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Original poster

Help with child in changing room

134 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 11:42

Hello mums please can you help?
I am a member of an inexpensive gym , so no private cubicles. At the moment, every time I go, I just happen to be on the same timetable as a mum with her 2 kids. The older one is a boy probably about 4 or 5. They come in and get changed and go swimming (I have come from the gym part) trouble is the boy stands and stares at me the whole time. And the mum never seems to notice. Its not his fault, he's little but the mum is not noticing. I've tried things like "hello are you excited about swimming" so the mum may notice and like most mums, ensure he is engaged elsewhere after a while. But she just leaves him there to stare and stare. Even if I turn my back , and try to dry/ change under my towel he is there when I turn back. The mum seems really nice but sort of immune to it. A few weeks ago, he wandered into the shower areas and turned one on, an older lady said "careful they come on hot and he's just put it on" and she was smiley and happy and said "he's been coming here since he was a baby, he knows all about how to do things here"
How can I gently correct him? I really don't feel comfortable being assertive with the mum directly (I know I'm a wimp) what would you do. To be clear, I love kids , this is not a grumpy thing. This is a 'I'm feeling more and more self conscious' thing

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 22:02

Thinkbiglittleone · 07/01/2023 21:57

Yep, mum is busy but also a nice woman. She doesn't notice what he is doing, or pick up when other people do

So, what have other people said to her ?

I personally find it bizarre to feel unnerved by a 4 year old, but if it something you feel strongly about.

"Oh, you might want to turn away, I don't want to put you off your lunch" hahaha to the child.

Then to mum "ohh they are so inquisitive at that age, they just don't get it yet about privacy do they"

He turned the showers on before and a lady said to the mum about it as they come on very hot. She was very blasé that he had been coming since a baby so knew how to do the showers. The mirror and hairdryer is very poorly placed right by the door from reception. When he is by there, women will say ' careful there as you'll get hit by the door as people won't see you' he stays there and mum doesn't acknowledge anything has been said

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 22:06

Thinkbiglittleone · 07/01/2023 22:01

I think playing peekaboo or asking ‘are you excited about swimming’ would probably just make her think you are a nice woman who likes kids

Yeah I think engaging with him more, just makes her look more silly to then ask him to stop looking at her.

We had lots of nice ladies who chatted away and sang and chatted to my son when we used to go swimming. We still see some of the ladies there now and they tell him how they remember him being tiny, it's quite cute.

Yeah there are other families that go, it's actually a really friendly nice place

OP posts:
Nooriginalusername23 · 07/01/2023 22:06

thefiddlerselbow · 07/01/2023 15:52

"Oh sweetie, I'm just going to get changed, you might want to look the other way"

(laugh)

then at his Mum, with humour

"don't want to scar the poor h the poor lad for life!"

(Laugh)

This is the friendliest way to say it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/01/2023 22:07

I tel my 4 year old its rude to stare, irrespective of age in the changing room. Its rude to stare at anyone else while they're changing and it's never too early to learn this, it's hardly a complicated message and fits in with the 'what's in your pants is private' message

Nooriginalusername23 · 07/01/2023 22:09

PAFMO · 07/01/2023 18:33

As you say, it's weird. And until they're told it's weird, they don't know. So they keep doing it. How old is he going to have to be until a woman is allowed to tell him that staring at her tits is inappropriate?

Show quote history

You have quite a perverted mind to say a 4 year old child would be ‘staring at her tits’ if he’s looking at her it’s not going to be in a sexual way is it 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 07/01/2023 22:11

Nooriginalusername23 · 07/01/2023 22:06

This is the friendliest way to say it.

Show quote history

Thank you

OP posts:
Cheesio · 07/01/2023 22:14

No children need straight talking but calm and clear. Stop staring at me it's rude. Tell the parent clearly she has a responsibility to her son. When my kid was 5 a boy. I said very clearly eyes down. And get changed in the loos.

Gunpowder · 07/01/2023 22:22

Sorry crochet - I didn’t meant to imply you weren’t nice or that you didn’t like kids! Obviously you do or you wouldn’t be worried about upsetting the family.

I was putting myself in the mum’s shoes. If you are busy with one child you can’t always look at the other children every second - but they are in your peripheral vision and you do listen out so you can leap in if you hear someone tutting etc. If you hear a familiar friendly woman engaging with them that almost gives you license to not worry about that child so much for a few seconds. Maybe this is just me. I’m now going to do some staring checks on my kids when we go swimming.

I think the ‘I’m changing, better look away now!’ comment is great.

CornedBeef451 · 07/01/2023 22:22

I would just tell him it's rude to stare. He's old enough to be told what is appropriate behaviour and clearly his mom had noticed or doesn't care. If she's upset then maybe she'll deal with it!

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