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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help with child in changing room

134 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 11:42

Hello mums please can you help?
I am a member of an inexpensive gym , so no private cubicles. At the moment, every time I go, I just happen to be on the same timetable as a mum with her 2 kids. The older one is a boy probably about 4 or 5. They come in and get changed and go swimming (I have come from the gym part) trouble is the boy stands and stares at me the whole time. And the mum never seems to notice. Its not his fault, he's little but the mum is not noticing. I've tried things like "hello are you excited about swimming" so the mum may notice and like most mums, ensure he is engaged elsewhere after a while. But she just leaves him there to stare and stare. Even if I turn my back , and try to dry/ change under my towel he is there when I turn back. The mum seems really nice but sort of immune to it. A few weeks ago, he wandered into the shower areas and turned one on, an older lady said "careful they come on hot and he's just put it on" and she was smiley and happy and said "he's been coming here since he was a baby, he knows all about how to do things here"
How can I gently correct him? I really don't feel comfortable being assertive with the mum directly (I know I'm a wimp) what would you do. To be clear, I love kids , this is not a grumpy thing. This is a 'I'm feeling more and more self conscious' thing

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/01/2023 11:53

How about 'I'm sure that your mum will agree that it's rude to stare'?

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 11:54

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/01/2023 11:53

How about 'I'm sure that your mum will agree that it's rude to stare'?

Would that be seen as rude by the mum?

OP posts:
SilverHydrangea · 07/01/2023 11:55

I would get a towel robe that you can get changed under and then just ignore the 5 year old boy as nothing on show. Mine was about £12 from Decathlon - cotton not sticky microfibre. Originally for outdoor swimming and getting changed outdoors, I find it brilliant when taking young kids swimming I throw it on get them dressed without getting cold and can then get ready myself with nothing on show. (Tip, slide cossie straps off, towelrobe on, cossie off. A vest top or wide neck Tshirt that you can step into also makes things easier).

ClubhouseGift · 07/01/2023 11:56

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 11:54

Would that be seen as rude by the mum?

Show quote history

Of course.

girlmom21 · 07/01/2023 11:56

Just tell the mom that he's making you uncomfortable, or speak to the staff if you don't want to speak to mom.

WhatLikeItsHard · 07/01/2023 12:06

Omg don't tell the staff that you think a 4 year old child is perving on you! 🤣

Just wait an extra 5 minutes so they are gone?

Buy a toweling wrap thing?

Get changed in a toilet cubicle if you're really uncomfortable?

takealettermsjones · 07/01/2023 12:06

Well you've got three options:
• Accept that he's only five and it's just idle curiosity
• Speak to the mum
• Go and get changed in a toilet cubicle

girlmom21 · 07/01/2023 12:08

WhatLikeItsHard · 07/01/2023 12:06

Omg don't tell the staff that you think a 4 year old child is perving on you! 🤣

Just wait an extra 5 minutes so they are gone?

Buy a toweling wrap thing?

Get changed in a toilet cubicle if you're really uncomfortable?

You don't have to tell the staff a 4 year old is perving on you Hmm you can say he's being left unsupervised (shower scenario) and is making people uncomfortable while watching them change and his DM is oblivious.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/01/2023 12:14

Would that be seen as rude by the mum?

I probably wouldn't care!

The towel tent sounds like a good investment.

It is rude of the mother to let the child stare though.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:28

SilverHydrangea · 07/01/2023 11:55

I would get a towel robe that you can get changed under and then just ignore the 5 year old boy as nothing on show. Mine was about £12 from Decathlon - cotton not sticky microfibre. Originally for outdoor swimming and getting changed outdoors, I find it brilliant when taking young kids swimming I throw it on get them dressed without getting cold and can then get ready myself with nothing on show. (Tip, slide cossie straps off, towelrobe on, cossie off. A vest top or wide neck Tshirt that you can step into also makes things easier).

