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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opened door into child’s face

280 replies

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 20:49

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

OP posts:
Grrrrdarling · 07/01/2023 18:37

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 20:49

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

That child learnt a valuable lesson. Don’t rush ahead of mum to get out of the loo or stand close to the door.
You didn’t smash them in the face with the door on purpose & the apology should be accepted as just that an apology for an accidental act.
Yes you should have maybe opened the door more gently but there is no guarantee the kid wouldn’t have still been behind it & have the door meet their face anyway.
Seems that parent has had a sense of humour bypass because I have seen the funny side of my child being hit in the face & to be honest the majority of the time the incident happened because child wasn’t listening!

Greenshed · 07/01/2023 18:42

It was an accident. Yes, you should have perhaps been more careful opening the door, but the mother of the child should also have been more careful, too. Of course, hindsight is a wonderful thing, and you know what you should have done, but stop beating yourself up about it - mistakes happen, we’re all guilty of making them. You’ve apologised, more than once, there’s nothing else you could have done.

Poppyfie1ds · 07/01/2023 18:47

So the mum didn't actually say anything she just looked annoyed and focused on her child? What were you expecting, the mum to comfort you and make sure you're okay and check your feelings aren't hurt? Grow up. You smacked her child with a door. It doesn't matter how hard or who was more at fault. You didn't mean to, she knows that or she'd have rounded on you. Nonetheless, accept you caused an accident, keep your head down at this place for a while and stop looking for reassurance. You're meant to feel bad if you hit a child with a door and the mum has every right to let you feel bad about it.

Mama1209 · 07/01/2023 18:56

I think the fact that you have posted this shows you really do feel terrible for hurting/ upsetting the child. You profusely apologised and checked on the child so there’s no more you could have done. It was an accident!! And the mum shouldn’t have let her small child be that close to the door. I think this is why she didn’t blow up at you- because she knows this to be the case and that would have been your response if she did say anything. At the same time she was angry someone hurt her child. The fact is you were thinking of your own child’s needs (needing the toilet) before anything else (someone being on the other side) so that’s why you feel guilty. Let it go lol everyone learned a lesson and no serious harm done! 😊

Noodles1234 · 07/01/2023 19:00

In a place with a lot of children, I think moving around more carefully would be wise so yes YABU. It was an accident, she was probably more concerned about her own child.

when having small kids they will suddenly run towards a door when you’re trying to keep them back. Lesson learnt and that’s the main thing.

Harls1969 · 07/01/2023 19:00

Just one of those things OP. But it did remind me of something that happened many years ago that still makes me cry laugh now. I worked in an office in a shared building with shared toilets. I once went up to the loo, rushing because 1) I was desperate and 2) I had lots of work to get back to. None of the cubicles were locked so I went to my preferred one (!) and shoved the door open - only to hear a woman yell on the other side! She hadn't locked the door and was bending over to pull her drawers up as I opened the door and twatted her on the head! Obviously I apologised profusely, she said she thought she'd locked the door, I checked she was ok then locked myself in the loo and had to hold it together until she'd washed her hands and left so I could laugh hysterically! I felt awful but it was such a slapstick moment it really tickled me (and I spent the rest of the day giggling about it). Poor woman

WinnieFosterReads · 07/01/2023 19:03

Obviously it was an accident but - as I say to my DC - just because it was an accident doesn't mean the other person is hurt less or that they have to make you feel better about it especially when the accident was caused by carelessness.

ChrisConary · 07/01/2023 19:10

You are being unreasonable. It happened, it was an accident, and you apologized for your action. Up to there, you were reasonable. Continuing to apologize and demand attention for how badly you feel, is unreasonable. The other Mom's focus on her child , while ignoring your continued grab for attention is reasonable.

Sickofcoughing · 07/01/2023 19:12

She was horrible. Assuming my child was just upset and not needing urgent medical attention I cannot imagine ignoring a person trying to apologise for the second time. Op said the mum wasn't even comforting the child initially.

I know my priority would have been to pick my child up in my arms so I would most likely have simply nodded an acknowledgement of the apology the first time but the second time when the child was clearly unhurt and unscathed? I'd have told you not to worry and introduced myself.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 07/01/2023 19:13

I really don’t think I was asking for attention by apologising I just really wanted them to know how sorry I was. It would have felt wrong to my to walk past them on leaving the toilets without apologising again. I understand I was in the wrong, it was an accident but I am still to blame. I now understand she doesn’t owe me anything and was within her rights to ignore my apology.

OP posts:
Poppyfie1ds · 07/01/2023 19:27

Stupid stuff like this happens sometimes, it's good it was a minor thing and nothing bad really happened. You'll not be besties with that mum any time soon but I really hope you let it fade in your memory to nothing more than an unfortunate incident. No need to dwell on it x

Hayliebells · 07/01/2023 19:34

Honestly, who gingerly opens a door, in the expectation that someone will be standing right behind it? And if you do stand behind a door, you should expect it to be opened, that's what it's for, there's no other way of getting into the toilet. I voted YANBU, the mum shouldn't let her child stand in front of doors, they're not walls, they open. Obviously though, if you do happen to open a door and you hit a small child, you apologise, so you acted appropriately. Hopefully she's learnt a lesson, and she should have been more gracious when you apologised.

