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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opened door into child’s face

280 replies

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 20:49

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

OP posts:
Sqqueeeeeeee · 05/01/2023 20:53

Without knowing how aggressively you opened the door, we can’t know if you were being unreasonable. Kicked it open like a police raid on a Colombian gang HQ? YABU. Opened it with your hand at the pace of a sleepy penguin? YANBU.

Poppins2016 · 05/01/2023 20:53

I remember someone on here saying that accidents are just that - accidents - they're not 'on purposes'. So with that in mind, you're not being unreasonable. Ideally both of you would have exercised caution... I tell my little boy to be careful when opening doors and when standing in front of them for this very reason. But things happen, you've apologised and all you can do now is learn from it (i.e. remember to be cautious next time)!

Sleepyquest · 05/01/2023 20:54

YABU but only because you should have anticipated other children being about for the club. I wouldn't have given you a hard time because these things happen, I also try to make sure my young child doesn't stand behind doors. Don't worry about it

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 05/01/2023 20:54

YANBU.

Mum has just learnt the lesson not to let their small child stand right behind a door!

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 05/01/2023 20:54

You know what yes you should of opened the door more gently but it was an accident and I wouldn’t have made you feel like shit about it. Sounds like it wasn’t serious anyway, just one of those things.

I would have been grateful for your apology.
A lovely man bumped a door into my 2 year olds head last weekend when he held the door open for us and my son cried, the man was really sorry and hung about to say sorry but I didn’t make a big deal of it and said no worries, then my son soon cheered up!

Don’t worry about it x

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 20:54

Sqqueeeeeeee · 05/01/2023 20:53

Without knowing how aggressively you opened the door, we can’t know if you were being unreasonable. Kicked it open like a police raid on a Colombian gang HQ? YABU. Opened it with your hand at the pace of a sleepy penguin? YANBU.

Haha this made me laugh, to be honest it was somewhere in the middle of the two! I did push it quite hard as I was in a rush, I feel awful and will be more careful in future.

OP posts:
WhiteFire · 05/01/2023 20:55

I'm sure the other Mum was aware that it was an accident, but as my Mother would say "just as effective". You apologised, but realistically she was more busy with her child.

So yes you perhaps should have been more careful, and the other Mum perhaps should have approached with more care.

OoooohMatron · 05/01/2023 20:55

You should have been more careful, especially knowing there were a load of children at the place, but the mum should have accepted your apology.

Sqqueeeeeeee · 05/01/2023 20:55

Obviously she was OTT though. My DS is visually- and hearing-impaired so he’s run into dozens of doors at full pelt. It’s not like you did it on purpose. Doesn’t change whether YABU or YANBU though.

whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 05/01/2023 20:57

It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful.

In a place with kids, yes YABU.

MRex · 05/01/2023 21:03

It was an accident, but you should have been more careful. I expect the mum was just upset in the moment looking after her little DD, so she was pissed off. That's ok, people can be pussed off just as people can do stupid shit, you'll both be more careful next time.

johsq20 · 05/01/2023 21:03

YANBU - accident and child shouldn't have been stood right behind the door. Obviously if you flung it open you may want to be more careful in future, but it's not common place for people to be lingering behind doors.

Georgeskitchen · 05/01/2023 21:11

It was an accident. Chill out. Pretty sure the kid has forgotten already

Ilovehamandtoast · 05/01/2023 21:11

I did something along these lines in work one day. I had both hands full and kicked a door open rigour into someone's face. She had a bit of a black eye. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed in my whole life tbh. I feel your pain. It's not like you just punched her in the face so try to forget , learn and move on 💕

Palmfrond · 05/01/2023 21:18

You should have been more careful, but so should the other mum. It’s generally not considered best practice to have your small child prancing about behind doors because accidents happen.
But, a parent reacting as if you’ve done it on purpose or are some sort of monster who escaped from the zoo/asylum is twatty, but strangely not uncommon.

toocold54 · 05/01/2023 21:30

YABU there’s a pretty high chance of someone being behind the door and you should always open it carefully.

But it was an accident and you didn’t do it intentionally hoping to hurt a child.

You know now that you won’t do it again and so I wouldn’t waste any more energy feeling bad about it.

toocold54 · 05/01/2023 21:32

You should have been more careful, but so should the other mum. It’s generally not considered best practice to have your small child prancing about behind doors because accidents happen.

It doesn’t sound like the child was prancing about and what’s more likely is they were leaving as OP came in, which was why her face was so close to the door.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 21:33

Yes they were leaving the toilets as we were going in, just awful timing. I’ll certainly learn from it and be more careful in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 21:36

I think if the mum had been in front of the child to open the door instead of reaching over the child to open the door the door it would have just hit the mums hand, so there’s a lesson there to always stand in front of my child when going out of doors that opens inwards.

OP posts:
Elvis1956 · 05/01/2023 21:38

Yes you right, you should have been more careful. You opened a door into someone's face...that can only be done by using too much force. You should feel guilty for a bit..then let it go as the yanks say....no harm no foul

mynameislaetitia · 05/01/2023 21:44

YANBU of course as it was an accident. I've definitely been in the position of the other mum before as well, though, where you're so shocked and worried about your own child that you can't immediately be polite enough to brush it off and graciously accept the other's apology. I'm sorry you were made to feel bad, I'm sure this other mum by now also feels bad she made you feel bad, but it will have just been a case of being in shock and overwhelmed why she ignored you at the time. Please just extend her some grace.

Original poster
ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 21:50

Yes I completely understand that @mynameislaetitia it’s actually what I kept saying to myself while awkwardly waiting for the club to finish as I sat across the room from her. I just wish she had acknowledged how sorry I was as without that I just feel awful.

OP posts:
keepcalm11 · 05/01/2023 21:52

Ive been on the giving and receiving end of a clout from those type of doors they are a nightmare! It was an accident, cut yourself some slack OP.

thecatsthecats · 05/01/2023 21:58

I think that guilt can be a useful emotion sometimes. It helps us remember actions we regret, even if they were mistakes.

You're not going to forget to open doors outward carefully, are you?

The other mum was rattled, she doesn't think you're Satan.

Whotsit · 05/01/2023 23:32

It was an accident. However in a place with lots of toddlers it would be likely that a child would be in the loo, so yes more care is required. It’s fine for the other mum to feel upset and cross.

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