t do it again.

We were all out tonight celebrating a friend’s birthday and I noticed my sister wearing a dress I had. She denied it and said it was something she’d bought herself recently, but I knew it was mine. I then tried to search for the dress in my room later, and it was missing, so I knew the dress she’d worn was actually mine.

In the grand scheme of things, yes this might seem like a small thing, but I find it really difficult to deal with, because I see it as a big invasion of my personal space and privacy that she thinks it’s okay to go into my room when I’m not there, help herself to whatever clothes of mine that she likes, wear them and then lie to me about whether they’re mine or not. I really try to take care of my room and my things, whereas she doesn’t. I find it really disrespectful that she just doesn’t care. It’s also been going on for so long and I’m just at the end of my tether. We are both in our late twenties and she knows it’s not on to behave like this.

As my housemates and I are all lodgers, we don’t have locks fitted on our bedroom doors. Would I be unreasonable to ask our landlady (who also lives in the house with us) if I can have a lock fitted on my door?

I might just ask for a lock, and not tell her the reason, and then just see what she says. I’m so pissed off.

@Aeroflot21

Yes I don’t understand the mentality. It was as if she thought she had an absolute right to my stuff. I was always careful with my possessions and she would treat them like trash.

We get on better now - she lives on the other side of the world! Seriously move out when you can.

@Aeroflot21

There are loads of solutions to locking round doorknobs better. Eg this https://www.clippasafe.co.uk/products/cabinet-lock?gclid=CjwKCAiA8OmdBhAgEiwAShr403lOC7QEtod4QfKEi9PiddYmYLLrkKib6Mcc0lcMvUxpOhSK-lNIxoCZtAQAvDBwE

Or why not change the doorknobs to ones with locks? Like this https://www.amazon.co.uk/Probrico-Stainless-Exterior-Entrance-Locker/dp/B01NBODKD2/ref=ascdff_B01NBODKD2/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=272670046536&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6436929562585739455&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046004&hvtargid=pla-558094071297&psc=1

I mean, it is. Post 1 you have asked landlord post 2 you are thinking of asking landlord with no precious reference to the fact that you have already asked her - which is of course relevant to your dilemma!

I’ve just seen that she’s allowing locks on to the wardrobe now, which is great! Solves one issue, re your sister sleeping in your room when you’re away, maybe just keep your bed unmade?

I don't think anyone has mentioned this so far, but there are legal reasons why lodgers are not usually permitted by their landlords/ladies to have locks on the doors. As soon as a lock is put on the door, the lodger's status switches from that of a lodger to a tenant, and they therefore have a lot more rights. In the event of any trouble it becomes a lot more difficult to evict them from the property, which is obviously problematic from the owner's point of view.

I think you need to move out. Your sister has no boundaries where you are concerned and your landlady won't want to police family bickering. It's odd to live in the same lodging if you don't have a good relationship, and if she steals your stuff and lies about it that isn't a good relationship.

She'll know.The landlord is resident. They are all lodgers in the landlords home.

Your sister is taking advantage of your relationship. There's no bad outcome for her and she puts her own wants over your rights. I would mark all my clothes (dot on label?) and take pics of the high risk items. I would warn her that if she does it again you will consider it theft. If you see her out in your clothes demand she remove said item even if it leaves her exposed. If she doesn't comply use force/call Police. She'll likely not speak to you again but as she has such little consideration for your feelings why would you care?

Take the door handle off. Mine just came off when I lived in a share house but it was great. No one entered during parties.
Also our place was robbed and the burglars didn’t get into my room.

Why don't you just swap your door knob out for one with locks?
They are youtubes that show how to do it.

Oh that’s good @NovelFarmer !

@Aeroflot21 what reason does she give for sleeping in your room? Do you have a nicer room / bed, or is she just enjoying pissing in your territory?

Because that needs LL’s permission and landlord forums will always say don’t go there for a lodger, because of the risk of creating exclusive possession.

This might be a bit drastic, but if you’re going away for several weeks could you put your stuff in storage whilst you’re away? There are loads of storage places around now and they don’t cost much. If you managed to do it without your sister knowing then the surprise when she goes into your room and finds it empty might mean that she’d get the message? Also there’d be no gain to her for staying in it when it’s empty. Let your LL know though - otherwise she might think you’ve moved out!

Does your sister have a favourite item of clothing?

I'd kidnap it and tell her you will return it if she leaves your stuff alone and stays out if your room for 6 months, or until you move out.

It’s the latter, Testina - she enjoys the feeling of using my room whenever it suits her and using my room as a one-stop shop to choose clothes from because she can’t be bothered to wash hers or buy new ones.

Good idea, but unfortunately it’s hard to find her clothes in her room, because they’re not in any order - they’re just thrown over her bed or chairs, or stuffed into a wardrobe which she never uses.

What type of door handle
does your room have on the outside?

That is a good idea, thank you, but I feel quite resentful and reluctant about the idea of putting things in storage because I feel like I shouldn’t have to pay (either financially or metaphorically) for a situation that is created by my sister.

You can get temporary locks like this one that work from the outside and require a key.

Since your landlord lives there, just ask to swap out the door knob for a lockable one.

I can't believe you haven't asked that first.

op, The next time she’s dressed up to go out wearing her own clothes just grab her by the necklace and shive her in the dog bowl. That’ll teach her.

I’d honestly just give up and move, much as I know it’s not easy to find places.
If you get a lock on your wardrobe, she’ll still sleep on your bed.
If you get a lock on the door (which everyone will advise your LL not to do) then she’ll pull some crap like taking your milk from the fridge.
It’s no way for a grown adult to live.
Even though it’s not fair on you, who actually wants to live in a house where they’ve put a lock on the door because of their own sister?
I’d move, and I’d cut her off.

Obviously she has asked that. Obviously the landlady refuses.

And if the solution is to leave… I wouldn’t worry about making the LL feel awkward. This is her choice, to have multiple lodgers - and that means there’ll be issues. I’d tell that you have an issue with another lodger entering your room, and would like her to tell that lodger to stop. That’s not you taking a petty sister squabble to her… she is taking money from you, and she’s put herself in the position of multiple lodgers. With any luck she’ll give your nasty piece of work sister her notice!

@emptythelitterbox, unfortunately I can’t lock my door because having a lock on my door will affect the kind of rental agreement I have. I’m a lodger rather than a tenant, and having a lock would change my agreement to a tenancy agreement, which my LL has said they prefer to avoid.

As your LL seems understanding, can you not open up to her a bit more, & ask her to explain to your sister that she is forbidden to use other lodger's rooms, & must stick to the one she's paying for?
Especially as she lives in - surely she must notice that your sister uses your room when you are away?