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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opened door into child’s face

280 replies

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 20:49

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

OP posts:
Blueeyedgirl21 · 05/01/2023 23:40

Total accident if mum is so worried about child having a minor owie she should have hold of their hand if they aren’t of an age to anticipate a swing door swinging (I’d expect probably an 8/9 year old to be aware but any younger you need to anticipate and keep hold of them)

I was in the swimming pool changing room the other day and a little boy was with his mum, he was about 6. He was literally stood with his nose pressed to the door which opened inward towards him. He obviously didn’t have the wherewithal to understand this as very young. Mum was chatting away as he was stood literally a mm from the door saying ‘mummy mummy let’s go come on!’ Ready to swim understandably excited. Literally saw it coming - Someone comes in and he gets clunked on the head with the door cue tears. Mum is all ‘oh god’ flapping about, honestly it was SOOOO obvious what was gonna happen. The girl who had opened the door said sorry breezily but just walked past and started getting changed, sort of admired her tbh.

BabyOnBoard90 · 05/01/2023 23:42

Tough one. If I were you I'd feel like it was her fault for being so close to the door.

On the other hand if it were my child I would be pissed.

But shit happens

ClubhouseGift · 05/01/2023 23:45

YABU. It’s a venue with children there; you shouldn’t have been so careless and I would absolutely have made it very clear I was not happy with you.

UWhatNow · 05/01/2023 23:46

“I just wish she had acknowledged how sorry I was as without that I just feel awful.”

You had just slammed a door into her child’s face. I don’t think your feelings were her priority. YABU. You did something by accident. She was rightfully pissed off. Just get over it.

NewYearNewCareer · 05/01/2023 23:49

It’s not about you though!

Mum was annoyed because her child was hurt and they wanted to attend the club. She now has something else to deal with.

Your feelings didn’t have to be acknowledged. Surely your been in this mums position before and thought about it later and relapsed you didn’t respond?

Walk away and forget about it.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 06/01/2023 07:23

Thanks for the votes, it’s a really close one which explains why I felt so conflicted afterwards, on the one hand like an awful person for being so careless but on the other hand upset as I would have just appreciated just not being made to feel like a monster for what was an accident.

OP posts:
Yutes · 06/01/2023 07:26

It was an accident. Don’t bear any grudges about it, I’m sure the other mum isn’t thinking about it anymore.

NotAHouse · 06/01/2023 07:30

ClubhouseGift · 05/01/2023 23:45

YABU. It’s a venue with children there; you shouldn’t have been so careless and I would absolutely have made it very clear I was not happy with you.

This. No need to rush about like that, it's overly dramatic and wouldn't have gotten you through the door more than 1 second more quickly.

Doingmybest12 · 06/01/2023 07:35

Are you known for rushing around and being overly physical /loud . It sounds like you weren't careful enough in the context of busy place with small children around but her reaction seems OTT if this is a one off accident and you apologised . Hope it all blows over.

darjeelingrose · 06/01/2023 07:40

You are making it all about you. But the other mother is probably indifferent to you. You and your feelings are not the important thing at all in this situation. You weren't hurt. Just forget about it, it's done, you apologised, you'll be more careful another time.

HoppingPavlova · 06/01/2023 07:44

Must admit I get really peeved when this happens to myself let alone a child. The number of times my hand has copped it to stop a door slamming into my face in public bathrooms is up there. The thing is, it takes quite a bit of force to fling a door in like that and there is no need for it. The way I open a door would not injure a person on the other side or make them 'have' to have their arm/hand damaged to prevent it. No idea why people have to fling the door open with enough force/speed to connect if someone happens to be on the other side, and rushing is just no excuse. Personally, I would have told you I was pissed off, there was no need for it and suggested you took care in future.

Martialisthebestpup · 06/01/2023 07:44

She probably won’t hold a grudge against you and your child forever more OP. She just wasn’t calmed down enough to be able to accept your apology in the moment. It doesn’t mean she didn’t hear your apology or understand it was an accident.

HoppingPavlova · 06/01/2023 07:46

I’m sure the other mum isn’t thinking about it anymore.

No, she certainly won't be sitting there thinking over it, but I can pretty much bet whenever she sees you, something like 'there's the Incredible Hulk' will probably cross her mind and she'd give a wide berth.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 06/01/2023 08:01

Doingmybest12 · 06/01/2023 07:35

Are you known for rushing around and being overly physical /loud . It sounds like you weren't careful enough in the context of busy place with small children around but her reaction seems OTT if this is a one off accident and you apologised . Hope it all blows over.

