Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a lock to be fitted on my door? Housemate constantly stealing clothes

152 replies

Aeroflot21 · 08/01/2023 02:40

I live in a house share with a couple of friends and my sister, and my sister keeps on coming into my room and taking my clothes when I’m not there. When I see her wearing them, she either lies and says she’s not wearing them, or she’ll insult me, or she’ll apologise and say she won’t do it again.

We were all out tonight celebrating a friend’s birthday and I noticed my sister wearing a dress I had. She denied it and said it was something she’d bought herself recently, but I knew it was mine. I then tried to search for the dress in my room later, and it was missing, so I knew the dress she’d worn was actually mine.

In the grand scheme of things, yes this might seem like a small thing, but I find it really difficult to deal with, because I see it as a big invasion of my personal space and privacy that she thinks it’s okay to go into my room when I’m not there, help herself to whatever clothes of mine that she likes, wear them and then lie to me about whether they’re mine or not. I really try to take care of my room and my things, whereas she doesn’t. I find it really disrespectful that she just doesn’t care. It’s also been going on for so long and I’m just at the end of my tether. We are both in our late twenties and she knows it’s not on to behave like this.

As my housemates and I are all lodgers, we don’t have locks fitted on our bedroom doors. Would I be unreasonable to ask our landlady (who also lives in the house with us) if I can have a lock fitted on my door?

I might just ask for a lock, and not tell her the reason, and then just see what she says. I’m so pissed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aeroflot21 · 09/01/2023 12:57

Testina · 09/01/2023 12:22

”How is this thread for attention? I am asking for help here.”

It’s for attention because you’re talking about ridiculous things like boobytrapping your room 🙄 and installing camera 🙄

Why would you do either of those things?

She already admits to it, you already know it’s her.

Does she know you’re actively (supposedly) looking to move out?
Have you told your LL that you’re on the verge of leaving?
Have you asked your LL to deal with the problem tenant?
Have you asked your parents to get involved?
Have you told her that you’re going to tell the other lodger than she’s been in their room is she doesn’t stay the fuck out of yours?

There’s more than a whiff of bullshit about this tbh. You had a conversation only last night to try to persuade LL to put a lock on your door, and yet you didn’t tell them she went into someone else’s room? 🙄

It’s complicated as I find it hard to stand up to her, as she can get quite nasty. At least my parents and LL are both aware of the situation now.

The idea about putting a camera in my room came about because, even if I can get my wardrobe fully secured, I still want to know if my sister uses the rest of my room, as obviously I can’t lock it as my LL has not allowed this. If I have a camera in my room, I can see my sister using it and keep on telling her to leave.

OP posts:
coconutpie · 09/01/2023 13:07

But OP, you don't have to stand up to her. You tell the LL that your sister is entering and using your room and she is also doing the same to the other housemates, you caught her yesterday going into the room of a housemate who is away. The LL can evict her. Talking about getting a camera for your room is pointless.

Testina · 09/01/2023 13:08

A camera though?
If you can’t tell she’s been in there, and you’re leaving anyway, how much does it matter that you know?
And if you can tell, you don’t need CCTV evidence.
Having a camera won’t stop her doing it - because it isn’t by stealth. Sure, sometimes she denies it - but you know she’s lying. What have your parents said to her?

I think it would help to think through what “getting quite nasty” means. Maybe now is the time to stop being scared of that.

hookiewookie29 · 09/01/2023 13:19

I've never heard of a house share situation where you're not allowed locks on the doors!
Don't tell the landlady it's your sister- she may think its just a sibling fall out thing. Just say its one of the other tenants doing it.

TeaMeBasil · 09/01/2023 13:22

I agree with Testina - not a lot of point to a camera since you are both fully aware that you know she's doing it, and she's not listening when you tell her to stop. Not sure how telling her remotely will make much difference.

Also - if getting nasty means she gets a bit stroppy and shouty then absolutely it's time to stop letting that scare you.

I think all you can do at this stage is get the wardrobe lock sorted, do as much as you can to move out and get away from your crappy sister - and in the meantime, when you go away strip your bed & lock it all away so all she has is a bare mattress. She either sleeps on that or has to use her own bedding on your bed.

It's fucking weird that she's so keen to sleep in your bed though.

You have to tell your landlady about her entering the other housemates room too. That must be flagged up.

She should be the one leaving, not you. Massive life lesson for her.

Noodlehen · 09/01/2023 16:45

Another question - are you related to your LL in any way?

because you previously haven’t called your sister your sister but a housemate - eg your previous post about her walking around with boots on, putting shoes on table etc.

I just fail to see how your LL wouldn’t be evicting someone who is trespassing in others rooms and stealing their items. It doesn’t appear that it would be strange for you to miss out key information.

Testina · 09/01/2023 17:01

hookiewookie29 · 09/01/2023 13:19

I've never heard of a house share situation where you're not allowed locks on the doors!
Don't tell the landlady it's your sister- she may think its just a sibling fall out thing. Just say its one of the other tenants doing it.

What, tell the LL that one of the other housemates - both male - are the ones wearing her stolen clothes and bleeding period blood on her bed?!

Odd “advice” given that the complaint has already been made to the LL. And also bad advice - how good is her relationship going to be with the two men living there if she falsely accuses them?

Feelallright · 09/01/2023 17:16

bloodyeverlastinghell · 09/01/2023 07:35

When I rented out rooms I fitted these on the doors when requested by a lodger. It means you don’t have any holes etc if changing back to family homes. I don’t see why a landlady would have an issue with it tbh.

