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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

381 replies

AmberAndAlexsMum · 06/01/2023 05:54

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

OP posts:
kiwiiem · 06/01/2023 05:59

Tell him he should take it up with his employer if he wants to complain to anyone about not being paid. He’s got nothing to gain by moaning at you and you’ve got nothing to gain by responding when he does.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 06/01/2023 06:00

He's stating a fact though. I'm not sure I'd class it as emotional blackmail?
Can you ask to change drivers if this bothers you?

LaLuz7 · 06/01/2023 06:01

I wouldn't go as far as calling it emotional blackmail. He's allowed to complain.

Ignore him? Or tell him "I'm sorry, ilI realise that it's frustrating for you, but this is out of my control, so bringing it up again and again will not accomplish anything"

How often are we speaking? What percentage of rides are usually canceled?

PronounsBaby · 06/01/2023 06:02

That's really not great. I think you should be upfront with him (if your son has an escort for the journey too) and say something along the lines of 'that's the reality of these contacts'. It's a hell of a lot more stable then not having these lucrative council contracts and he should not be moaning to you. If he continues ask for a different driver.

Shoxfordian · 06/01/2023 06:02

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watchfulwishes · 06/01/2023 06:07

YANBU. Is texting him direct the usual way to contact - he doesn't work for a firm?

I often go ultra polite when people piss me off and I might reply 'Oh, I quite understand, would you prefer I ask the council for a different driver to be allocated so that you are free to do other work? There is no way I can guarantee every day due to complex needs, as you know, and I think the driver we use needs to understand that'.

He is being unprofessional IMO, he knows that taxi driving is unreliable work, it is the nature of the business.

You presumably do have the option of discussing this with whoever pays - or did you pick the driver yourself?

Also, cop out but sometes easier, do you have a male partner who could take over the taxi comms? Bet they'd get less shit.

SummerInSun · 06/01/2023 06:07

I've got sympathy with the driver - presumably he is not accepting other bookings for the time he takes your son in. If you then cancel that morning, he's lost the chance to earn the income. For lots of services, they'd still make you pay for cancelling appointments at short notice. If this is happening once a month, he should live with it, but if it's once every week I think he's entitled to a proportionate fee for you having reserved his time but not using it.

The alternative is your ring every morning to try to book a taxi and you might not always get one at the time you want....

Zanatdy · 06/01/2023 06:07

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fajitaaaa · 06/01/2023 06:09

How many times has this happened?

CWeed · 06/01/2023 06:11

Well, he is pulling on the strings of your heart making you feel bad about it. You have a child with SEN so much so that the council pays for their travel.

Cancellations are expected with a child or person with additional needs for a variety of reasons. Cancellations are frequent and expected by the nature of the circumstances, needs and vulnerabilities of the service users. This is an issue he should take up with the employer but he chooses to whinge to you about it because you're the mother, it's easier for him and quicker to go straight to you for a moan instead of properly speaking to his employer and challenging his pay conditions. It's very unprofessional of him. I would let his employer know what he said to you.

I would also change drivers if possible just because of any bad feelings.

autienotnaughty · 06/01/2023 06:12

Firstly ignore any one who thinks your son is responsible for making sure the taxi driver gets paid!

Id reply and suggest they speak to council but that you can not help if your son is unable to attend. If it continues I'd speak to council and request a different driver.

WandaWonder · 06/01/2023 06:14

Sure there is no need for him to say this but emotional blackmail?

Tell him to complain to his boss or ignore him

It does not need some emotional thinking saga

watchfulwishes · 06/01/2023 06:15

Firstly ignore any one who thinks your son is responsible for making sure the taxi driver gets paid! Quite.

Bournetilly · 06/01/2023 06:17

That’s not emotional blackmail.
It must be annoying for him but it’s also not your fault.

