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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opened door into child’s face

280 replies

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 20:49

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

OP posts:
Esmereldaaa · 06/01/2023 15:20

It was an accident but why did you need to open the door so hard like that? It's obvious that there could be someone behind the door.

Maybe slow down a bit next time.

johnd2 · 06/01/2023 15:35

I don't see that the other parent "made" you feel terrible, you did that to yourself. Maybe if she hit you back or was badmouthing you in some way, but according to your post she "looked" livid, shook her head, and was dealing with her daughter instead of you. Then they went into the class once they were ok.
I think her feeling and way of dealing with it was a healthy and sensible one to be honest.

Yours on the other hand - first you needed validation from the other parent, and now you're looking for validation from a bunch of strangers online?

Yes it's a shocking situation for everyone involved, but the only person who can deal with your feelings is yourself.

Just learn your own lesson from it, leave the other parent to learn theirs, and take more care in future.

FedUpWithEverything123 · 06/01/2023 15:40

"I pushed the door quite fast"
I think YABU because of this - you should be a bit careful opening a door, generally, but especially with no window, and when you know small children are around

PrincessOfWaiIs · 06/01/2023 15:45

Many years ago I was walking down the street minding my own business when I passed two men having a very animated conversation. At the very moment I passed them, one gestured with his arms and flung his knuckles into my face. My lip and nose immediately started bleeding and I ended up with a black eye - it was as if I'd been punched full force in the face (which I sort of had been!).

His reaction was to call me a silly bitch who wasn't watching where she was going and to shout down the street after me to be more fucking careful in future (while I stood there shocked and bleeding). This was despite the fact that he was deep in conversation and wasn't looking where he was going and I'd seen him coming!

Thing is, if he'd been nice about it and apologised I'd have thought well, that was an unfortunate accident and moved on. As it is, I'm still seething 20 years later and really hope he stubs his toe regularly.

YANBU OP, accidents happen and you apologised. Unlike some!

BuffyFanForever · 06/01/2023 15:50

I know you weren’t thinking but honestly it’s actually really dangerous. I have a good friend who got hit with a door, sustained brain damage and has never been quite the same. It was her Mum who accidentally hit her with a perfectly normal door when out and about….be more careful next time

Antst · 06/01/2023 15:54

@Namechanger965, Jesus, the excuses. If you hurt someone, YOU are to blame. You can maintain that arrogant self-importance, but eventually you'll run into someone who is not impressed and isn't a small child. It is one of the basics to avoid charging around where there may be other people you can't see. It's like being on the road. If you can't stop in time to avoid hitting someone, the problem is you and you need to slow down. Pretty shocking this has to be explained repeatedly here.

MRex · 06/01/2023 15:57

PrincessOfWaiIs · 06/01/2023 15:45

Many years ago I was walking down the street minding my own business when I passed two men having a very animated conversation. At the very moment I passed them, one gestured with his arms and flung his knuckles into my face. My lip and nose immediately started bleeding and I ended up with a black eye - it was as if I'd been punched full force in the face (which I sort of had been!).

His reaction was to call me a silly bitch who wasn't watching where she was going and to shout down the street after me to be more fucking careful in future (while I stood there shocked and bleeding). This was despite the fact that he was deep in conversation and wasn't looking where he was going and I'd seen him coming!

Thing is, if he'd been nice about it and apologised I'd have thought well, that was an unfortunate accident and moved on. As it is, I'm still seething 20 years later and really hope he stubs his toe regularly.

YANBU OP, accidents happen and you apologised. Unlike some!

Interestingly, I have also just had a hope that he falls downstairs and breaks his nose.

Motelschmotel · 06/01/2023 16:01

No comment on the incident itself, but I have to say the other woman didn't MAKE you feel anything? How have you come to blame her for your feelings?

  1. you did feel bad about hurting hate child, that's normal
  2. she was dealing with her child, which is normal
  3. she was not focusing on your feelings of guilt, which is normal
  4. she is not obliged to manage your feelings
  5. she is not obliged to excuse you or make you feel better

I'm struggling to see how you could say It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful or it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology. How is this about you and your feelings, especially when you're not the "victim" in this incident? How have you managed to accuse the other woman of doing something wrong in this situation (make you feel awful, not accept your apology)? (I hesitate to use words like victim because none of this is that big a deal)

Abigail69 · 06/01/2023 16:03

Jaybird43 · 06/01/2023 13:54

I tell my DC to always be careful opening doors, because you just don't know what / who is behind them. I totally understand that the other lady was upset - you could've caused real damage to that child's face / head. However, it was an accident and you apologised. I wouldn't give it any more thought.

Exactly that.

