Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

[AmberAndAlexsMum]

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

He is wrong and unprofessional to put that on you. Surely he knows under the circumstances, as with ANY child, they don't always have 100% attendance! If it's cancelled that morning he should still be paid, but that's not your issue, that's for him to speak to his boss about.

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Taxis and escorts by the council are a standard way of getting children with complex needs to school.

You do realise that if the schools had to provide a mini bus (which wouldn’t work for many children with complex needs because the noise / children ratio would be unsuitable) this would also have to be funded by the council and extra staff paid for?

We live in Norfolk. Sen schools are spread far across the rural area. My son used to travel 25 miles each way to school with a taxi and escort. It picked up 3 other children on the way, the whole journey took 1 hour 20 mins each way. He did this from age 4-10. He’s now at a new school and it’s only 7 miles from us. Again, taxi and escort.

The taxi is organised by the sen section of the council.

Op the taxi driver should not be saying that to you. I think the council is actually probably still paying them to be honest.

How does he know you're empathic and don't like causing trouble?? Odd thing for a taxi driver to know. Either you're making a huge assumption or you've had conversations about yourself telling him personal details when he picks up your dc. To me that's opening up a door for him to be personal back - like not being able to pay bills.

Agree with the post above. I’d bet he is still being paid. The council are incredibly inefficient with money and pay for taxis and escorts even when they don’t show up. Also they pay more than a regular taxi but that’s another issue.

"Your son being too tired to get out of bed is costing him money" Have you read that OP"s son has special educational needs?

"Are tax payers really paying for a 25 mile taxi ride twice a day, 5 days a week"

Yes they are....lots of children and young people with SEN and disabilities have taxi transport provided by their LA's. Ds is 18 and has a taxi to his specialist college 20 miles away. It was the only placement that could meet his needs.

i cannot fathom how that is emotional blackmail? It must be very annoying for him and he is losing money.

The tax payers comment has really annoyed me actually. People do realise that each sen school placement costs at least approx £50-65k per year each pupil depending on the school right? And you’re sitting there moaning about a taxi? What are children like my son supposed to do? Spend their life in a completely unsuitable mainstream school just to keep “tax payers” happy? 🙄 People really don’t have a clue.

Agree with you about contacting your LA sen transport team. Our LA will still pay the taxi the cancellation is less than 24 hrs notice. The taxi driver needs to renegotiate his contract. However, that is not in your control. I don’t think 4 times of non attendance in term 1 sounds terrible. But if you think your son needs help managing his sleep, ask your GP or through the EHCP review if there any therapies that will help.

Sorry, meant to say if you haven’t already done so. Hope you and your son have a restful day. 💐

It isn't emotional blackmail but next time he texts you , reply that you'll sort it out with the taxi firm he works for . My late ex used to do what they call school runs and wouldn't have dreamt of contacting the customer direct .

I need to stop reading this thread as some of the responses are so infuriatingly ignorant.

Some are understanding and sympathetic of the situation, and then there's those who clearly have little or no understanding of SEN. Even asking how often he's been absent is accusatory. And irrelevant!

Op - yanbu. I agree with you contacting the council, as you either need a new driver or the current arrangement with the existing taxi driver needs to change. He should direct his guilt tripping at his employer, not you.

I bet if you were a dad the driver wouldn't guilt you like this. He's bullying you and being so outspoken with his moaning because he feels he can pressure you because you will be polite and #bekind. He doesn't seem to understand what SEN is.

If this type of work doesn't pay him well that's on him. It's not your job to contact the council and arrange for his pay, what a ludicrous idea! Your obligation is to look out for your child's welfare, not the driver's or his finances.

@AmberAndAlexsMum So many posters skim read your op and will rush to comment blaming you becauseit triggers them. You'll find that they or their partners are self employed and have been messed about for payment. Their situation is however very different to yours but they are typing from the angle of the bitter, poor unpaid self employed person. They come and tell you you're unreasonable. Please ignore them. Don't raise your blood pressure reading this codswallop bun fight. Perhaps even ask for the thread deleted because I can see it filling up with the usual mindless comments.