LuckeyBuoy · 07/01/2023 19:42

It was an accident. Nobody likes their child being hurt, but I would definitely have accepted your apology. If you are the type of person not to accept an apology for an accident, you're presumably also the type of person who's too thick to realise that they, too, could easily have done the same thing.

strugglin101 · 07/01/2023 19:45

.
Have you contacted the village hall and told them to put a sign on the door saying please open carefully?

Since you have not and have come on here to post about your feelings instead, YABU.

strugglin101 · 07/01/2023 19:48

LeoEisor · 06/01/2023 21:17

If my child had just had a door on her face I would be too busy sorting her to worry if I was rude or didn't acknowledge your apology. I'm sure you would feel the same too. You'd be a little bit peeved off just before a class for the child to have that happen and then be upset. I'm a bit of a worrier so I would panic personally.

Accidents happen, you apologised and you said your going to be more careful in the future not much more you can do!

Personally if I was the child's parent I would of probably said after everything's calmed down, thank you for apologising these things happen.

If I were the parent or OP I would have asked the village hall to put a sign on the door so the accident doesn't happen again and thought no more of it.

pzyck · 07/01/2023 19:50

YABU, not in relation to the incident, but for not taking responsibility for your own feelings. The woman didn't make you feel anything. She shook her head at you. She didn't scream obscenities, punch you or threaten to murder your family. If you're insinuating you've been "made to feel so bad" by someone shaking their head at you then that's a you problem.

ittakes2 · 07/01/2023 19:55

I think you were so focused on the needs of your child you completely forgot the toilet is used by other children so yes you are being unreasonable to think an apology is enough for the other mother to process her emotions that quickly! You said yourself your child no longer needed the toilet so your 2nd apology was minutes away. You also don't know about the health of the other children - my daughter has a deviated septum from being hit in the nose with a netball, my son has had his nose broken in football - accidentally hitting either of my children in the face is more painful for them now.
Besides you seem to have forgotten you hit the child not the mum - if you are apologising to the mum why does she need to forgive you its the child that needs to accept your apology.

Esmereldaaa · 07/01/2023 20:07

strugglin101 · 07/01/2023 19:45

.
Have you contacted the village hall and told them to put a sign on the door saying please open carefully?

Since you have not and have come on here to post about your feelings instead, YABU.

I agree, but surely it's common sense to open a door carefully incase there's someone on the other side? I mean, it's a room where there may be other people.

I really don't think it warrants the need for a sign, which would be purely for the benefit of idiots who just don't think.

T1Dmama · 07/01/2023 20:12

I’d say it’s both….. You should’ve pushed the door with less force - however some toilet doors are really hard. And with a screaming child it’s really hard to be forgiving, and you go all mama bear worried they’re going to a black eye, broken tooth etc. Once her child stopped crying though I think she should’ve tried to make conversation to say she’s ok and not to worry

ginexplorer · 07/01/2023 20:15

@PrincessOfWaiIs OMG! I feel so cross for you all over again agh!!!
of course I know the logical response is - it’s in the past now, life is unfair, some people are just arseholes n all that.

he really was the absolute latter.

strugglin101 · 07/01/2023 20:37

Esmereldaaa · 07/01/2023 20:07

I agree, but surely it's common sense to open a door carefully incase there's someone on the other side? I mean, it's a room where there may be other people.

I really don't think it warrants the need for a sign, which would be purely for the benefit of idiots who just don't think.

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Are you fully aware 100% of the time?

ittakes2 · 07/01/2023 21:27

strugglin101 · 07/01/2023 20:37

Are you fully aware 100% of the time?

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I am - to avoid hitting kids or elderly people in the face!

strugglin101 · 07/01/2023 21:31

ittakes2 · 07/01/2023 21:27

I am - to avoid hitting kids or elderly people in the face!

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Great. I'd like to see the evidence that it's possible for a human being to be 100% aware all the time and not lapse judgement.

Plumnora · 07/01/2023 21:33

No YANBU. I’ve always made sure we don’t stand right behind toilet doors - or that I’m at least watching in case the door is pushed open quickly which, let’s face it, it often is- for this very reason. And to be honest, while I understand the other mum was angry, she could have put her outrage aside and been a bigger person when you apologised a second time. Yes she probably still felt like giving you a smack in the mouth but most of us would try to remember we’re adults and appreciate that this was a genuine accident. In fact, given the fact that she was such a stroppy cow the first time, I don’t think I’d have bothered to apologise a second time. If it had been the other way round and she’d hit your child with a door she probably wouldn’t have apologised anywhere near as much as you did, and you’d probably have been lovely about it. Some people just thrive on being angry. Forgive yourself, consider it a lesson learned and move on. X

Forfrigz · 07/01/2023 22:20

ShakespearesBlister · 07/01/2023 18:19

Frankly I wouldn't care about OPs feelings if I was damn angry and would blank her too. You don't get to demand people acknowledge you when you've injured their child and made them angry I'm afraid.

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That's fine then, you choose to go through life blanking people who offer an apology for a mistake, while I choose to accept that accidents happen and my upset shouldn't make me sulk and disrespect others. Perhaps because i have the enotional maturity of someone older than 6 years. Live and let live, I suppose