To have absolutely lost my cool at teen.

[BABYASLEEP]

I'm at home today with 1.5year old DS and 14 year old DSS. Husband at work.

DS is being a bugger at the moment, not sleeping great and a whirlwind during the day so by the time his nap time comes about mid day I'm absolutely desperate for the peace and quiet for an hour.

Anyway, I can't explain the amount of times I have BEGGED DSS to keep it down in his room on his games console whilst DS is asleep. Every time I go in first and say X is having a sleep now please just be mindful and I'd say at least 80% of the time he'll wake DS up at some point shouting at his games or with his friends.

Anyway, really REALLY needed DS to have a sleep today as didn't sleep great last night and he's also got a bit of a cold type thing so grouchy as hell.

Same thing happened, asked DSS to keep it down whilst DS slept and within 10 mins he's woken DS up who won't go back to sleep.

I absolutely lost my cool and shouted at DSS that this was his fault and why can't he just do as he's told. He got upset and is sulking in his room now. I'm downstairs with DS feeling fucking frazzled.

I'm so sick of it, I feel like unplugging the WiFi whenever DS naps now so he can't play his games anymore if he can't just keep it down. I don't expect silence but just no screeching and shouting!!

That’s disturbing in itself!

That was my question.

Why have you got him?

Loosing control makes it sound like it was a tirade and clearly it wasn't like that. I raised my voice probably and said one word and then felt terrible about it because he was 4 and I should have felt terrible about it. In the context of the thread I was trying to suggest that's how the OP's husband should feel not have normalised it to the point of saying it all the time.

Ah, so not “shout” just raise your voice?

and felt terrible about it. But did it again.

the sweet passage of time

My point is @Goldenbear

we will all help you off your high horse

I can imagine shouting at my teen DSS or DS for waking my baby by shouting during faking despite repeatedly being asked not to. As can many posters on this thread.

I don’t think I ever “shouted” “shut up” at my 4 year old though.

Each to their own and no judgement here.
It would be nice if the same could be said of you @Goldenbear

The above was response to Goodgrief82

Who appears to have derailed the thread to make it about my posting history. Mind you seen as you have meticulously trawled my posts since 2006 to try and quote me out of context, you would see that there isn't much else to find as I've never changed my position on my outlook which is to try and not be authoritarian in any way, I've always been opposed to spiteful teaching kids a lesson harshness in my eyes. You will know from your little investigations that is the case to the point of me openly admitting I fell short of that standard by saying shut up to my 4 year old in 2012. I am using it as an example of being crap as well you know.

I raised my voice probably and said one word and then felt terrible about it because he was 4

But it's OK to repeatedly berate a poor woman at the end of her tether, is it? Who is terminally sleep deprived with a little one of her own?

Spread that compassion out a little! The teenager will cope.

Who appears to have derailed the thread to make it about my posting history.

this made me chuckle

Knowing the impact on my son wasn't to be upset like in the OPs teenager's case then yes, I probably didn't shout the word but if I did then I've literally said it was awful to shout and as you keep missing out in the context of the 2012 thread how anyone can normalise shouting is beyond me as I did it as one offs and felt terrible. In the CONTEXT of the thread in 2012 how anyone can shout all the time at a 2 year old in conversation level is beyond me but no it seems I'm not as perfect as you who would never do so or certainly not admit it anyway to demonstrate how shit it is!!

The irony that a woman berating a poster for daring to tell off her stepson off for waking a baby, is actually someone who repeatedly told a four year old to shut up! I know which thing I would have rather done!

I’ll leave other posters to take their own view @Goldenbear

I am pretty sure of my view though! 😂

And if you shout “shut up” at your 4 year old son … makes one wonder how you’d engage with a 14 year old DSS doesn’t it?

Prinny, I didn't berate - I said I don't think she should have done it as shouting is awful, or is awful and that's exactly why I said how terrible I felt on that thread. All my other threads have a sentiment of being better than a shouty authoritarian parent, swing towards gentle parenting, no naughty corner, no controlled crying. I have intervened in shops a couple of times when fairly scary father's have been physically assaulting their kids, others looked on. I think teenagers are viewed as easy scapegoats often as they look like young adults and so shouting won't upset them or is not unkind it is ok but it just isn't and the dynamic of step son feeling unwantwd even more so is what I'm addressing as I said I was responding more to the horrible advice on how to treat him but some posters seem determined to twist that.

Goodgrief82, you have quoted out of context which has worked as mislead others - you seem a bit obsessed with me, I find that uncomfortable tbh.

I would urge others to read the full quote and context then

@Goldenbear - I think you have well and truly lost your argument, perhaps you should consider bowing out gracefully now...

also consider that teenager are not a homogenous group who require only one parenting style (ie: yours), other methods are available which might better suit some families.

But I did
and i came to the conclusion that you are a quite epic hypocrite!

Now I’ve got to cook a cottage pie so I’ll let you wallow @Goldenbear

Inastatus if all the posters saying the OP is fine to shout at the teenager to the point of upset and not feel an ounce of remorse are going to tell me I've lost my argument, that's not going to b a real surprise is it? How have I lost my argument if my argument is shouting is wrong, it is wrong as I said on the other thread. As I said again and again in a thread where the DH has normalised shouting at his 2 year old. I say no it is not normal and to prove that I feel that we have shouted at our 4 year old the words 'shut up' 4 times, I can count them on my hand not that he showed upset as he was/is adored, and those 4 times felt terrible so no it is not normal not ok! Is the DsS adored by the oP or is the context important here is the step son in the way so that's why he felt more wounded by her words. CONTEXT is everything but some posters just don't understand the term.

Goodgrief82 no you didn't I pulled you up on your misleading quote and then you added it as you became unstuck.

Look I don't agree with you that shouting at a teenager a child is good practice, you'll just have to accept an opposing view and not do advanced creepy searches to prove your point. This is definitely OTT. AIBU has opposing views that's the point of it, it doesn't necessitate you going over people's posting history to prove your point especially when you have to resort to misquoting to do so. Why can't I have my opinion on it we live in a democracy and don't all think the same.

Goodgrief82 'wallow', wrong word choice there, are you actually going to cook a 'cottage pie' or are you bowing out as you know you've quoted out of context, I will do an advanced search on you to see if you are posting on other threads and lying about the cottage pie. Then again that rings true as if the most excitement you'll get today is making a cottage pie then I can see why your carrying out advanced searches for your own amusement. As is said, bizarre!

Goodgrief82, also, why are referencing my partner(husband) from your little searches. Talk about personal. What has my husband's behaviour which I assume you have got from a thread about an incident of him being unreasonable and demanding when I had a newborn got to do with this thread and why are using his behaviour against me?

I mean I could be wrong

bur as far as I know… I have never berated an OP for making a cottage pie when indeed I have done so. Twice in the past and a much bigger portion than the OP

but perhaps your AS will prove otherwise 😂

Ps the cottage pie is indeed the most excitement of my day today. It sure as heck wasn’t wasn’t DS play rugby in the pissing rain or cleaning the bathroom!

Well the reason he's there with her is that 'both parents work' so the implication IS that she's 'looking after him' otherwise 'both parents work' would be irrelevant.