Show quote history

Because it can change the legal agreement that makes a lodger a lodger. Once you put a lock on the door, the lodger can have more rights.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 09/01/2023 17:18

If this thread is genuine ) and I am not entirely sure it is) then why isn't the landlady getting more involved? Why can't you have a lock on your door? I would have thought that was a standard thing in a house share with multiple rooms

Feelallright · 09/01/2023 17:18

hookiewookie29 · 09/01/2023 13:19

I've never heard of a house share situation where you're not allowed locks on the doors!
Don't tell the landlady it's your sister- she may think its just a sibling fall out thing. Just say its one of the other tenants doing it.

That’ll be because you are a tenant and not a lodger. I’ve never had locks on doors in all the times I was a lodger.

Feelallright · 09/01/2023 17:21

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 09/01/2023 17:18

If this thread is genuine ) and I am not entirely sure it is) then why isn't the landlady getting more involved? Why can't you have a lock on your door? I would have thought that was a standard thing in a house share with multiple rooms

Because the OP is a lodger. It’s not normal to have locks on doors.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 09/01/2023 17:24

It's not normal to have other lodgers stealing your stuff and getting away with it. Thus thread is not normal and I am a lunatic for even caring !

Feelallright · 09/01/2023 17:43

The landlady needs to tell the sister to leave, that’s all.

liveforsummer · 10/01/2023 07:00

Because the OP is a lodger. It’s not normal to have locks on doors.

Surely it's normal to have a lock on a door in any living situation, if you want one?

Feelallright · 10/01/2023 07:18

liveforsummer · 10/01/2023 07:00

Because the OP is a lodger. It’s not normal to have locks on doors.

Surely it's normal to have a lock on a door in any living situation, if you want one?

No, not if you are a lodger. It can change the legal position between landlady and lodger. I was a lodger for years in various households, as were most of my friends. There are never locks on doors. If you want a lock, you need to be in a house share where you have a tenancy and you do not live with the landlady.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/01/2023 07:27

Complain to the landlady every time she does it. Get a camera and show the landlady the evidence. The landlady needs to deal with this, it is not acceptable to live in a situation where a housemate is entering your room and taking your things without permission. What would you do if one of your other housemates was doing this? The fact she’s your sister should be irrelevant.

When you go away make sure you strip the bed. Put your sheets and duvet away in lockable suitcases (or the lockable wardrobes if the landlord has sorted them by then) so she can’t use your bed. Set up the camera and if she enters your room call or text the landlord to sort it.

Ultimately it is the landlord’s issue to sort and if your sister won’t respect the privacy of the other tenants she needs to leave the house.

milveycrohn · 10/01/2023 11:19

I believe that a lock on the door changes legal position.
Well, remember if you approach the landlady and she lives on the premises, then you have very few rights, and she can ask one or other (or both) to leave.

Brefugee · 10/01/2023 11:22

I would be:

  • looking for a new flatshare
  • telling LL you would like a lock because other people are going in your room even though you've asked them not to
  • asking your LL to evict the person who is going in your room and using your things without permission
  • for the meantime lock things away in a suitcase

Sister though? have a fight with her and throw her on the dogbowl. According to people on twitter that's absolutely normal sibling behaviour.

Richelieu · 10/01/2023 11:42

@Aeroflot21 if you’re really serious about stopping your sister from rifling through your wardrobe and you can't get padlocks that will work, why don’t you buy a lockable strap, like a long tamper-proof luggage strap, to pull taut round the entire wardrobe and physically stop her opening the doors? There are several options online in various lengths, like this, for example. There may be others, this was just one I found with a fairly cursory google.

It’s certainly extreme and sounds like overkill, but if a woman in her late 20s simply won’t behave like an adult over this, maybe you have to resort to somewhat ludicrous lengths?

BMW6 · 10/01/2023 12:01

Surely if the LL is made aware that your sister is going into other lodgers rooms she will evict her?

Have you told the other lodger that you saw your sister going in their room?

I don't understand why you are so passive.

JennyMule · 10/01/2023 12:14

Lodgers aren’t allowed to put a lock on their door, but if they do, the landlord is entitled to a copy of the key, and can enter without restrictions. LL can install locks if they wish (and retain a copy of the key.)
An cccupant is only a tenant if the agreement doesn't allow LL to enter the space without restrictions. If OP/LL have a written lodging agreement in the usual terms a lock on OPs door with LL agreement (and as keyholder) won't create a tenancy.

Brefugee · 10/01/2023 12:28

tbh since the LL isn't OP's problem, i don't think a lock on the door should be an issue.

But OP needs to either move out or get the LL to chuck out the sister. Now she's been caught sleeping in someone else's room how hard could this be?

Longcovidshitshow · 10/01/2023 15:57

I hope you can move out asap OP. What a nightmare.

365names · 10/01/2023 20:37

Cctv in your room and involve the police. Text and email her that she must not enter your room from now on

put a camera in and show to the landlord if she does - the landlord can remove her

SavoirFlair · 10/01/2023 20:42

As I said earlier on page 5 @Aeroflot21 , you don’t want to solve this, do you.

Every sensible suggestion on this forum gets an immediate rebuttal , there’s always a reason why something can’t be done.

What number of posts would you like this thread to get to , before you start acknowledging the linear practicality of some of the steps suggested by forum users?