To have absolutely lost my cool at teen.

[BABYASLEEP]

I'm at home today with 1.5year old DS and 14 year old DSS. Husband at work.

DS is being a bugger at the moment, not sleeping great and a whirlwind during the day so by the time his nap time comes about mid day I'm absolutely desperate for the peace and quiet for an hour.

Anyway, I can't explain the amount of times I have BEGGED DSS to keep it down in his room on his games console whilst DS is asleep. Every time I go in first and say X is having a sleep now please just be mindful and I'd say at least 80% of the time he'll wake DS up at some point shouting at his games or with his friends.

Anyway, really REALLY needed DS to have a sleep today as didn't sleep great last night and he's also got a bit of a cold type thing so grouchy as hell.

Same thing happened, asked DSS to keep it down whilst DS slept and within 10 mins he's woken DS up who won't go back to sleep.

I absolutely lost my cool and shouted at DSS that this was his fault and why can't he just do as he's told. He got upset and is sulking in his room now. I'm downstairs with DS feeling fucking frazzled.

I'm so sick of it, I feel like unplugging the WiFi whenever DS naps now so he can't play his games anymore if he can't just keep it down. I don't expect silence but just no screeching and shouting!!

Nanny0gg, talk about dramatic. I would apologise for shouting as you are not modelling good behaviour.

A 14 year old should have remembered this simple instruction. I'd turn the Wi-Fi off for those times and explain you gave him lots of chances.

How is it a massive over-reaction to suggest turning off the wifi for a short time after due warning, when OP has asked him numerous times to keep it quiet and he has ignored her?

Why do you keep ignoring questions about your posts?

He's having to keep things quiet for around an hour whilst the baby sleeps. It's hardly having to tiptoe around him all the time, is it?

Kids can get a bit carried away when gaming, he probably just forgets. My son is much older and is a really good lad but he can still get loud when he’s gaming with friends.

When you know it’s nap time, I’d get the older one to have a break from gaming for an hour, he should be having breaks anyway. Get him to make some lunch, send him to the shop for some chocolate or something.

I would say that turning off the Wi-Fi for an hour while the baby sleeps isn’t punitive - it is natural consequences, @Goldenbear. And it really is not going to damage him to be without his console for an hour, or to have to learn a bit of consideration for other people.

It sounds as if @BABYASLEEP has tried and tried to get him to keep the noise down while the baby naps, but it hasn’t worked, so she needs to try something else.

SnowlayRoundabout well a) I'm not ignoring posts addressed to me b) i haven't started the thread and I'm not answerable to you or anyone. Hope that's satisfactory.

It is on overaction to shout at a 14 year old about behaving like a 14 year old on a computer game. Computer games where that have deliberately been designed the to be used in this over excited way! That's why it is better to look at the context and discuss it calmly.

I have 3 step DC who live with us FT, teenagers aged 16-19, and honestly I get it.

They can be so loud and inconsiderate.

But that’s because their brains aren’t fully developed yet. They’re self absorbed but they don’t get how annoying that is to people around them. I find it helps to remind myself of that before talking to them.

I also think it’s okay for them to see that actions have consequences, so occasionally losing your rag doesn’t make you a terrible step parent 🤷‍♀️ but on the few occasions when I’ve lost my shit I have apologised to them for that. I’d apologise for the reaction in your case too but also explain that you have asked a number of times for an hour of quiet (which really isn’t an unreasonable request) and say that there are no more chances now and if it happens again the wifi will be turned off 🤷‍♀️

'Oh but it's his home. You have to let him do whatever he wants, whenever he wants....'

No you don't. He hasn't shelled out top dollar for a serviced villa with half a dozen personal servants on call at all times. He's in your home, and there's three other people with needs to consider. He fits in around you, and acts like a civilised individual.

The problem here is that you've had a second familymassive age gap. So the teenager can't behave normally and it having to tiptoe around the baby in the school holidays.
He's not really doing anyone wrong he's just being excitable playing with his friends. Your baby will do the same.

If there wasn't a baby, some teens live with a grandparent who might need an afternoon nap, or a family member who's ill. It's called family life. No one is entitled to live a life where they don't have to be considerate of anyone else's needs. It's hardly unreasonable to expect a teenager to keep the noise down for ONE HOUR a day.

