Opened door into child’s face

[ShillyShallySherbet]

This afternoon I was with young DD in a tiny and crowded village hall vestibule waiting for an after school club to start and suddenly and desperately she needed the toilet, so I took her to the toilet. The main door to the toilets is a door you push with no window in it. Admittedly I was in a rush as I didn’t want DD to miss the start of her class and I pushed the door quite fast and it banged right into a small child’s face on the other side. The child started screaming and their mum, who was standing behind them about to pull the door from the other side, looked utterly livid. Of course I immediately apologised profusely to the mum and child but the child was so upset and the mum just shook her head at me and walked past us into the vestibule. I carried on into the toilets where DC decided she no longer need the toilet! On the way out I passed the mum comforting her child and apologised again. She ignored me. Eventually DD and the little girl, who had calmed down and was fine, went into their class but it was oh so awkward. It’s left me wondering did I deserve to be made to feel so awful. Please vote (getting my hard hat on)

YABU you should have opened the door more carefully anticipating someone could be on the other side

YANBU it was an accident and the mum should have accepted my apology

It was an accident, you apologised but the other mum was preoccupied with making sure her child was okay so didn't accept your apology. I wouldn't give it another thought.

Not sure why PPs are blaming the child/mother for being right behind the door. Where else would they be if they were about to come out of the toilets?

You seem to be too focused on how you were made to feel and losing sight of the feelings of the other party. Her child was hurt by your rushing about. Obviously it wasn't intentional and the mum probably did momentarily think you were a bit of a monster at the time and wonder why on earth you shoved the door so hard, but I doubt she's going to hang on to it forever. Just be apologetic next time and eventually it will blow over. You might even end up being friends.

Difficult one. Clearly you could have gone more slowly and obviously you will in future. But also the mum needs to look teach their child not to stand behind doors, so they will have learnt something the hard way. Just like we all have to teach our children not to put fingers in places where doors can squash them.

It was a accident. Don't beat yourself up about it. If concerned about recurrence then maybe you could suggest the venue put a sign on the door warning people to open the door slowly in case there is a child behind it.

You should have been more careful but the mother shouldn't have let the child stand behind the door.
It was an accident and no one's fault.

If you or a child are going to open a door, how do you open the door without standing behind it to reach the handle? It's ridiculous to say don't stand behind doors, if you don't for a second, you can't open it to walk though. That's why the OP shouldn't feel bad, not because the child shouldn't have been standing behind the door, but because she couldn't have seen. She'll do it more slowly another time.

You should have been more careful, knowing the place was crowded with children. Obviously it was an accident, but the child was quite upset (being banged in the face with a door is not pleasant) so it is natural that the mother didn't just brush it off immediately.

Accidents happen in any age, it could be bad luck on both sides,
when I was at work I was walking towards the door to open it my name was shouted just as I was about to open it turn my my head so slightly and another person open the door just as I was pulling and turning slightly they where push and bam corner of the door to my face blood hurt black eye for weeks but it was no one’s fault it was just a cluster fuck of things happening at the same time 🤦🏻‍♀️

it was an accident, you apologised, I really wouldn't give it any more thought than that. I'm sure the child will get over it. Of course the mother was a bit annoyed / upset to see her child get a fright but it was a minor incident, that's all.

People need to take care on either side of solid doors.
Sometimes they don't open with the resistance that's anticipated so there is a risk that they can swing more abruptly than expected.

It's just one of those things. OP's realised that she's learned a lesson. We don't know about the other mum.

How do you leave a room without getting close to the door?

"just was curious whether I’m as awful as she made me feel."

OP, this is ridiculous, you really don't need a bunch of strangers to tell you whether you are an "awful" person or not, surely? You know you're not but you are making a big deal out of a very minor incident.

You are also being unreasonable in expecting the mother to make you feel better, she had other things (her child) to deal with, you were/are pretty insignificant to her.