Not at all, I am pretty quiet and it was our first time at this club so I had no idea that on the other side of that toilet door was a narrow corridor leading to another door which then into the toilets and that a small child would be standing right behind that door. My DD enjoyed the club and wants to carry on so there’ll be many more awkward afternoons to come sat with this woman waiting for the club to finish. I guess that’s why it’s playing on my mind a bit but the child is fine and I didn’t lose any sleep over it, just was curious whether I’m as awful as she made me feel.

OP posts:
FromTheFront2theBack · 06/01/2023 08:02

Just one of those things, you probably should have slowed down but you weren't being outrageous. Child was probably upset but fine. Next time take it slower but don't beat yourself up. The other mum was probably just upset her child was upset and won't think much more of it.

GruffaIo · 06/01/2023 08:05

I would contact the venue owner and tell them the circumstances of the accident and that they need to put a sign on the outside door warning people to take care as there may be others inside the first door. To be honest, this should have already been identified in their risk assessment but bringing it to their attention definitely means it should be part of their risk assessment. There is one of these signs on toilets for one place I visit for work and it does cause me to be more careful each time.

Mariposista · 06/01/2023 08:14

I’d have said ‘gosh so sorry, my fault’, and left it at that. It was an ACCIDENT. The mother is being a precious twat. I guess the kid was not badly hurt and it was just shock. I’d have ignored the wailing.

darjeelingrose · 06/01/2023 08:26

The mum is not being a twat as @Mariposista says, and you told us in your op @ShillyShallySherbet that for some reason you thought the mother should put your feelings and apology ahead of her child.

You wrote Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me.

You seem to expect the mother to stop looking after her child and pay attention to your feelings and your need for your apology to be attended to. Enough with the attention seeking, you are still doing it now. She didn't make you feel awful, she just doesn't care about you, and why should she?

Itschristmastimeinthecity · 06/01/2023 08:34

It was an accident OP.
The mum in question has her rights to be upset but there's nothing more you can do about it.
Honestly in these circumstances when your child is in distress, I can understand the mum not really paying attention to you.

89redballoons · 06/01/2023 08:35

YANBU to accidently open the door. However YABU to expect the other mum to stop comforting her child to accept your apology and make you feel better.

If she had actually said anything insulting to you or pushed you back etc then she would have been unreasonable, but she didn't. It's just that her child is her priority. Surely you'd have acted the same if this had happened to your DD?

eastegg · 06/01/2023 08:37

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 21:36

I think if the mum had been in front of the child to open the door instead of reaching over the child to open the door the door it would have just hit the mums hand, so there’s a lesson there to always stand in front of my child when going out of doors that opens inwards.

That is a lesson to learn yes. But you’ll find I think that it’s very difficult never to let your child go in front of you near a door. They nip in front in a split second. Which is why I don’t really think the other mum did anything wrong here. The main lesson is not to open doors carelessly, sorry!

KnitterNat · 06/01/2023 08:41

It was an accident but be more careful
in future. I don’t blame the other mum for focusing on her child rather than focusing on making you feel better about it, which is what you sound like you wanted.

Just move on and take more care in future.

Gem123J · 06/01/2023 08:57

I have been that other Mum. A few weeks ago in the family changing room at the leisure centre I was putting our bags in a locker and my DD (5 years old) must have backed up and stood behind one of the doors and another Mum in a rush barged in and the door hit my daughter on the head, she apologised but I didn’t really acknowledge her because I was concentrating more on DD, and she carried on rushing to the other changing room anyway.

Of course I would have acknowledged her again if she apologised again (was way too busy checking on DD straight after it happened), and of course since then I’m religiously telling DD to stay away from doors so every time I have to turn my back from her I tell her to stay clear of doors. But I wouldn’t ever be opening doors excessively in a family changing rooms where children are likely to be behind, the room is so busy at times someone is likely to be behind a door. Her DS was in the same lesson as my DD so wasn’t even like they were late to be rushing around the place.

Pineconederby · 06/01/2023 08:59

The other mum shouldn’t have let her child stand behind a door like that. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else. The other mum is entirely at fault.

Getinajollymood · 06/01/2023 09:03

It’s very difficult in narrow spaces like doorways. If I go first (as the consensus here is) then I can’t shepherd DS(2).

I do think it was just an accident and apologising was the right thing to do, but I guess it is one of those where when people are shocked or upset they aren’t always going to click back to social niceties immediately.