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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opened door into child’s face

280 replies

ShillyShallySherbet · 05/01/2023 20:49

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

OP posts:
ILoveAllRainbowsx · 06/01/2023 11:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NotAHouse · 06/01/2023 11:32

So you didn't know the layout of the toilet and still barged in, for your child who THEN decided they didn't need the toilet at all? Load of drama from both of you for nothing.

1HappyTraveller · 06/01/2023 12:02

Voted YABU based on your preferred options that…

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

That being said you said you were sorry and seem to be remorseful. Try not to think about it anymore. Just be careful next time.

Ladysodor · 06/01/2023 12:04

It was an accident for which you apologised. Ignore the hot air.

HauntedPencil · 06/01/2023 12:05

In hindsight onvs you should have been more careful but accidents happen - you apologised and that's all that you can do.

Muu · 06/01/2023 12:15

Stop blaming her for your feelings because it’s not her fault. she was probably pissed off after seeing her child smacked in the face so she didn’t want to look at you for a bit. She did nothing wrong!

you didn’t really do anything wrong either, you made a mistake and apologised. These things happen.

Summerfun54321 · 06/01/2023 12:25

Why do you need forgiveness from this random mum for you bashing her child in the face? It was an accident, but expecting a stranger to be kind to you when you've just injured her child is too much to expect. Neither of you were wrong.

Calphurnia88 · 06/01/2023 12:27

You should have anticipated there being a child behind the door.

But her reaction was OTT.

Catspyjamas17 · 06/01/2023 12:32

YANBU. My DM used to pull me away from doors when I was little so that this wouldn't happen. I'd have just said "Whoops, sorry!" and carried on.

W00p · 06/01/2023 12:33

You need to be more conscious of this type of thing although I can appreciate you were stressed/irritated. If you had bumped into an adult then I might think differently but you were completely at fault here especially knowing that it's a setting where young children are likely to be around.

TheClogLady · 06/01/2023 12:33

Not RTFT but putting my health and safety hat on for a moment:

That door needs replacing! Needs one with a viewing window in it.

I’d contact the vicar/whoever does the hiring out and ask them to make a log of the accident and to consider how it can be made safer for children in future.

Branleuse · 06/01/2023 12:33

She didnt shout at you or make complaints to anyone, she just got on with comforting her own child and took no notice of you. It sounds like you wanted her to reassure you that it was fine. I think you should move on and try to not give it too much thought. You were a bit careless and she was just trying to manage her own kid

Greatly · 06/01/2023 12:36

I did exactly this about 10 years ago. The door looked heavy so. I gave it a big push and it flew open, actually knocking a little girl to the floor.

When I realised what I'd done I said "oh shit, sorry! “

The mum said" oh lovely, bad language as well as violent"

😂😂

MummyJ36 · 06/01/2023 12:36

Other mum sounds like a knob. If her child was fine then she was fine. I can’t stand people who go on like that, shaking their head like you deliberately karate kicked their kid in the face. I’d move on and not think anything else of it.

Kitcaterpillar · 06/01/2023 12:36

YANBU. Sometimes you get hit in the face with a door, life unfolds.

Kitcaterpillar · 06/01/2023 12:37

Greatly · 06/01/2023 12:36

I did exactly this about 10 years ago. The door looked heavy so. I gave it a big push and it flew open, actually knocking a little girl to the floor.

When I realised what I'd done I said "oh shit, sorry! “

The mum said" oh lovely, bad language as well as violent"

😂😂

Hahaha, fucking hell. She'd belong here.

pillow56 · 06/01/2023 12:38

yanbu, it was an accident. They happen and nobody is dead or seriously injured.

SirenSays · 06/01/2023 12:39

Made you feel like a monster? She was busy making her child feel better. She shouldn't have to comfort you too.

Tamarindtree · 06/01/2023 12:44

On one hand you were in a building with children in and COULD have been a bit careful opening the door to check if a child or anyone else was the other side BUT really the venue should have glass put in the door to prevent accidents.

OopsAnotherOne · 06/01/2023 12:49

You didn't do it on purpose. I'd imagine the mother is more annoyed that she let her child stand behind a door and as a result the child got hurt.

She should have acknowledged your apology as it was a genuine mistake and for that I do think she was in the wrong.

Hopefully in the future, it will be on your mind to open doors in public slightly more carefully and it will be on her mind not to let her child stand behind doors which are likely to be opened.

Please don't let it worry you OP, she may have been having a bad day already, I doubt she saw it as a personal attack on her or her daughter but I do agree that she could have handled it slightly better.

Chilloutt · 06/01/2023 12:51

To the people voted YABU. It was a total accident and yes although both parties should have been more careful, I don’t think I would have been angry and ignored you OP. It was a complete and utter accident and these things happen. If that was me, I would have accepted your apology calmly and been polite at the least.

What benefit is it to ignore the apology the second time round? I get it’s not about reassuring the OP, but rightfully so she felt really bad and felt the need to apologise again. Also it wasn’t completely her fault, mum should have been a bit careful knowing other people were going to walk in!!

On the other hand, if you just walked past with no apology, then you would most definitely be the unreasonable one. But this …bit astounded at some of these precious responses. Chill out, no harm done in this case!

Antst · 06/01/2023 12:53

Bet you're British! It's not rocket science to anticipate that someone might be on the other side of a door. You may have been in a rush but that doesn't make it your right to put other people in danger. You're lucky it wasn't me on the other side of that door.

Mariposista · 06/01/2023 12:56

MummyJ36 · 06/01/2023 12:36

Other mum sounds like a knob. If her child was fine then she was fine. I can’t stand people who go on like that, shaking their head like you deliberately karate kicked their kid in the face. I’d move on and not think anything else of it.

Totally agree with you. In our house, tears are for blood, teeth knocked out or broken bones only. Kid would have got a 'stop that silly noise, you're fine. Now let's get on and enjoy the activity' I'm afraid.
An apology and a have a nice day was sufficient here.

Getinajollymood · 06/01/2023 12:59

Glass in the door wouldn’t help if the child was below the height of the glass.

tears are for blood, teeth knocked out or broken bones only

You don’t get to decide what toddlers or small children cry about Confused I appreciate the OP feels bad about it but I can quite see that having a door slammed right into your face would be a real shock.

anotheruser173 · 06/01/2023 13:00

There are the sort of accidents that no one could have prevented, and then there are these.

Even if it had been an adult on the other side of the door, it wouldn't have been acceptable to bash them in the face. I've both had someone push a door into me, and pushed a door into someone else before, but the force has been so gentle, the person on the other side has jumped back, no one has got hurt, and everyone has laughed it off.

By your own admission, OP, the force at which you shoved the door open didn't take in account there could have been someone on the other side - and let's face it, it wasn't a quiet venue, the odds were high that the ladies toilets weren't empty. I think you feel bad having hurt a small child, and you're trying to make yourself feel better by justifying how it wasn't really your fault. Sometimes children cry disproportionately - sometimes there are other things going on that you don't know about, and the wail really is justified. You don't get to decide whether the child and her mother should have been less annoyed with you.

It was your fault. Own it. You can't make the child and her mother forgive you, but you can use this as a lesson and take more care with doors in the future. It's only acceptable to push at a door that hard if you know for a fact there's no one on the other side. You were always risking hurting someone, but you didn't care, because you did a calculation in your head that the risk was outweighed by your need to move quickly.

Well, you know better now. Be more careful in the future, and use that changed behaviour to forgive yourself. We all do thoughtless things sometimes - the only reason to let this fester is if you don't intend to do things differently in the future.

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