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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

381 replies

AmberAndAlexsMum · 06/01/2023 05:54

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 06/01/2023 08:21

Yerroblemom1923 · 06/01/2023 07:16

I'm with @Zanatdy. The driver is losing money and it's too short notice for him to get another job. I think it's down to you and your son to come up with a plan to ensure he gets to school every day.
There is no emotional blackmail. You might be feeling guilty but the driver is simply pointing out that he's losing money when you cancel.

Are you serious ?!

misssunshine4040 · 06/01/2023 08:23

wormshuffled · 06/01/2023 07:20

Do you work OP?

How would you feel? Similarly how would you feel if the lift cancelled at short notice?

The taxi firm don't have to take loci authority bookings. This is part of what comes with it.
People cancel taxis all the time.
OP sounds like she has a lot on her plate and being responsible for the taxi drivers income should not be an added burden

bigbluebus · 06/01/2023 08:24

Some of you are clueless about living with a child/young adult with SEN. I have been known to send DDs transport away as it pulled up outside, such was the unpredictability of her health.
The driver's problem is just that - his problem. Either he's working for a firm who have accepted this contract - including the non payment terms for cancellation, or they are getting paid and not passing on payment or your driver is an owner driver who accepted the terms himself - in which case he knew what they were and accepted them.

My response to him would be just "sorry about that, can't be helped".

He can choose to hand back the contract if it doesn't suit him, and find another job with guaranteed pay (which is not taxi driving).

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 06/01/2023 08:25

SummerInSun · 06/01/2023 06:07

I've got sympathy with the driver - presumably he is not accepting other bookings for the time he takes your son in. If you then cancel that morning, he's lost the chance to earn the income. For lots of services, they'd still make you pay for cancelling appointments at short notice. If this is happening once a month, he should live with it, but if it's once every week I think he's entitled to a proportionate fee for you having reserved his time but not using it.

The alternative is your ring every morning to try to book a taxi and you might not always get one at the time you want....

The flip side is he has a regular booking. The lack of payment when he is not used is not down to OP. It's down to his employer and the contract they signed up to.

And your alternative is a non starter. OPs son has the taxi as a reasonable alternative to public transport. I've never known a taxi driver on these kinds of contract get pissed off at the client's parents. They either accept the job knowing what it entails or they stop doing it because it doesn't suit them.

OP needs to do precisely what she is doing. To get another driver. The one her son currently has is not the right fit for the job.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/01/2023 08:27

The alternative is your ring every morning to try to book a taxi and you might not always get one at the time you want....

Thats one of the most snide comments I’ve ever seen on this subject.

Do you actually think those of us with children who get this service choose to have our kids at schools fucking miles away?

It’s not the parents fault there are no schools close that can cater for a our child’s needs.

Smartstuffed · 06/01/2023 08:30

Blackeyesbluetears · 06/01/2023 06:31

He should have the same deal. And if he's through a taxi company I'm wondering if the llocal authority are paying the company still - I bet they are

This was my thought too.

misssunshine4040 · 06/01/2023 08:30

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/01/2023 08:27

The alternative is your ring every morning to try to book a taxi and you might not always get one at the time you want....

Thats one of the most snide comments I’ve ever seen on this subject.

Do you actually think those of us with children who get this service choose to have our kids at schools fucking miles away?

It’s not the parents fault there are no schools close that can cater for a our child’s needs.

It's disgusting, same as the tax payers comment.
I don't have SEN children and I'm so shocked at some of the thinly veiled comments on this thread so I can only imagine how upset those who do are.

ImBlueDab · 06/01/2023 08:31

Tell him he needs to take it up with his employer.

Gatekeeper · 06/01/2023 08:31

Op the company will get paid from the council regardless if your son misses a day here and there as they have a contract , so if the taxi firm isnt passing this money on to him he needs to take it up with firm or council

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 06/01/2023 08:31

Of course it's emotional blackmail, the driver shouldn't be making any comments like that to the op, she's not the one responsible for paying him so she's not the one he should complain to. Being factual does not stop it being emotional blackmail.

DigitalTranny · 06/01/2023 08:33

AmberAndAlexsMum · 06/01/2023 05:54

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

Sounds like your son is all over the place, and his sleeping cycle is unhealthy. If I was the taxi driver I would pissed of too.

Sidge · 06/01/2023 08:33

It seems most posters on this thread have no idea of how SEN transport works.

The OP is not calling a taxi firm every day to take her son to college, it’s not Uber. The Local Authority contracts local taxi firms to transport young people to SEN schools. This may be a minibus or a car, with anything from 1 to 12 students carried. Sometimes a passenger assistant is needed if a student has medical issues that require close supervision or assistance.

These contracts are pretty lucrative. My daughters school taxi driver told me his contract (1 car, taking 4 children to and from daily) was worth upwards of £30k annually (term time only obviously). He was free to take other bookings outside of his school runs.

These firms should know that the children they transport are likely to have absences due to illness, hospital appointments, behaviour etc. That’s the nature of children with disabilities. The posters saying “just make him go” and “explain to him he’s making the taxi driver lose money” are just bloody ignorant.

If a taxi driver isn’t being paid if a child isn’t transported that’s between him and his company, as I am in no doubt that the LA pay a fixed rate and not per journey. He should in no way be emotionally blackmailing you - and yes it is emotional blackmail. His income and situation with the taxi firm is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

I would discuss it with the taxi firm and the LA. When I had problems with 2 drivers I fed it back to the taxi firm who didn’t give a shit, and then I involved the LA and their contract wasn’t renewed.

Try not to get involved. Just bounce it back to him every time he mentions it and say yes that must be frustrating, you need to take it up with your employer and I will discuss it with County.

