To ask for a lock to be fitted on my door? Housemate constantly stealing clothes

[Aeroflot21]

I live in a house share with a couple of friends and my sister, and my sister keeps on coming into my room and taking my clothes when I’m not there. When I see her wearing them, she either lies and says she’s not wearing them, or she’ll insult me, or she’ll apologise and say she won’t do it again.

We were all out tonight celebrating a friend’s birthday and I noticed my sister wearing a dress I had. She denied it and said it was something she’d bought herself recently, but I knew it was mine. I then tried to search for the dress in my room later, and it was missing, so I knew the dress she’d worn was actually mine.

In the grand scheme of things, yes this might seem like a small thing, but I find it really difficult to deal with, because I see it as a big invasion of my personal space and privacy that she thinks it’s okay to go into my room when I’m not there, help herself to whatever clothes of mine that she likes, wear them and then lie to me about whether they’re mine or not. I really try to take care of my room and my things, whereas she doesn’t. I find it really disrespectful that she just doesn’t care. It’s also been going on for so long and I’m just at the end of my tether. We are both in our late twenties and she knows it’s not on to behave like this.

As my housemates and I are all lodgers, we don’t have locks fitted on our bedroom doors. Would I be unreasonable to ask our landlady (who also lives in the house with us) if I can have a lock fitted on my door?

I might just ask for a lock, and not tell her the reason, and then just see what she says. I’m so pissed off.

Sorry my last comment may have Ben a bit strong but she is your dsis

you can get cheap cameras that will alert you to movement and and you can talk through. That should give your sister a shock. I got one to see what my cat and dog got up to when I was out, the picture and sound was pretty good.

I’ve lived in many hiuseshares and they always always had a an individual yale lock on the bedroom. Definitely ask.

And plan to move out, or tell your sister to. You can’t live with someone who steals from you and lies to you.

This is genius
Get a camera that films her and send her the recording

Can you pinch her clothes? Each time she takes something of yours, take three of hers to the charity shop.

I had a lamdlady who used to do the same years ago. She also let other people stay in my bed whikst I was working away. I moved out it was the only way. It doesn't sound as if your sister will stop even if you do get a camera. Can you pack all your clothes up and leave them at work or woth a friend whilst you are away?

Have you had a conversation with your sister about this?

Her entire wardrobe?

But the OP can’t just unilaterally put a lock on the doors. It’s not her property.

In your previous post you’ve said that your landlady won’t allow a lock, that it’s a fire risk and that you had asked her - but in this post you’ve said you’re going to ask her about a lock as she’s a reasonable person. Bit contradictory.

side note, the padlock you bought in October shouldn’t be on the knobs it should have been on the chain.

I feel for you, my sister was the same. My suggestion would be a digital lock for the wardrobe - Yale have some on Amazon.

Put a camera in your rooom, motion activated. Amazon.

Does your sister do this to the other tenants, or just you?

you need to move out. In the short term I’d say to her you are looking to move out, mainly due to the way she keeps going into your room and taking your things without permission. That your not kids any more and you have accepted that she just is incapable of seeing you as an adult so think it’s best if you stop living together until she grows up a bit.

You can change the door handle for a locking one. You need a key to open from outside but not from inside in case of fire. Easy to reinstate old handle when you move out.

www.legislate.tech/questions/can-a-lodger-have-a-lock-on-their-door

Lodgers do not usually have the right to locks on their door

But the OP won’t be allowed to do this. If she’s a lodger, she definitely won’t. If she’s a tenant, only if the landlady agrees. I suspect she’s a lodger, not a tenant.

Find somewhere else to live without your sister.

I honestly don't understand why you haven't taken some of the advice that was offered in your other thread to get her to stop.

The only option is to leave & find alternative accommodation for your self and leave your sister to her devices.

I had this with my sister when we were teenagers. Not just clothes but make-up, tampons etc. I put a padlock on my bedroom door but she got really sneaky and would dart in when I was in the loo etc and hadn’t bothered to lock it.

The only solution is to live separately.

@ym10146 thanks I am considering getting a camera. Would you be able to recommend any please? Please feel free to PM if you prefer. Thanks!

I think that would be a bit petty and it would just escalate the situation unfortunately as it would make her angrier. I don’t think it would solve the issue of her taking my clothes and sleeping in my bed when I’m not in my room (and leaving make up and period stains on the sheets). Sorry TMI but it’s true.

I have, yes. Each time she steals my clothes or sleeps in my bed or uses my room when I’m away, I talk to her about it. Each time she apologies and says she won’t do it again. And then, obviously, she does do it again.

It’s not contradictory - the LL has since been thinking about it and is thinking about how to help me, which I appreciate. The padlock I bought was on a chain, and I then looped the chain around the wardrobe doorknobs.

Just me. The other tenants are guys, so she’s not interested in their possessions, and she knows she’s not supposed to go into their rooms. She also wouldn’t dream of going into the LL’s room. I agree we should stop living together, but I’m finding it hard to move out, as it’s been difficult (actually impossible) to find a place to rent where I live due to so much competition. I am looking to move out though.

Yep that’s correct, I am a lodger, so wouldn’t be able to fit a lock on my door without the LL’s permission, which I understand and accept.

By way of an update, I had a proper conversation with the LL this evening, and the LL has offered to get a handyman in to fit stronger locks on my wardrobe doors, to help with this, which I appreciate as a solution to this.

@LookItsMeAgain I know you mean well with your advice here but it’s coming across as a bit judgey. I did take some of the advice from the last thread (I bought a padlock for my wardrobe). In terms of the other advice (move out, buy a lockable suitcase to store my things in, buy a lock for my bedroom door, those things haven’t been possible - there’s no suitcase big enough to fit all my clothes in, I’m not allowed to put a lock on my door without my LL’s permission - as I’m a lodger - and, whilst I am looking to move out, it does of course take time to move out and is not an overnight solution. I have been thinking of getting a camera, but have been reluctant to, as it seems quite extreme doesn’t it? I am considering it more and more as a way of deterring my sister from using my room while I’m away though.

Genuine question - is there any advice you think I should act on?

Thanks Eustonia, I agree. I’m sorry to hear about your sister - my sister’s behaviour sounds very similar.