Yes, he probably has poor impulse control when he's in the moment. That's why OP needs to help him by removing the temptation (turning off the wifi during that hour).

I don't let my kids shout while gaming and we have no babies in the house. From the very beginning, if they shout it goes off and that's it. They learn not to shout. It's really not an inevitable or uncontrollable thing. I do it because I can't bear shouting and teaching empathy and consideration for others is really important. Teenagers are hard wired to be self absorbed but they aren't incapable, they really aren't. I would never tolerate this - a condition of having a console is using it responsibly. (Obviously it would be different with a ND teen but similarly, i have a medical condition that makes noise extremely painful). Turn off the WiFi and he will learn.

Just turn the wifi off. I've shouted at my own teenagers for making noise and disturbing me (no babies involved) and I've turned the wifi off when I've wanted them to tidy their rooms etc.

They don't seem to hate me for these things.

I don't treat them any differently to how I treated my stepchildren as teens (except there was no wifi back then. oh god, I'm so old, and that was only back in the early 2000s!)

SpaceshiptoMars it's not just the OP's home though it's the teenage son's home that due to the age gap, natural teenage behaviour as making him appear an irritation.

EverybodyAgrees you sound strict and inflexible. It is not even shouting it is speaking loudly and excitedly. Teenagers are exuberant, no thanks to beating that energy out of them! Also, shouting at them to stop shouting is what most people would refer to as hypocrisy!

There’s no need to turn off the WiFi. Just tell him he’ll be having a break when his brother needs to sleep for an hour as you need the house to be quiet.

Huge back story?

I asked some questions

not relevant to you

but… relevant to my view on the issue

*If there wasn't a baby, some teens live with a grandparent who might need an afternoon nap, or a family member who's ill. It's called family life. No one is entitled to live a life where they don't have to be considerate of anyone else's needs. It's hardly unreasonable to expect a teenager to keep the noise down for ONE HOUR a day.

Yes, he probably has poor impulse control when he's in the moment. That's why OP needs to help him by removing the temptation (turning off the wifi during that hour).*

Yes that's true I suppose. I have to tell my teen to pipe down when he's playing, but I also realise that's it's not deliberate and he's just getting excited.

Blimey, asking people not to shout out in the house (for any reason!) is not controlling.

He can go outside and shout with his friends to his little heart's content.

Well, in my case we've all survived and we have a pretty good relationship now they're married with their own families

The consequences would be the same for everyone in my house.

I asked you directly "How is turning it off for an hour "severe action"? And where does OP ever suggest she wants to get rid of him?" - both things you suggested. After you suggested she should take her stepson out, I asked you how she could do that if the younger child was asleep. You don't have to answer, of course, but (a) I'm entitled to ask since you keep coming back to make similar points and (b) it's clearly incorrect to say that you aren't ignoring posts addressed to you.

You're quite selective in talking about OP's reaction. Shouting at her DSS didn't come out of the blue, it's in the context of his having ignored numerous perfectly reasonable requests on her part. To suggest that a 14 year old can't control his response to a computer game when asked, if necessary by turning it off and doing something else, is a massive generalisation. OP has obviously tried to discuss it calmly, it hasn't worked.

@GoldenCupidon

your children must be absolutely gamed obsessed and tied to their devices if you regard turning off the WiFi for an hour as severe action

Sorry the above was for @Goldenbear

Surgically attached, perhaps 😂 although not funny if they are still living with you at 50 ,and ignore your cries when you fall and break your hip. Until they finally emerge, expecting dinner on the table.

Goodgrief82, I think you are being deliberately obtuse as it is clear that my comments are intended to be understood in the context OP finds herself in. Switching of the WiFi is not severe but following some of the advice of other PPs on how to treat him is severe. His Dad has a new baby, his step Mum shouts at him for shock horror a baby crying and punishing him by switching off the WiFi with no pre warning or attempts at negotiation in that context seems rash and franky just spiteful. I think in that context this old tripe American style, do as I say not as I do parent style is harsh and simply unnecessary.

Far from it I'm afraid to disappoint you, he is out and about loads as gaming is not a massive thing in our area at his age. They are in to music, parties, socialising Equally, my DS is going to study politics at A level and asked for three politics books for Christmas - sorry this doesn't live up to your oh so funny description.