IMO all doors in public buildings should have full lenhth narrow glass to see if anyone is behind them but good practice is best all around

phoenixrosehere · 06/01/2023 16:06

BuffyFanForever · 06/01/2023 15:50

I know you weren’t thinking but honestly it’s actually really dangerous. I have a good friend who got hit with a door, sustained brain damage and has never been quite the same. It was her Mum who accidentally hit her with a perfectly normal door when out and about….be more careful next time

I was at work and hit someone with a door that led in and out of the storeroom. She had bent over to look at something and had her head in the way of where the door would swing open. I apologised profusely and an accident report was made. My manager told me not to worry about it and all of us to be more careful when going in and out of the door while also pointed out that there’s a massive sign that says to stay clear of the door for this reason.

People should be more careful and also be aware of not being in the way of a door.

Frankley · 06/01/2023 16:08

The M and S store near where l live has a door that opens outwards from the toilets. It has an opaque glass panel that can't be seen through.

A few years ago, l had a small child with me and we were going to the toilets. The door was pushed open as we approached it and the child was nearly knocked over.
I always think of this now when opening that door. Is it just a poor design.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 06/01/2023 16:21

@Motelschmotel thank you for your post which makes a lot of sense, I’ve taken that all on board and that’s something else for me to be aware of in future.

OP posts:
Forfrigz · 06/01/2023 16:35

Even though throwing the door open was a stupid thing to do I think she was rude to blank you. Her kid is now learning to be rude like mum, and that there's no reason to apologise for mistakes, how lovely.

Burpcloth · 06/01/2023 16:40

The woman's small child is distressed after taking a door to the face -- she doesn't owe you the act of going out of her way to accept an apology, not least when she's in shock and trying to comfort her child.

Burpcloth · 06/01/2023 16:44

Forfrigz · 06/01/2023 16:35

Even though throwing the door open was a stupid thing to do I think she was rude to blank you. Her kid is now learning to be rude like mum, and that there's no reason to apologise for mistakes, how lovely.

No, the child is learning that her Mum looks after her and it's ok to need attention after being whacked in the face, rather than learning to prioritise simpering to the feelings of adults in the name of "be kind" 🙄

Forfrigz · 06/01/2023 17:19

Burpcloth · 06/01/2023 16:44

No, the child is learning that her Mum looks after her and it's ok to need attention after being whacked in the face, rather than learning to prioritise simpering to the feelings of adults in the name of "be kind" 🙄

Show quote history

I'm not convinced. The OP said she went back to offer an apology after the child had been comforted and was better, only to be ignored by the mother. Ignoring someone who is offering an apology for what is clearly a sincere mistake is very rude indeed. That child has seen that and will remember it. What a shame, as it will hinder the child later in life to not be able to accept or make apologies which are a fact of life.

Forfrigz · 06/01/2023 17:20

Burpcloth · 06/01/2023 16:44

No, the child is learning that her Mum looks after her and it's ok to need attention after being whacked in the face, rather than learning to prioritise simpering to the feelings of adults in the name of "be kind" 🙄

Show quote history

It also isn't 'being kind' to listen to and respond to someone speaking to you in a reasonable manner, it's called basic respect.

Dibbydoos · 06/01/2023 17:55

The mum should have had her daughter behind her! You shouldn't have pushed the door so hard, but how could you see.

I hate passive aggressive behaviour, the mum should have told you to be careful and be done with it.

Iaintsadwhenugotobed · 06/01/2023 17:58

YANBU at all. As u said there was no window on the door and we are not psychic to know what’s on the other side. It’s for the people on the other side to protect themselves and their kids. I never pay attention for how much force I’m putting on a door I didn’t realise it was a thing. Unless u kicked it open like a raid on purpose yanbu xx

Dominoeffecter · 06/01/2023 17:59

I would have ignored you too purely because I’d be worried about my kid not because I thought you were malicious, it was as an accident and you’ll be more careful next time, really the mum shouldn’t have let a young child stand right in front of a door

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 06/01/2023 18:05

You can see OP its a split vote, I think most YANBU people are thinking like me that its an accident - end of. And yes you felt bad, I would too, and I would also maybe have been like the other mum like upset and maybe a bit awkward? So no one seems to be at fault here. But then some are saying you ARE at fault - I reckon had the other mum posted here, she'd be blamed too. Please forget it, its a minor accident, the child was ok.

Jedsnewstar · 06/01/2023 18:05

I think YABU a tad. You should have been more careful. If there was a very elderly lady on the other side it could have been worse.
I think it’s an ask expecting the mother to be instantly ok with you because you apologised. You hurt her child, the child was crying. She was angry and probably stressed. I’m sure she will get over it. You did all you can by saying sorry.

NewPapaGuinea · 06/01/2023 18:15

Shit happens

browneyes77 · 06/01/2023 18:26

Kicked it open like a police raid on a Colombian gang HQ? YABU

🤣🤣🤣🤣

GrinAndVomit · 06/01/2023 18:33

This happened to my daughter when she was about 3. It wasn’t the woman’s fault. It was mine for not noticing my daughter had walked towards the door and was standing in the direct line of the door.
Only one of the adults could have possibly seen what was likely to happen and it wasn’t her.
My daughter had a huge egg on her head.
I still feel guilty about it now.

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