To ask for a lock to be fitted on my door? Housemate constantly stealing clothes

[Aeroflot21]

I live in a house share with a couple of friends and my sister, and my sister keeps on coming into my room and taking my clothes when I’m not there. When I see her wearing them, she either lies and says she’s not wearing them, or she’ll insult me, or she’ll apologise and say she won’t do it again.

We were all out tonight celebrating a friend’s birthday and I noticed my sister wearing a dress I had. She denied it and said it was something she’d bought herself recently, but I knew it was mine. I then tried to search for the dress in my room later, and it was missing, so I knew the dress she’d worn was actually mine.

In the grand scheme of things, yes this might seem like a small thing, but I find it really difficult to deal with, because I see it as a big invasion of my personal space and privacy that she thinks it’s okay to go into my room when I’m not there, help herself to whatever clothes of mine that she likes, wear them and then lie to me about whether they’re mine or not. I really try to take care of my room and my things, whereas she doesn’t. I find it really disrespectful that she just doesn’t care. It’s also been going on for so long and I’m just at the end of my tether. We are both in our late twenties and she knows it’s not on to behave like this.

As my housemates and I are all lodgers, we don’t have locks fitted on our bedroom doors. Would I be unreasonable to ask our landlady (who also lives in the house with us) if I can have a lock fitted on my door?

I might just ask for a lock, and not tell her the reason, and then just see what she says. I’m so pissed off.

Is there a parent in the picture who can be asked to read your sister the riot act?
I know that’s pathetic and not what you or they should have to do… but it is your sister creating that pathetic situation, not you.

My sister used to do this. Take my stuff, trash it, lose it, take my favourite items of clothing, trash them.
Anything I loved or saved up for, or a previous gift, that was even more of a target.

Every boundary, trashed. It escalated to verbal and physical abuse. I have now gone NC.

If you can't lock your roomPut your clothes and bedding in suitcases and lock them. Then find somewhere else to live.

OP, this situation is on you to fix.

The short term thing to do is put a lock on your wardrobe. It’s doesn’t fix the key issue though does it?

The long term thing to do is put some boundaries in place in your life. If I lived with anyone who stole from me, I would leave and find my own place! I would cut contact with them. I would call the police if necessary.

She might be your sister, but that doesn’t mean you have to live with her and accept her behaviour.

you either come to peace with her stealing, or you take action. I mean, even little things like not buying yourself valuable things until you move out, will help your piece of mind as there’s nothing for her to ruin.

So you’ve been posting about this since October, but have not found a new place to move into? Moving doesn’t happen overnight but you’re in a relaxed position as a lodger (you can up and leave and aren’t in a fixed contract). I would be refreshing right move daily if I were you. You will find something.

You keep batting away reasonable suggestions people give you. Eg you said your sister has no consequences as you don’t want to enrage her. Most reasonable, rational people would be annoyed by their sibling doing this and would distance themselves. Your sister sees you as an extension of her, you’re only going to break this by standing up for yourself.

Have you actually asked her though?

Earlier you said you hadn't asked but was thinking about asking.

What does your LL have to say about someone coming into your room and taking your things?

This seems like one of those cyclical situations where the OP is keen to state there is a problem, but appears to not do anything to remedy the situation.

• won't get rid of sister by either moving out of having sister move out.

• locks on the wardrobe seem not to work either.

• a lock on the door doesn't seem to be an option for her either.

OP, now you're looking into a camera?! How is that going to remedy the situation? You already know your sister is taking your clothes. Plus, you stated that you don't feel as though you should have to pay for anything regarding this situation, e.g. putting your clothes into storage, yet you're open to purchasing a security camera?

Is this a real situation or something fabricated so you can post about it every quarter?

Is your sister called Fleabag?

I don't really understand the chain and padlock thing. You just need a hasp and staple across the doors with a padlock through. If you have a chest of drawers, you need a bar lock and padlock down the front.

This seems a lot of drama for something which is quite easily remedied.

When I rented out rooms I fitted these on the doors when requested by a lodger. It means you don’t have any holes etc if changing back to family homes. I don’t see why a landlady would have an issue with it tbh.

So I've only read the OP posts and skimmed the rest so apologies if this has been suggested.... Could you have a lock fitted and give the landlord a key? Would that affect the terms of your agreement and change you from lodger to tenant?

Tapo are very good, cheap, indoor cameras. Amazon and Argos sell them for £25-35.

OP @Aeroflot21 i read your previous thread when you were called FourForYouGlenCocoYouGoGlenCoco .

Your mentality has not changed in the three months since you last posted. So it’s no surprise that the situation has not changed.

