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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do some parents do this?

186 replies

Biscuitbabe87 · 07/01/2023 10:34

I've noticed more often that whilst on public transport, parents with young children handing them tablets playing annoying repetitive music or tv shows(always without headphones)- this morning I've had to endure Dora the explorer for 3 hours! Why on earth do people think this is okay? Or am I being grumpy?

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 07/01/2023 10:55

No, l really wouldnt, so how about chosing another option instead . Maybe listen with headphones or perhaps interact withbyour child so theyre not bored.
I get kids get bored and can he a handful sometimes but that's mostly lazy parenting.

Bestcatmum · 07/01/2023 10:55

Because nobody gives a shit about anyone else. I take my own headphones if I go out or I'd go mad.

NewYearNewName2023 · 07/01/2023 10:57

BabyFour2023 · 07/01/2023 10:38

A very young child on a 7.30am train for 3 hours would’ve needed entertaining. They could’ve used headphones but then, so could you.

You can hardly expect everyone else in the carriage to have worn headphones because of one inconsiderate parent? Of course the person listening to the noise should be the one to wear them, not others to block out their noise

PrincessAnastasiaRomanov · 07/01/2023 11:00

MeinKraft · 07/01/2023 10:38

Because if they didn't you'd be on here whinging about the kids complaining the whole way. Or the parent performance parenting. Can't fucking win.

This.

And I am a parent that doesn't use screens out, but goodness do the performative parenting complaints make me seethe.

mikado1 · 07/01/2023 11:01

Apart from DC at all, how has listening to anything without headphones in public, become semi-acceptable or at the very least, something that happens regularly?! I remember this happening on a jammed train another 10 years ago, really loud heavy metal type music and I quite confidently asked the man to turn it off please and was shocked when he refused 😂 He was also really intimidating and others agreed with me but were afraid to say anything. Now it's more a normal thing, and thankfully I'm not on that jammed rush hour train.

SpinningFloppa · 07/01/2023 11:01

I was On the bus the other day and a man was listening to something on his phone loud without any headphones, bus driver told him off 🤣 so not just kids

QuertyGirl · 07/01/2023 11:04

Because it's easy.

I don't do it - I talk to my child.

I can understand why it might be useful for non-NT children though.

I'd probably be accused of performance parenting by bystanders who think everything is about them. It's really not, conversation with my son is about teaching him manners and critical thought. Even on a bus.

Shoot me.

OrdinaryAva · 07/01/2023 11:05

The parent use it for themselves to block everything out so they can ignore the kid whilst sitting peacefully on their phone for the entire journey. Gotta admit it’s better than listening to some adult talking loudly on their phone or watching YouTube. Or, those that video call & you can see the other person lying in bed! I know I can look away but I just hate the daft fuckers looking at me.

Soakitup37 · 07/01/2023 11:06

meetmynewusername · 07/01/2023 10:38

I’m guessing it would have been worse without Dora and the parent knew this! Maybe the child refuses to wear headphones?

It’s a vicious slippery slope though. Parents who start giving their child a tablet young are doing their child a massive disservice because their child never learns to self regulate.

A slippery slope!? Oh please! Let’s just make a huge blanket statement you can’t back up with such tosh! How young? Self regulate what?

thirstyformore · 07/01/2023 11:06

Height of rudeness. Who the fuck wants to listen to Dora for 3 hours. Talk to your kids. Engage with then. Teach them to use headphones if you don't want to do that.

And yes, I would absolutely prefer to listen to kids being kids (chatting, moaning, crying, laughing) than tinny shitty kids tv.

Any yes, I have spent many many hours on public transport with small children.

Imagine if we all played what we wanted as loud as we wanted. No one would be able to hear a thing.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/01/2023 11:07

BabyFour2023 · 07/01/2023 10:38

A very young child on a 7.30am train for 3 hours would’ve needed entertaining. They could’ve used headphones but then, so could you.

You shouldn't have to wear headphones to shut out other people's noise though. The child should've had headphones on.

user1496146479 · 07/01/2023 11:08

malificent7 · 07/01/2023 10:34

Well it's that or having them wriggle and scream so take your pick.

Use headphones!

DuplicateUserName · 07/01/2023 11:09

You can always politely ask them to turn it down.

Unless you're the typical MNetter who's always too 'shocked' and 'stunned' and doesn't like 'confrontation' 😁

Yesterdaywasntreal · 07/01/2023 11:11

Headphones all the way!