LouLou789 · 06/01/2023 06:25

The driver will not work for the council, the council will be invoiced by a local taxi firm, who give the regular job to that particular driver, presumably to give consistency to your DS. Most drivers are self employed, even if they’re associated with a firm. It’s true that he will lose “your” money if your son does not go but even a late cancellation frees him up for other taxi jobs for him (on demand, booked through his office when other customers phone up and maybe even taxi jobs on spec such as outside the railway station, depending on what type of plate he has) My DH is a retired taxi driver, BTW.

If this happens again you need to speak to the firm that employs him (will be on a plate on his door) as this is very unprofessional behaviour. If the regular gig is removed from him and they allocate it to another driver he’ll be losing that money every single morning! I expect the firm has other drivers to whom they could give the job.

Itisbetter · 06/01/2023 06:27

It’s a really shitty bit if having a disabled child. You are expected to receive endless little comments about how others are negatively impacted by their disability with empathy and generously shoulder some of the frustration they feel. 🙄😠. It’s extraordinarily exhausting especially when the impact is likely to be ridiculously insignificant in comparison to the impact on your son or you.
I’d just say it’s the nature of his disability that he can’t attend every day so there’s not much either of you can do about it. Then cast him out of your mind because you and your lovely ds didn’t choose this and you deserve to live as happy a life as you can.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 06/01/2023 06:28

Contact the council who arrange and pay for the taxi. Tell them. Leave it with them.
They are the ones who need to deal with this, not you.
The financial arrangements are between the taxi firm/driver and the council department that actually pays, you are the "end user" so to speak.

Blackeyesbluetears · 06/01/2023 06:30

I'm a little puzzled about this. Op, I work with kids like your son (although not taxi service) through local authority contracting. Cancellations are expected due to the complex nature. Less than 24h notice and I get paid

DeliberatelyObtuse · 06/01/2023 06:30

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 06/01/2023 06:28

Contact the council who arrange and pay for the taxi. Tell them. Leave it with them.
They are the ones who need to deal with this, not you.
The financial arrangements are between the taxi firm/driver and the council department that actually pays, you are the "end user" so to speak.

I completely agree with this approach

Original poster
AmberAndAlexsMum · 06/01/2023 06:31

Thankyou all for your input. I do get too involved with such things and I appreciate all of your advice and comments

I'll be contacting the council today to request a different driver.

I called it emotional blackmail, because he started it by saying that he was going to lose all this money and struggle to pay bills.

OP posts:
Blackeyesbluetears · 06/01/2023 06:31

He should have the same deal. And if he's through a taxi company I'm wondering if the llocal authority are paying the company still - I bet they are

GalwayShawl · 06/01/2023 06:32

Is your son autistic OP! Mine is and I occasionally misses school through sleep issues

I’ve recently started giving him valerian root stress relief and it’s really helped him calm himself enough to sleep alongside the usual melatonin

id get a new taxi driver to be honest if he’s giving you grief.

MiddleParking · 06/01/2023 06:36

SummerInSun · 06/01/2023 06:07

I've got sympathy with the driver - presumably he is not accepting other bookings for the time he takes your son in. If you then cancel that morning, he's lost the chance to earn the income. For lots of services, they'd still make you pay for cancelling appointments at short notice. If this is happening once a month, he should live with it, but if it's once every week I think he's entitled to a proportionate fee for you having reserved his time but not using it.

The alternative is your ring every morning to try to book a taxi and you might not always get one at the time you want....

😂 the alternative is OP sticks with the contract she’s got, you clown

DoIWantThis · 06/01/2023 06:43

Not sure why he's calling you to complain. If the taxi firm has a contract with the council I believe they are paid regardless of wether or not the transport is used. If the taxi firm takes the money and only pays taxi drivers if they do the run, it's still not your problem. It's between them. Good luck OP - I hope today is a good day for both you and your son.

Doingmybest12 · 06/01/2023 06:44

Are you meant to text the driver directly? The driver shouldn't be telling you about issues to do with personal life, if not happy with the contract they need to take this up through the LA. I think you are right to raise this with SEN transport.

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