You have a kind of strange, passive, victim mentality where you aren’t prepared to take stronger action to sort anything.

The padlock isn’t the right padlock (of course it isn’t). People then suggest you’re chaining the wrong bit - but this is ignored.

People suggest getting a camera, and you reply you’re “looking into it”. (there are hundreds on Amazon that arrive the next day - how much “looking into” do you need?)

Any solution suggested on here is immediately met with a rebuttal that highlights a new problem.

So what do you want to DO about this @Aeroflot21 ? Really?

or is this about making this thread last longer, getting sympathetic ear from people?

If you want to solve this, you would have solved it.

OP, have you told the LL what is happening? Ignoring the fact that it is your sister, she is a lodger who is going into another lodger's room. Does the LL have house rules? Why should you have to find alternative accommodation when it is your sister causing the problems? If your sister keeps breaking house rules then she should be asked to leave.

Would it be possible to ask your LL to get a lock fitted but your LL has a set of keys too? Would that break the terms of the lodger agreement? I don't think a wardrobe lock is the solution here when you say it's not just your clothes your sister takes but she sleeps in your bed too (and soils your sheets, how disgusting). How are you putting up with this for so long?

I would definitely be outlining fully what your sister has done here.

I don’t understand the point of the camera 🤷🏻‍♀️
OP doesn’t need to catch someone who is denying it. Occasionally she denies it, but after a while says “sorry” and dumps the stuff back.
This isn’t a court of law.
If the sister says, “it wasn’t me” then OP doesn’t need to submit her video evidence, she just needs to say, “doesn’t give me that fucking shit you Arsehole.”
A camera would make NO difference.
All this nonsense about sellotape or an envelope to catch out the sister coming in… nonsense.
Which makes it clear this thread is for attention not help.

Great news about the handyman giving a wardrobe solution.
when you’ll be away overnight can you stuff your sheet, pillow and duvet in your (now lockable) wardrobe, to make it less easy for her to sleep in your bed?
I totally know you shouldn’t have to, but I had something similar when at uni so really do sympathise at the feeling your personal space is being invaded.
we had locks on our doors, but apparently some keys worked on other doors. What made me madder was they’d unlock my door to put my post on my desk. To deliberately let me know that they’d been in there when they knew I’d locked it to keep them out. Still makes me mad!!

I would assume the main reason the LL has rented the rooms to friends and two siblings is so she doesn't have to deal with issues like this.

They're sisters! If they can't sort it out then Op should just move out.

Yes, both my parents know about this as I’ve spoken to them about it (agree with you that my sister and I should be able to handle this ourselves, but we can’t!) Both my parents are on my side about this, but I don’t know how they’ve approached it with my sister.

Unfortunately yes it would change the terms of my agreement, and because of that, LL has said she can’t allow it.

How is this thread for attention? I am asking for help here.

I am trying to move out and have registered with almost all the estate agents in my area, but nothing is coming on the market in my budget right now. I am working on moving out though.

Yep I’ve told LL what is happening. She doesn’t know my sister has been using my room, because the house is quite big (3 floors) and my sister’s and my bedrooms are on a different floor to the LL’s and other housemates’ rooms. The LL does have ‘house rules’ of sorts, but my sister is quite sly, and hasn’t been caught out yet as far as I’m aware. I actually saw my sister using another housemate’s room yesterday (he’s away atm), but she never gets caught.

Have you posted about this before?

You need to tell the LL that your sister has been using your room and is also entering other housemate's rooms when they are not there. And you need to tell the other housemate too. Your sister's behaviour is unacceptable. What was she doing in the other housemate's room? By not saying anything, you are enabling her behaviour. Your LL needs to kick her out.

Your LL needs to give your sister notice to leave.

”How is this thread for attention? I am asking for help here.”

It’s for attention because you’re talking about ridiculous things like boobytrapping your room 🙄 and installing camera 🙄

Why would you do either of those things?

She already admits to it, you already know it’s her.

Does she know you’re actively (supposedly) looking to move out?
Have you told your LL that you’re on the verge of leaving?
Have you asked your LL to deal with the problem tenant?
Have you asked your parents to get involved?
Have you told her that you’re going to tell the other lodger than she’s been in their room is she doesn’t stay the fuck out of yours?

There’s more than a whiff of bullshit about this tbh. You had a conversation only last night to try to persuade LL to put a lock on your door, and yet you didn’t tell them she went into someone else’s room? 🙄

“I actually saw my sister using another housemate’s room yesterday (he’s away atm), but she never gets caught.”

Yes she does. Yesterday.