Friend is having an affair both are married.

[Themind]

My friend has been married to her husband for 10 years two girls age 8 and 5. As far as I am aware no particular issues with their marriage we have been friends for about 6 years and re quite close. Husband seems like a nice guy but I don't know him as well. I was aware about two years ago she'd had a fling but it had allegedly ended before she'd told me. My husband and I went to the theatre yesterday and ther she was with the man she'd had the fling with earlier. She realised I'd seen her and looked shocked but sat down so I didn't approach. Queue a phone call this morning and several others throughout the day begging me noto to say anything to her husband. She confessed that she had never ended it with him first time round and had carried on cheating. He has lots of money wife doesn't understand him all the usual tripe and he won't leave because his wife will be entitled to half his cash.
She loves him apparently and would leave her husband in a heart beat. Please tell me what to do? I have a incline to walk away and never talk to her again, my husband suggested give her an ultimatum and tell her that if she doesn't tell him I will. I'm scared to death that I wouldn't want to be responsible for ruining their girls lives but ultimately she has cheated her husband and children hasn't she? I'd rather know I I was her husband.
Any ideas welcome, I hate this.

Nothing to do with you, keep out of it. These things always come out in the end.

I wouldn’t tell the husband but it would probably be the end of the friendship for me. This isn’t a mistake she’s made, it’s a long term thing and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone so deceitful.

I would stay out of it.

This. Please don't do anything else

I would tell the husband and never speak to her again.

If you did issue an ultimatum like you say in your first post then you would be behaving like a snake so I can see why someone called you that.

Its none of your business.

Either decide to stay friends or not but other than that, YABU to get involved

Absolutely none of your business, keep your nose right out of it.

Her husband is not a friend of yours.

Whether you choose to remain friends with her, IS completely up to you.

I’d stay out of it if I were you. By all means tell her you disagree with her behaviour and cool the friendship but it’s not your business to tell the DH. I’d maybe feel differently if the DH was also a close friend or a family member but not in the scenario you describe.

My wife had a ONS, and the OM's wife caught them. She gave her an ultimatum: you tell him, or I will. So my wife confessed to me.
I'll always be grateful to the OM's wife for taking that stance.
We're divorced now, after she strayed a second time.

Nowt to do you at all really
She may well be doing this with his blessing for all you know

I wouldn’t assume to know the ins and outs of her marriage. And I’d just keep out of it.
I wouldn’t end the friendship over it. I’d talk to her and try and understand. She’s your friend after all.

I’d want to know if it was me. I think people getting cheated on deserve to know.

This.

If you tell her husband you are betraying your friend for someone you don’t really know. My loyalty would be with my friend. But then I’m not particularly judgy.

I would also tell the wife of the other cheater if I could find her.
Cheaters deserve to be outed.
You wouldn't be destroying anyone's life, you will actually be doing them all a favour.

The children are in a dysfunctional home and when it comes out they will be hurt and their relation with that parent will be damaged. We always say on here how children are so aware, well then!

The wife and husband might decide to stay even after knowing about the cheating. At least they will have a chance to restart the marriage afresh and work on it with transparency.

If they divorce, well then all the better. Now they are free to shag around as they wish.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

Your silence when you know all this is contributing to her affair. Even if the husband isn't your mate or brother, he deserves to know.
Your friend didnt have loyalty or respect for you when she lied to you. So why should you have loyalty for the friendship?

Cheaters reading this thread will be shitting themselves and telling you not to out her. I'm sure some will also make it out that they were the cheated on and would have rather not known just like I can say I'm a 2 legged centipede online. Op, you posted this because you know in your conscience he deserves to know. So ignore the noise and tell him.

I'm so glad that someone told me xh was cheating on me.

When you find out, part of the pain is knowing that people knew and kept it from you. I couldn't feel the same about any of them after that.

So yes I would tell her dh and I would end the friendship. This is not a mistake or a regretted ONS. This is betrayal, deception and making her dh look like a fool.

That cheater could be giving him diseases. Where is his consent about exclusivity? He's stuck with the kids while she's trotting around parading her scum affair partner.

She only considers you a friend when it suits her, she lied to you about the affair just like she lies to her husband. She will say and do whatever to serve her own ends. Why should she get away free? She brought everything on to herself if her husband leaves her and I hope he does.

Only you can make the decision whether you tell the husband or not.
I'd be very cautious re the friend though if you choose not to say anything, as she may think it's you accepting/approving of what she's doing. If she thinks that, you could easily get dragged into her 'cover' whilst she's with her OM.

Not exactly keeping in private going to the theatre though

I'd just end the friendship with the advice she should tell her husband.

I’d mind my own business and I would still be her friend. Life is messy, no one’s perfect.

I agree with you @Insomnia23

Did her fancy man realise they'd been spotted? If so, he'll probably shit the bed and bin her soon.

Don't tell the husband, there's a good chance he already knows and won't thank you for it.

And yet you'd all want to know if it was your husband playing away.

I would tell him.

What did they think would happen when they went out to a public event as a couple….?