Friend is having an affair both are married.

[Themind]

My friend has been married to her husband for 10 years two girls age 8 and 5. As far as I am aware no particular issues with their marriage we have been friends for about 6 years and re quite close. Husband seems like a nice guy but I don't know him as well. I was aware about two years ago she'd had a fling but it had allegedly ended before she'd told me. My husband and I went to the theatre yesterday and ther she was with the man she'd had the fling with earlier. She realised I'd seen her and looked shocked but sat down so I didn't approach. Queue a phone call this morning and several others throughout the day begging me noto to say anything to her husband. She confessed that she had never ended it with him first time round and had carried on cheating. He has lots of money wife doesn't understand him all the usual tripe and he won't leave because his wife will be entitled to half his cash.
She loves him apparently and would leave her husband in a heart beat. Please tell me what to do? I have a incline to walk away and never talk to her again, my husband suggested give her an ultimatum and tell her that if she doesn't tell him I will. I'm scared to death that I wouldn't want to be responsible for ruining their girls lives but ultimately she has cheated her husband and children hasn't she? I'd rather know I I was her husband.
Any ideas welcome, I hate this.

Keep out of it, not your monkey as a previous poster said.

if you can’t cope with the knowledge end the friendship. Simples.

PS no one knows what’s going on behind closed doors in anyone else’s marriage,

I agree but I don’t think we’re thinking of the same people.

Same.

If her husband was a closebfreind too it might be different but in this case I wouldn't say anything other and try to support and understamd where my friend. You can do that.with out condoning what she's doing.

Blooming typos!! Sorry!

other than try to support and understand where my friends head is.

Keep out if it, I have known somebody who has been seeing someone who is married for over 20 years, it produced a child and ended her marriage but he stayed with his wife and continued the affair. I don’t like it but not my place to get involved.

I wouldn't have ever considered telling her husband. Your loyalties lie with your friend.

You have no idea of what goes on in her marriage and her reasons for pursuing an affair. She's your friend. Disregard her affair, it's none of your business.

None of your business.
No reason to end the friendship unless she tries to drag you into it.

I'm amazed at the number of people saying stay out of it, don't tell him, you won't be thanked.

Most thread on here go the other way when a woman is being cheated on, with many saying they'd want to know if their husband was cheating, so of course you should tell her.

Seems like quite a double standard percentage wise.

Agree

I would end the friendship and tell her husband you saw her at theatre with another man.

I'm amazed by this thread as when someone catches man cheating nearly everyone says you should tell the wife.

She'd be ditched as a friend by me. Horrible bitch and her cheating partner deserve each other.

Nah, my loyalty wouldn’t lie with someone who shits on their own doorstep.

This

31 years ago, when asked by my then best friend if I thought her husband was cheating, I said yes, said I’d been wondering about telling her.

he hotly denied it, I was made out a liar, she believed him. She ditched me.

7 years later I got a tearful phone call, he was leaving her, and yes he’d lied, and yes, he been having an affair for those seven years !

an awful difficult decision you have to bear.

If it was me married to a cheat, I would be really really grateful

so would loads of others

If it was him playing away while she was at home with the kids you would all think different.

Im in the ditch her and tell him camp, his life is at a stalemate and he's fixing to be dropped like a hot shit and he doesn't even know it!

Do nothing. It may be difficult to keep her as a friend though, especially if she thinks you're now a confidante. I'd lose her; she'll cause you problems if you don't.

If my Dh were cheating I'd want to know, the humiliation of knowing others knew but said nothing would be awful as well as the betrayal. I can't believe so many women advocate keeping this kind of secret. Tell the husband ditch the friend. She made her bed.

That is so craven. Do it or don't but don't drag your husband into it and pretend it's all his decision and his doing so you can hide behind him. That's almost as bad as an anonymous note.

So then your loyalty is with the husband who you barely know? And you’d land a friend in it without knowing the ins and outs of her marriage. Great friend.

No way I would tell her husband. It wouldn't change my view of her either.

A vote for ultimatum for her to tell him. Be prepared that if you end up telling him he maybe won’t want to hear it. and friendship will be over.

As far as I am aware no particular issues with their marriage...Husband seems like a nice guy but I don't know him as well.

That's all you need to consider...the only people who know what is going on in their marriage are the people in it. It's absolutely none of your business.

I think it's completely reasonable to say to her you don't want to hear anything about it or have any involvement in the situation, and obviously if you feel you really can't continue the friendship that's your prerogative.

I think I would have to have a conversation with my friend about how it feels to be cheated on.
Then ask her not to involve you in her lies, and distance yourself.
I had an affair about 30 years ago with a work colleague; people at work knew and they were put in an awkward position when my then DP came to a works 'do'. None of them said anything, but I was persona non grata for quite a while. I deserved it - I behaved very badly.

OP said “my husband suggested give her an ultimatum and tell her that if she doesn't tell him I will” - her DH is making the decision.