I have nothing on show anyway as I have one of these. It's not the fact he might see anything and it's obviously nothing to do with being "perved on" fgs

Toilet is a good idea but they are the other side of the reception so not suitable for changing in

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:30

Waiting til they are gone is good. I will sit on the bench and go on my phone, finish my podcast or whatever but he stands and stares then too. The changing is not the issue. It's the constant staring.
It is not his fault. I am not angry at him. I would like advice on how to mention it or redirect it

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 07/01/2023 12:31

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:28

I have nothing on show anyway as I have one of these. It's not the fact he might see anything and it's obviously nothing to do with being "perved on" fgs

Toilet is a good idea but they are the other side of the reception so not suitable for changing in

Show quote history

So what's the problem then?

That he's looking at you wearing a towel?! I'm not sure you can really complain about that.

girlmom21 · 07/01/2023 12:33

@NuffSaidSam 4 year olds should be taught not to stare. It's rude. It makes people feel uncomfortable.

Gymrabbit · 07/01/2023 12:34

I would just say.
‘would you be able to ask your little boy to stop staring at me - I know he doesn’t mean anything by it but I find it quite unnerving.’

if nothing else, staring is bad manners and his mum needs to tell him so.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/01/2023 12:35

but he stands and stares then too. The changing is not the issue. It's the constant staring.

My mother would have said 'It's rude to stare, now come over here and ...'

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/01/2023 12:36

takealettermsjones · 07/01/2023 12:06

Well you've got three options:
• Accept that he's only five and it's just idle curiosity
• Speak to the mum
• Go and get changed in a toilet cubicle

This

Gymrabbit · 07/01/2023 12:36

on a completely different note - interesting that despite TRAs constantly abusing people like Helen Staniland for saying so there still are a range of gyms where there are no cubicles.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:37

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/01/2023 12:36

This

Show quote history

Agreed. How to phrase it with the mum?

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:39

NuffSaidSam · 07/01/2023 12:31

So what's the problem then?

That he's looking at you wearing a towel?! I'm not sure you can really complain about that.

Show quote history

Nope. Not looking. Staring constantly for approx 5-10mins while family get ready to swim. Mum doesn't notice, or take hint that I have given that he is staring

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:40

Gymrabbit · 07/01/2023 12:34

I would just say.
‘would you be able to ask your little boy to stop staring at me - I know he doesn’t mean anything by it but I find it quite unnerving.’

if nothing else, staring is bad manners and his mum needs to tell him so.

I think I could do something like this. It's seems friendly

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:40

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/01/2023 12:35

but he stands and stares then too. The changing is not the issue. It's the constant staring.

My mother would have said 'It's rude to stare, now come over here and ...'

Yes this is my experience too with my own mum and every friend I have with kids

OP posts:
RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho · 07/01/2023 12:42

Is there a way to deal with it with a sense of humour that draws the attention of the Mum?

Play peekaboo with him - performance parenting style?

I know he's too old to play peekaboo but it would be a funny way of drawing the attention of the Mum.

Bring in a magazine for him to read?

Ask him if he wants to take a picture - it will last longer (this is less kind)

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2023 12:44

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 11:54

Would that be seen as rude by the mum?

Show quote history

Who cares?

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 12:46

RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho · 07/01/2023 12:42

Is there a way to deal with it with a sense of humour that draws the attention of the Mum?

Play peekaboo with him - performance parenting style?

I know he's too old to play peekaboo but it would be a funny way of drawing the attention of the Mum.

Bring in a magazine for him to read?

Ask him if he wants to take a picture - it will last longer (this is less kind)

Yeah definitely this was my first approach to be engaging and chatty and nice to him. He doesn't really answer or engage which is OK but the key point is the mum doesn't notice.

OP posts:
1hyuny · 07/01/2023 12:49

I'd just ignore, quickly get changed and leave. If you notice he's staring at you for 10 minutes solid then you must partly be staring back. Just get changed and leave 🤷‍♀️

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