To wonder why some men stay single?

[Tandees]

i had one of those moments yesterday where you thank your lucky stars you didn’t leave the house looking like shit. I was stood in the queue at Pret when I bumped into an old ‘ex’ of sorts. I was 18 when I met him at Uni, he was a 24 year old postgrad, played rugby, absolutely to die for. We had a very intense ‘friends with benefits’ situation for years. Didn’t see anyone else, did a lot together and he was just wonderful. I never pursued a relationship because he always gave the impression he didn’t want one. I broke off the arrangement 5 years later, by which time I was head over heels and heartbroken. Messed me up for a while but I later married a lovely uncomplicated man and am very lucky and happy with 2 children.

Fast forward, he’s just as gorgeous, very successful and single. We had a coffee and a nice catch up. He suggested meeting again but I declined and wished him well. Frankly I wouldn’t trust myself and I was amazed at how wildly attracted I was to him, but I guess that’s nostalgia for you.

I am however baffled that he’s never committed to anyone, even for a short time. I’m curious about this. He was raised by a single mother (who was an incredible self made woman who I met a few times and was absolutely in awe of) and had a dad who really did the dirty on them and he didn’t have much to do with them. I don’t know what the point of this thread is but I suppose I’m just curious about people who remain single. I don’t think for a moment that ‘coupled up’ people are happier necessarily but he was an incredibly affectionate, kind and enormously charismatic man. I’m surprised he wasn’t snapped up.

Has he ever said that he wants to "keep one"?

I'm fascinated by what forums you're referring to...

Dunno

I think if you are popular and social and have some arrangement for sex, but you’re also happy with your own company, you might just not feel a strong urge to be part of a couple. It might be more than he never sought it out, the right person never landed in front of him - and as he says there gets to a point when there are fewer options. Some people are quite island like.

Commitment phobic or emotionally unavailable, take your pick.

Many men, wonderfully open, lovely and attractive, are simply emotionally stunted. They are great friends and lovers but won't commit. And if they do, they cheat.

I know a couple. In theory they have it all. Great jobs, attractive, intelligent, funny and great personalities. But they can't commit, they are allergic to the word and the moment the current partner wants more, they leave.

If they've formed a poor impression of women, to leave us alone would seem to be a mature and reasonable decision. Far more sensible than haunting MN looking for opportunities to post about how devious and manipulative we are and how they're victims of us, which seems to be a rather tedious trend on here of late.

For the same reasons some women choose and prefer to stay single?

Oh please commitment phobic

such a cliche that woman have excised men for who really don’t want to be in a relationship because they content with how their life is

As for restrictions on sex, few men find they have less sex within a typical relationship than while single. Not sure what the average is, but even if it's only once a week in the relationship, its a lot more reliable than traipsing round in the hopes of pulling someone for a ONS.

depends on the attractiveness and age of a man. If he's handsome and charismatic enough he'd do quite well ion the single scene. Your young single zac efron type will do better than your single James Corden.

If they've formed a poor impression of women, to leave us alone would seem to be a mature and reasonable decision. Far more sensible than haunting MN looking for opportunities to post about how devious and manipulative we are and how they're victims of us, which seems to be a rather tedious trend on here of late

in fairness there are countless threads of women spitting venom against the male species here. And if there is a case of a high profile murder in the press of man kills woman posters here will hijack it and use it as a stick to batter all 4 billion males on the planet so I can see why we don't always look great on here and might scare men off.

I was thinking of the impression that a lot of women just see men as a source of seed to make bay-bays.

You do know that being single doesn't mean you are completely isolated from the world and have no connections with a single other living soul?

Such a strange post to be honest. Single people have friends and family members too you know.

Why don't you ask him op?

If true, I wonder what men have done to make themselves obsolete in all other regards?

I'm glad someone said this.

Not to mention that a lot of partners don't have each others back anyway, judging by threads on here.

She did. She expressed surprise that he hadn’t been snapped up and he said “the pool dries up after 35”.

Hes 42 not 82, maybe he will still marry. Marraige is over rated anyway if you ask me.

@seineingefrohrenerpimmel

You do know that being single doesn't mean you are completely isolated from the world and have no connections with a single other living soul?

This. Most single people I know have far better networks and more durable friendships than a lot of married people. Many married men in particular seem to see coupledom as a license to retreat and stop trying. Marriage and cohabitation can be the loneliest place.

I don’t think that is the case. The majority of men want children. The majority of men, when they fall in love, want their partner to commit to them and realise that that takes commitment on both sides. We have lived in a society governed by the rules of men for thousands of years. If men didn’t want marriage, it wouldn’t exist.

There are some great men who post on here. Open minded, supportive, very comfortable with the idea that women sometimes need space to discuss and process some of the horrendous things women suffer at the hands of men. They know these things happen and we get angry, and they don't need us to be silent about that to protect their feelings. Those men aren't scared off, because they know that if the cap doesn't fit them they don't need to wear it.

And of financial support for those baybays and mama. Let's not pretend it doesn't happen.

Why not ask why women prefer to be single rather than be stand in parent for a partner's children from a previous relationship? It's called preferring to be single.

@slashlover

He goes in with good intentions but then he runs for the hills if they expect more of him. He’s immature, but very handsome with a successful business. The women are always younger and he love bombs them with expensive items and holidays, until he gets bored and moves on. He is happy in his own company, is financially sound so he sees no reason to settle I guess. He has 3 kids by 3 different women and does see them but in a Disney dad context.

Well, exactly.

I wondered if you had a theory? Mine would be that if there are women who've come to the conclusion that short of impregnating them, men have nothing to offer them, there must be something seriously lacking in the contribution men are making to women's lives.

@5128gap I'm with you on that but would also add that women (to some extent) now have all the financial freedom they want - I stress to some extent. And to many women being encumbered with a baby and being dependant on a man doesn't look too fancy an option. I was on twitter a while ago and a man posted that there will be in generations to come a cohort of childfree, single old women with nothing but their cats and a lot of expensive make up and Insta pics of far flung holidays to show for all their life endeavours and hoardes of women replied along the lines of "Where and how can I sign up for that!!?" "Sounds amazing!" so in some regard women have become a lot more savvier and braver in their life choices.