Help with child in changing room

[crochetmonkey74]

Hello mums please can you help?
I am a member of an inexpensive gym , so no private cubicles. At the moment, every time I go, I just happen to be on the same timetable as a mum with her 2 kids. The older one is a boy probably about 4 or 5. They come in and get changed and go swimming (I have come from the gym part) trouble is the boy stands and stares at me the whole time. And the mum never seems to notice. Its not his fault, he's little but the mum is not noticing. I've tried things like "hello are you excited about swimming" so the mum may notice and like most mums, ensure he is engaged elsewhere after a while. But she just leaves him there to stare and stare. Even if I turn my back , and try to dry/ change under my towel he is there when I turn back. The mum seems really nice but sort of immune to it. A few weeks ago, he wandered into the shower areas and turned one on, an older lady said "careful they come on hot and he's just put it on" and she was smiley and happy and said "he's been coming here since he was a baby, he knows all about how to do things here"
How can I gently correct him? I really don't feel comfortable being assertive with the mum directly (I know I'm a wimp) what would you do. To be clear, I love kids , this is not a grumpy thing. This is a 'I'm feeling more and more self conscious' thing

As a non confrontational person, I would stagger my time slightly to try and avoid them.

Bring in a magazine for him to read?

Private Eye?

I absolutely am not staring back

Yes sometimes they are not there. I go 5 times a week and 3 times they will be there.

I would feel differently if the child was 12 but at 4 no. A 4 year old isn’t checking you out. I presume the mum has a younger child and is distracted.

I would get a changing towel but potential consider your own uncomfortableness and the reasons for this.

His mum doesn’t care about her son being rude to you, why do you care about her thinking you rude (although I don’t think, ‘could you stop staring at me please?’ is rude)?

Either way crack On get changed and leave

I'd be really careful saying anything to his mum. However you phrase it, it will be a criticism of her child or her parenting and it probably won't go down well. As a bystander, I would think you were being very odd to take issue with a 4/5 year old looking at you. He's a child and there's nothing sinister about it.

If you don't have anything on "show", what's your actual issue? Are you self conscious about something and think he's staring at it?

You've tried being nice and friendly so I'd be a bit more direct, small kids aren't great at taking a hint. Try 'could you please look the other way while I get changed?' hopefully mum hears and takes action.

Sure, but I don't think you can complain to leisure centre management that a child looked at you....

@NuffSaidSam it's not just looking. It's staring. And you can if it happens every single time.

I'm amazed that so many here think that it's OK for a child to stare and not be corrected by a parent!

Agreed. In fact every gym I've been a member at have very few cubicles.

OP honestly I'd say something. Children need to know it's rude to stare.

A 4 year old isn’t checking you out
I have already said this is not what I think

Nope please read all my posts

I agree . Every parent I have ever known would correct it. But as usual on MN there's no problem with anything ever

I've had to tell children this age the following:

1. now, we don't look when other people aren't changing, do we.
2. it's rude to keep looking when someone has asked you to stop.
3. do not peep under the shower cubicle that is very rude.
4. you have now been peeping under the door over and over when I have asked you not to. I'm going to have a word with your dad

Yes - number 3 was to the same child as number 2. A boy of at least 5 as it was august and i see him every week in school uniform. I'm a parent of a child the same age.

My 'inexpensive gym' doesn't allow under 16s in at all. And it doesn't have a pool either. Maybe try an actual budget gym instead. I'd hate to have children in the way when I'm in the gym.

I would use this line too. It sounds friendlier than just saying don't stare, but still clearly makes your point. I don't see how the mum could think it rude because it's not. She might be annoyed, but that's on her for allowing her child to stare at you in the first place. It sounds like a very annoying situation!

On MN Boys are allowed into women's changing rooms until they're about 14. And if the women feel uncomfortable with it, they're the ones with the problem.
5 is not too young to be told he's being rude. If he's not told now, he becomes 6, then 7. Etc.
He's staring at a grown woman now who presumably isn't intimidated by him. Someone's 5 year old daughter might be.

Oh for gods sake this is such a non issue just turn your back and ignore it. Who cares

I'd tell the mother once, , politely, calmly , that you are embarrassed by her sons behaviour and ask her to make it stop.

If she and the boy failed to comply then very shortly, they would both face personal embarrassment in the gym changing rooms.

I think I'd say something to the mum along the lines of

'excuse me can you distract your little boy, he's super cute but he's freaking me out' haha tinkly laugh etc etc

What if she can’t stop him staring and decided it’s a battle not worth fighting and he’s SN?
I can’t stop my 5 year old touching things in shops, no matter what I say to him. Result is we don’t go shopping

I wouldn’t tell any reception age child it was rude to stare. They are curious about the world and look around at everything - that’s normal. No child that age is thinking rude thoughts.

If someone spoke to me about this I would think what is their issue, why don’t they go to an adult only gym instead if they can’t handle normal interactions with kids?

I think if you raise this with her in any way whatsoever you need to prepare for it being awkward.