To have absolutely lost my cool at teen.

[BABYASLEEP]

I'm at home today with 1.5year old DS and 14 year old DSS. Husband at work.

DS is being a bugger at the moment, not sleeping great and a whirlwind during the day so by the time his nap time comes about mid day I'm absolutely desperate for the peace and quiet for an hour.

Anyway, I can't explain the amount of times I have BEGGED DSS to keep it down in his room on his games console whilst DS is asleep. Every time I go in first and say X is having a sleep now please just be mindful and I'd say at least 80% of the time he'll wake DS up at some point shouting at his games or with his friends.

Anyway, really REALLY needed DS to have a sleep today as didn't sleep great last night and he's also got a bit of a cold type thing so grouchy as hell.

Same thing happened, asked DSS to keep it down whilst DS slept and within 10 mins he's woken DS up who won't go back to sleep.

I absolutely lost my cool and shouted at DSS that this was his fault and why can't he just do as he's told. He got upset and is sulking in his room now. I'm downstairs with DS feeling fucking frazzled.

I'm so sick of it, I feel like unplugging the WiFi whenever DS naps now so he can't play his games anymore if he can't just keep it down. I don't expect silence but just no screeching and shouting!!

YABU to have left it to the point where you lose your cool.
You should have nipped this in the bud long ago, be thar wifi off or telling his father you’re not here to babysit him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Again, I apologise for my ignorant comment. My daughter has gone back this week, we are in Hampshire, I have never know schools going back any later than the 3rd or 4th January! But obviously they do. So sorry.

@doodlepoodlenoodle

apologies, I hadn't seen the posts to you ir your apology!

I need to learn to read the whole thread first before commenting. Trouble is I forget who I want to reply to these data. Menopause is a bitch!!

Totally within your rights to explain this to him
Because you cannot keep quiet during nap time, wifi is going off for 2 hours. And if you carry on waking him up by being inconsiderate it will go off for another hour!

how did he react when you lost your cool?

Tbh i'd have just switched off the electricity to his room (not sure if all houses have that, i can just choose which breaker switch to click off) for the time of the nap.

And/or tell your DH that if he is working during his contact time, he has to make arrangements for DSS to be elsewhere? or entertained during naptime?

Headphones?

Headphones doesn't stop the screaming at their mates... just switch it off for 2 hours and get some peace

Annoying but the majority of the time your DSS will be at school. Does he have to stay at yours in school holidays?

Both his parents are at work annoyingly. Schools round here seem to have gone back really late this year.

Call him down for a chat and cup of tea/energy drink. Have you actually spoken to him like a grown up, or laid it out to him?

“Look, I’m sorry I shouted at you. That wasn’t cool- but I don’t think you fully understand. You keep getting waking X. The baby needs to sleep, if the baby doesn’t sleep- they’re grumpy, they shout and I can’t get anything done. It also means they don’t sleep at night, so I don’t sleep at night. Baby naps are my only chance to get some chores done, or have a break. Do you understand that? You get to play games all day. I get this one hour!”

…

”Go enjoy your game and your Xmas hol, but please keep it down when X is sleeping. It would be incredibly kind of you and would make such a difference.”

If he still can’t keep it the fuck down after chatting to him like a grown up, then Wi-Fi gets cut off during nap times or console removed.

He is 14 preprogrammed to be a teen. The issue is the age gap. In his head it will be you had kid let me live life🤣

Have a quite word when everyone has had a good night sleep. To be fair no you are an adult you shouldn't lose it but you are human.

Maybe agree wifi off during nap and have a chat acknowledging that this could have been avoided by both of ye chatting.

It won't be a miracle but it is modeling behavior you want him to follow.

I'm in Hampshire & we're not back until next week, though admittedly independents.

besides that, why was the comment necessary? Does it make any difference to the OP's issue?

I think you were right to lose your cool. There’s only so many times you can ask nicely.
The trouble is when they’re ‘in’ these games they’re totally in them and have no thought or awareness whatsoever to what’s going on around them.
Is there anyway you can soundproof his room so the noise is minimised? Or anywhere in the house he can go with it (shed etc)?
If not the only other alternative is as others have said and turn the WiFi off. I’d tell him that in future because he can’t keep the noise down and you’ve asked too many times then it’s going off during nap time.

Tell DSS that if he disturbs DS’s nap time he is in charge of the toddler for an hour while you go upstairs….

I would be turning the WiFi off during nap time, he’s been told and he’s clearly not listening (or shutting up!). It’s preferable to what my initial urge would be which is cutting the plug off the console!

Tell him it's an ongoing rule from now that when your DS sleeps, he stays off it and will do till nap time has finished. He can use the time to eat, spend time with you or catch up on homework etc
It's non-negotiable and it starts now, it won't do him any harm to have a break anyway. And this comes from a former gaming mum whose lost her shit loads of times about the noise!

You know he won't stay quiet. Why are you still asking him instead of turning the game off at nap time?

I understand why you're annoyed but I don't think you're doing enough to put a stop to it.

Either turn the Wi-Fi off or refuse to have the games console in the house. He’s been warned.

Also, how close is his mother’s house? Could you tell him to go and play the game there during nap time? If he’s 14, surely he can be on his own for an hour or two?

Can’t he use headphones? Or is he yelling at the game as well / talking loudly?

Tbh I think some of it is understandable, I always feel sorry for older kids when new people come in and a new baby arrives and they are expected to make accommodations for the half sibling. I would never have chosen myself to have a baby in the house with a teen - it’s an incredibly difficult mix because of their very differing needs. I don’t thinks it’s very fair he’s expected to stay with you while you are caught up parenting a baby and his parents are off to work any more than it’s fair for them to expect you to try and deal with a baby and their teen at the same time.

Id be refusing to have him tbh and get his parents to share the childcare properly between them so he has good quality time with them while he is off school, rather than palmed off on you to play video games and be basically ignored and yelled at for noise.

He doesn't need baby sitting though, Can't he just stay at his mums while she's at work?

I have never had a step son so I don't know if that changes the dynamic but IMO you are perfectly justified in how you are feeling. I would absolutely turn off the wifi when your little one naps. Turning off the wifi at times is what kept our house from imploding.

YABU, talk about making the step son feel unwelcome. I find that really sad, he is your Partner's/husband's son. I have friends with a 16 year old daughter and two younger siblings who are 5 and 2 she is my friends step daughter no way would she always expect the teenager to compromise and I can't believe people are advising you to tell his Dad to tell him he can't live with you or is unwelcome, he is still just 14- how horrible.

Send him home, he's 14 not 4. He doesn't respect you enough to listen to you.

How is it always him being expected to compromise? It's being asked to keep the noise down for ONE HOUR during the day, is it really that much to ask?!

And I've not said he can't live here either.

A Games console is a fairly typical thing to play with at 14, should the baby be denied it's age appropriate shape sorter - of course not so why is it ok to deny the other child stuff. Again, unkind advice.