GracieLouFreeebush · 06/01/2023 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😂 comedy post of the morning.

Fuck your son and his needs, there needs to be more understanding for the person without the SEN or having to care for someone with them.

I don’t think people understand the severity of needs to be able to get a place in an SEN provision, you’ve got bigger things to worry about than the taxi. I would instead contact the taxi office to cancel so you don’t have to have this unnecessary battle.

Sidge · 06/01/2023 08:36

DigitalTranny · 06/01/2023 08:33

Sounds like your son is all over the place, and his sleeping cycle is unhealthy. If I was the taxi driver I would pissed of too.

Show quote history

Don’t be a twat. He has special needs significant enough to go to a specialist college and you’re commenting on his sleeping and behaviour issues.

You’re a special sort of thick.

GracieLouFreeebush · 06/01/2023 08:37

DigitalTranny · 06/01/2023 08:33

Sounds like your son is all over the place, and his sleeping cycle is unhealthy. If I was the taxi driver I would pissed of too.

Show quote history

Have some sympathy. Her DS isn’t choosing to be all over the place, he has SEN and sleep issues, two things that cannot be helped. What can be helped is the driver accepting this job, he can speak to the firm about wanting other jobs if this one gets cancelled.

autienotnaughty · 06/01/2023 08:37

Op please ignore the sheer ignorance that n this thread. Depressing isn't it?

FlemCandango · 06/01/2023 08:38

Op anyone on this thread making the cancellation of school transport about the "poor taxi driver" is a dickhead! It is your son and you who determine whether he is going to school and if he isn't then the transport is not needed, simple as that. Any other consideration is irrelevant.

You can request that you have a different driver as the one you have should not be responding in the way he has been. If I book a cab then don't need it I would cancel it I would not take an unnecessary trip so that the cabbie still gets a fee. As you are not paying directly for your son's transport any cancellation fees are determined by the contract with the LA not your concern.

restorativejustice · 06/01/2023 08:38

OP this sounds like a very difficult situation. It does seem like a pretty unfair contract situation for the driver, but he should be more professional in his interactions with you. It's understandable why you find his comments difficult.

It may not be emotional blackmail, but it is certainly unprofessional and out of your hands - presumably you've tried melatonin with your son? Game-changer for our autistic DC.

If I was you I'd have one last conversation with the driver and ask them to not mention anything again about them being paid or not being paid as that is out of your hands, end of story.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/01/2023 08:38

DigitalTranny · 06/01/2023 08:33

Sounds like your son is all over the place, and his sleeping cycle is unhealthy. If I was the taxi driver I would pissed of too.

Show quote history

Well yes, people with disabilities sometimes have “unhealthy” sleep cycles…

And in more breaking news sky is blue and grass green.

And would you also aim your pissed offness as the family of the child you transport to SEN placement or do the normal adult thing of speaking to your employer (the ones responsible for your terms and conditions…)?

freshlybakedbread · 06/01/2023 08:39

These posters that are happily going on about a poor driver " losing money " and feeling surprised at the fact that any transport is provided! It's embarrassing in my opinion to reach presumably adulthood and be unaware of the difficulties many people encounter.

Deathbyfluffy · 06/01/2023 08:40

Xrays · 06/01/2023 07:55

The tax payers comment has really annoyed me actually. People do realise that each sen school placement costs at least approx £50-65k per year each pupil depending on the school right? And you’re sitting there moaning about a taxi? What are children like my son supposed to do? Spend their life in a completely unsuitable mainstream school just to keep “tax payers” happy? 🙄 People really don’t have a clue.

I can see why it annoys some people - a 25 mile each way trip would cost the LA another £20k or so per academic year in a taxi, plus the cost of the escort.

Do you pay that £50k-£65k per year for the placement? If not, and it comes out of the Government’s pocket as I expect, then people paying those taxes in the first place do have a right to moan about how their money is being spent.

I think anyone in this situation should be grateful taxis are provided, as in a lot of countries it’d be down to the parents to get the kids to school.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/01/2023 08:42

I think anyone in this situation should be grateful taxis are provided, as in a lot of countries it’d be down to the parents to get the kids to school.

People should be grateful that the council - who can’t provide the education they’re obliged to locally - pay for the transport to get to the provision they’re legally obliged to provide?

Facecream · 06/01/2023 08:42

The utter ignorance of some posters!!!
This is not a self-employed taxi driver missing out on a fund. He will not be paid according to whether the OP’s son attends or not because the firm will have a contract.
The “poor” driver can elect not to do this particular job and actually work for himself if he wants.
I have a seriously disabled child and if she can’t travel, she can’t travel, that’s all there is to it.
Absolute knobbers saying your son should think about any of it.
My DD cannot think like that and it’s fucking absurd to suggest that this is a parent’s problem to deal with

Welpthereitis · 06/01/2023 08:43

I’ve not read all comments but a few years ago I used to be an pa/escort in a sen taxi if the child/children where not not in we would either be moved to help another run if we were not needed we still got paid me and the taxi driver by the la with no issues

GracieLouFreeebush · 06/01/2023 08:43

Deathbyfluffy · 06/01/2023 08:40

I can see why it annoys some people - a 25 mile each way trip would cost the LA another £20k or so per academic year in a taxi, plus the cost of the escort.

Do you pay that £50k-£65k per year for the placement? If not, and it comes out of the Government’s pocket as I expect, then people paying those taxes in the first place do have a right to moan about how their money is being spent.

I think anyone in this situation should be grateful taxis are provided, as in a lot of countries it’d be down to the parents to get the kids to school.

Show quote history

What would a reasonable alternative be?