I sympathise with the driver but he is complaining to the wrong person. You can't do anything about it and his employer probably can.

Those people telling the OP to make a plan to get him to school for the sake of the driver- are you deliberately shit stirring or just a bit dim? First off you don't get council transport just because you fancy it and secondly if it were possible to make a plan to get him to school I'm quite sure the OP would have made one for her SON'S sake. Buzz off with your comprehension issues/ simplistic authority complexes.

That's a brilliant reply to the driver.

I obviously cant say for where you are, but i am friends with a taxi driver who has a similar contract with the council. The company that has the contract is paid to provide a driver each school day. They are paid whether the driver is used or not. So if he isn't being paid he needs to take it up with his employer not you. The young person my friend takes struggled a lot when they started and would regularly not attend. My friend was paid anyway as he had made himself available and potentially turned down work.

It’s not emotional blackmail, it’s just business. Money is tight for a lot of people. If he is relying on the money from those runs then I can see his point. I can see yours too, but the driver is better off seeking more reliable work and you’re better off looking for a driver who understands your situation and is ok with it.

That’s not on at all OP, if you let him know early, he can be available for other fares surely? What does he do out of term time?

For fuck sake. You're begrudging a child with SEN getting a taxi for their education? I thought we were meant to be a civilised society that looks after the vulnerable. Fucking hell. So many disablist comments, disgusting. I feel sorry for anyone with SEN or a loved one with it reading these attitudes.

Hiding it for my sanity.

YANBU. I think requesting a different driver is the right thing to do. And I don’t think other posters should be guilt tripping you, if the driver is dissatisfied with the terms of his contract he needs to raise that with whoever contracts him (whether that’s the council or the taxi firm). You aren’t paying him so it’s nothing to do with you and he should not be speaking to you about money, it’s hugely unprofessional.

Everyone saying it’s unfair to the driver - there is a case that his contract is unfair, there is a case that self employment is unfair, there is a case that capitalism is unfair, but none of this is the fault of OP or her son, stop guilt tripping them. I’m self employed and sometimes get cancelled last minute. It’s incredibly stressful. I would never call my clients up and tell them about my bills, I would never be offered work again.

If the driver is unhappy with the allocation the driver should have spoken to his employer. Not the OP.

He can change his situation, she can’t change her sons health.

He is not emotionally blackmailing you. That is unfair. I understand his frustration at thinking he has a job and will get paid for it only to discover at the last minute he actually doesn’t. I can see how losing that money that he was counting on is upsetting.
However he needs to take it up with his employers instead of you. It’s not your fault and his employers really need to realise that it is not his fault either. He is ready and willing to do the job and they should pay him accordingly.

I asked how often to try and gauge if this was a first time thing or if it has happened a lot in the last 6 months. Only because if it has happened a lot and it is only now the driver has said something I can understand why he may be concerned about the contract and his suitability for the role. I do not agree that he should be texting the OP and guilting her about it. Or that OP should even be put in this position.

That's not emotional blackmail. He's just telling you the truth.

Her son has SEN! I'm sure she would "just speak to him" if that would sort the problem out.
The taxi driver is being massively unreasonable as it's the council who pay and he should direct his frustration at them.

So many comments about how the driver / op shouldn’t be texting each other directly too - this is standard practice with sen contracts for this very reason (ie to be able to let the driver know if a child is going to be absent or to contact the parent if the driver is going to be late or there are issues). It is perfectly normal, standard practice. Taxis and escorts for sen contracts frequently operate outside of normal office hours - ie my sons used to collect him at 7.30am (he actually loved going in the taxi so the long journey didn’t bother him at all) so I had to have the drivers numbers incase I needed to let him know re sickness etc.