Opened door into child’s face

[ShillyShallySherbet]

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

@strugglin101

Of course!! And I can tell you that I've never hit someone in the face with a door! Or any other accidents like that from not paying attention or using common sense.

The funny side of a child being hit in the face with a door? There’s no way that’s not going to hurt. You’re either talking bollocks or you’re a psycho. I suspect the former.

Oh get over yourself @Forfrigz - you say you’ve got the emotional maturity of someone over 6 and you’ve rightly set that bar low. Most parents would attend to their child in this situation and be less than giddy about what the op did. You’re not some superior being because you’d prioritise weird people-pleasing politeness over your child’s health and well-being. But hey crack on. 🙄

Is it people pleasing to acknowledge someone who has apologised to you twice for an accident?

They're not even slightly similar and the response from the lady who tried to get in your car sounds like shock and embarrassment which is pretty normal in that situation.

Your child was woken by a noise, not the impact of a door hitting them.

I do hope you start getting some decent sleep soon, sleepless nights are no fun!

Yes. Because the aggrieved parent might have been genuinely pissed off and aggravated about it. Quite rightly. Especially if her child was hurt.

An acknowledgment of an apology, should not expected. It’s arrogant to assume just because you apologise that someone will forgive you. Some things are raw for a while.

Yes, absolutely sounds like embarrassment, similar to what the original poster felt when the door flung into the child’s face.

You can still be embarrassed and apologise - I would have done.

I’m aware of what woke my child. I know that they were not hit in the face by a door so there is no argument about that. There was a cause and effect which I related to. You’re not answering the OP by replying to my post; I was simply offering my opinion.

Oh, FGS, it was an accident! You should have YANBU 100%! Similar situation - I was doing a home visit for work and had to open a door to inspect the property. Th owner's child was standing close by but not directly in my line of vision. Unbeknownst to me she put her fingers in the gap between the door and the architrave just as I was opening it so her fingers were crushed. Not crushed as in needing an A&E visit but, quite understandably, she howled her little heart out. Parents made me feel like I'd come round specifically to maim their child despite my profuse apologies to them and the child. I'd comfort my child in those circumstances but I'd be sure to tell the the other party that it wasn't their fault and couldn't be helped; I just don't get people who don't do that.

Accidents happen, one second later and they would have opened the door for you, 1 second earlier, nothing would have happened. Just one of those things that happens.

This exact thing happens so often in my work toilets, with no window. Door flies open into your face, followed by apologies from both people and an embarrased look on their face.its laughed off and we go on with our day.

YANBU. If parents aren’t aware that small accidents like this are going to happen then keep them in the house and remove your doors.

The child was clearly close enough to the door that even a tiny push would have knocked her over. Things like this will happen all the time at classes, school and nursery. I understand the other mother being concerned for her child but it was an accident.

I guess if you hurt a child assume direct injury to the mother too - but was an accident !

I think you are both at fault. You should've been more cautious opening a blind door and she should've exercised the same caution by not allowing her daughter to walk right up to the closed door for that exact reason. If you went through the door like you were trying to get out of a burning building, then it's understandable that she continue being angry with you. You simply don't do that with doors like you described. I would put it at 60/40 your fault/her fault.

YANBU. I can understand the mother being too upset or cross but she should have accepted the 2nd apology. You both can learn from this but it's over now. Forget about it. 🙂.

We're not talking about forgiveness, we're talking about a grown adult blanking another who is being reasonable and offering an apology for an honest mistake. It's is simply rude to ignore that of out of choice. I suppose there's a chance it wasn't deliberate in which case it wouldn't be rude, perhaps she was a bit mentally slow or perhaps from a culture where women don't speak much. That's honestly what I'd be assuming, otherwise she's just ignorant, and at the absolute mercy of her own temper which let's be honest a lot of people are unfortunately.

I understand other Mum being shocked and therefore cross initially but later when you visibly felt bad and she ignored you she was the one behaving unreasonably she could have said not to worry. It was an accident the door was tricky she equally could have thought about her child being careful and in the end no child was hurt. She didn’t need to continue to be nasty. Her behaviour was key and has made you continue to feel bad which is not OK of her.

UWhat now. No child was hurt

Exactly!! FGS. Other party is being rude not to accept your apology some people have no manners. It was 50% their fault and no child was injured.

YABU
I’m surprised you even have to ask the question.
In that type of setting you need to be very careful with little ones around.

At least you apologised. I had this happen to me as a kid when a heavily pregnant woman smashed open an external toilet door as I was reaching for the handle to leave and left me squashed against the tiled wall with an egg/terrible bruise on my forehead and she didn’t even look in my direction let alone apologise.

It doesn’t matter. The point is that just because the op apologised and ‘felt bad’ - the mother isn’t a monster for ignoring her. This is a perfect example of someone (op) making someone else’s trauma all about them.

It was unfortunate, but these things happen. As a mother I would be anxious that my child was ok but also would have accepted your apology and demonstrated to my daughter how forgiveness works and wouldn't have been rude. But people are different - I am not quick to anger but I know plenty of people who are! The girl was fine so don't stress about it - lesson learned all round x

It’s also very understandable that OP was flustered and not focused on pushing the door as gently as she could have. Give her a break, it was a genuine accident and she apologised immediately. People are allowed to be human and the other mum could have been a bit more adult when OP apologised the second time.

Hi, sorry not to just vote but I don’t think it’s quite that simple. Although I do agree she should have eventually accepted your apology I know from experience that it is very difficult to accept an apology when your child is in pain and distress caused by the person apologising. It was obviously an accident (albeit avoidable) and she just couldn’t find the generosity to forgive you at that time.
Don’t beat yourself up . It could have easily happened to any of us .

I already answered the OP.

It's not comparable as OP hurt someone and the person who opened your door thought they fixed the problem by shutting your door, they had no idea they upset your baby, did you want them to reopen your door and apologise for waking your baby?

So I have voted YABU even though I have done similar before and felt the sad a you For example, I was on a bus that brakes suddenly and I went flying onto a buggy. It wasn’t my fault but I got the evil looks and silence when apologising profusely. Or my kids ere playing near a water fountain and splashed water onto a toddler, after his parents had come and stood next to my splashing kids. The toddler then. Rued and I got the sae reaction you describe, despite my apologies. However, I know people can react like that when upset about their child and I just feel we should understand that and walk away. My daughter, when she was 1 or 2, used to hit Children sometimes in soft plays if I was feeding my baby. One mum really shouted at me. I apologied straight away and left, and my child was later diagnosed with ASD but I also feel the mum was right to feel upset because her child was upset and maternal instinct takes over.