I think she was probably just trying to control her temper because she was probably quite rightly pissed off that someone had opened a door on her child's face. Obviously it wasn't intentional on your part but when this sort of thing happens you can't help but feel irritated. Someone spilt a hot cup of coffee on me on a train a few weeks ago- she apologised profusely but I was so cross I couldn't answer other than to mutter "it's ok" to her and walk away. Clearly it wasn't intentional or malicious so I wasn't actually annoyed at her but I was annoyed that it had happened.

Bahaha... that really made me laugh.

Surely everyone is aware that doors are a two way street and that when it comes to toilets, generally the entrance also serves as an exit.

Sorry OP but I do think you should have been more self aware in such a busy place.

Can't believe people suggest the child is at fault for lingering or mucking around too close to the door! They were most likely using it in a perfectly normal manner and the child was smacked in the face because with OP's rapid pace through the door they had no time to react and get out of the way.

Lesson learned, I'm sure you'll not do it again. If it were me, I would try and apologise calmly next time you see her and then leave it.

A young staff member at a restaurant once flew into the bathroom, slamming to door wide open and she caught my dd. She promptly screamed ‘OH F*’ in her face by way of an apology. She did get a really filthy look from me. Tbh it was a small bathroom and anyone could have been in there.

if you did that OP then you were unreasonable!

This happened to me, only it was gate at the park that I let go off and it closed on to a child who had run in the park without me realising. The mum was not quite as bad as the mum in your situation but she made sure I felt adequately ashamed before she accepted my apology (begrudgingly).

It stuck with me all day and I shared it with a friend over coffee who gave me the best piece of advise...

"You accidentally hurt someone - the mum was pissed (probably at you and herself for the child getting hurt). Her job is not to make you feel better just because you apologised. You sincerely apologised - that should be enough. We don't apologise to stop us feeling bad - we apologise because we are generally sorry.

Not sure it will help but if you know in your heart you are genuinely sorry then ride it out. Some people just don't forgive.

This!

How should one exit a door without standing behind it?

I am genuinely baffled by this opinion.

In the woman's place, would you have prioritised checking your child was OK and calming her down, or making the person that had caused the accident feel better?

I'm baffled as well.

People are always looking to find who's at fault even when there isn't any.

A poor child get's bashed in the face by accident. It was an accident. That's all.

No one is to blame!

@StoppinBy - How should one exit a door without standing behind it?

I am genuinely baffled by this opinion

In a busy place with lots of kids, I'd have stood in front of the door with my dc behind me, or if my dc was in front of me, I'd have my arm out in front of them, just in case the door opened suddenly, so it would hit my hand instead of the dc. It's not very difficult.

Op, sounds like just one of those things. Was the loo tiny? Was there space for people to stand away from the door? Or were they just about to exit?

Where on earth is she supposed to stand if she was going out via the door? Other side of the restroom?

No one should open a door so forcefully it can hurt someone on the other side, especially when children are about. I would be furious if it was my child.

We had exactly this happen at a swimming club where the only available toilet was the one by reception and it had a huge door that looked heavy but wasn't so when people came out they always pushed it really hard. My DS was leaving swimming and just walking past at exactly the time a parent inside pushed the door incredibly hard and it slammed into him. I was furious, there's no getting away from that, BUT when I calmed down and knew he was OK I was realistic and realised they hadn't intended to do it, it was a very badly designed door designed to be accessible to wheelchairs and so despite it's size, it moved much quicker and easier than the average door. The swimming club then put a massive cannot miss sign on the front and back of the doors to warn people to take care with the door when opening.

YABU to come to the internet to validate your sense of injustice.

You push the door open quickly and perhaps too hard and hit a child on the other side. It was an accident and you apologised.

The child was upset and her mum was annoyed and not prepared to forgive you hurting her daughter.

You were sorry and she was annoyed. Life happened, move on.

You felt bad, she didn't make you feel bad. She can accept your apology or continue to feel annoyed, you have no control over that.

Me too. Amazed at how many pps have repeated this line.

Love that these are your two frames of reference 😂
OP, shit happens, forgive yourself and move on.