Butchyrestingface · 07/01/2023 11:12

People of ALL ages do it on trains where I live. Dora the Explorer is no worse than a lot of the other stuff I'm forced to listen to. Or rather, I WOULD be forced to listen to, if I didn't move carriage.

Personally, I'd punt all non-headphone users off the service, courtesy of electrified cattle prods. Grin.

mikado1 · 07/01/2023 11:13

Yes, I'd probably be thought of as performance parenting when I'm actually just parenting and quite enjoying chatting etc to my DC, certainly don't make eye contact or expect any comments etc.

Separately, I'd never heard of performance parenting before MN and spotted it a few months ago with a mother and her toddler..only to see her repeatedly since and it's quite obvious she's lonely and struggling with the toddler years and eager for adult input and interaction during their day. So, it's not always about being smug.

IlIlI · 07/01/2023 11:13

Same reason anybody inconsiderate does anything! If you don't think like them, you won't know why. I have asked some people like this before, they say it's a public place so everybody should expect noise... One was letting her child scream on the bus, very regular bus times so one would be there soon after if she'd got off to sort the child. She said "haha, well, I have to listen to this shit at home all day every day, why shouldn't other people" and nudged me in a jokey way as if I would agree since we're both mother's or something and this was an in joke for parents.

Being a parent makes it no different to any other inconsiderate people really, other than the fact that this is what they're teaching their children too.

Yesterdaywasntreal · 07/01/2023 11:14

Headphone should be mandatory for all devices.

Strugglingtodomybest · 07/01/2023 11:15

It's so rude and anti-social. If your child doesn't like wearing headphones, tough. Either they wear them or they don't get the tablet. If they kick off, you deal with it. They'll soon learn. I'd be totally behind any parent dealing with that tantrum on the bus or train, you'd only be getting sympathetic looks from me.

mikado1 · 07/01/2023 11:17

IlIlI · 07/01/2023 11:13

Same reason anybody inconsiderate does anything! If you don't think like them, you won't know why. I have asked some people like this before, they say it's a public place so everybody should expect noise... One was letting her child scream on the bus, very regular bus times so one would be there soon after if she'd got off to sort the child. She said "haha, well, I have to listen to this shit at home all day every day, why shouldn't other people" and nudged me in a jokey way as if I would agree since we're both mother's or something and this was an in joke for parents.

Being a parent makes it no different to any other inconsiderate people really, other than the fact that this is what they're teaching their children too.

I don't think anyone with a tantrumming child should have to get off a bus, though they might choose to. Listening to that is completely different imo as one is just life and the other deliberately, and avoidable, inconsiderate.

Alexandernevermind · 07/01/2023 11:17

I disagree with headphones for a very young child, it switches them off from the world and tunnels them into the screen. It's a little annoying to hear Dora the Explorer on repeat, but so is listening to some people. The parent should have turned down the volume.

ncpostingabout · 07/01/2023 11:20

It's rude as fuck and yet again parents that feel entitled to do what they want because they have kids. So many parents feel entitled like this sadly

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/01/2023 11:21

I'm torn on this. I never gave DS screens when he was tiny (I would give him limited Nintendo time on a long train journey now at 7). But when I remember the fidgeting and flailing and whining and twisting and squirming and total unwillingness to engage in a game of I Spy or look at a book together, or all the lovely things Mumsnet recommends... I think if I were doing it again, I would give him my phone on low volume. Every passenger within a 5 seat radius would thank me.

meetmynewusername · 07/01/2023 11:22

Soakitup37 · 07/01/2023 11:06

A slippery slope!? Oh please! Let’s just make a huge blanket statement you can’t back up with such tosh! How young? Self regulate what?

Show quote history

Regulate everything. Attention, emotions, behaviour.

Well adults can usually manage to inhibit the urge to scream and cry when annoyed. We learn this through experience of having needed to as children. This is not much fun for children or their parents (those nasty looks we get from strangers are part of the process) but it is necessary for children to learn delayed gratification and how to behave in a socially appropriate manner.

Screens are just the mother of all distractions and so they bypass this process. So the learning isn’t happening as effectively or as quickly.

bellac11 · 07/01/2023 11:24

This is why, expensive as it is, I will continue to run and use a car while I have the capacity to do that, no matter what charges are put in place to try to encourage people onto public transport

I cant stand the rudeness and anti social behaviour