In thinking that ex-army men often have problems

[ExArmywifee]

NC for this as expecting to be flamed. Just out of a relationship with an ex-army man so my judgement may be clouded but AIBU to think they all have issues of some kind? And if I'm right why doesn't the army or forces help them adjust? Or maybe they do & some men just have issues anyway & use the army as an excuse? I think if they go in at a young age & it's all they've ever known it must be incredibly hard to not have that any more. But is it ever possible to adjust & have a normal civilian life afterwards, especially if they have seen active service? Water under the bridge for this relationship but still playing on my mind

Yep so many damaged individuals dumped into civi life with no follow up or care. Combat stress is a great charity

@Summerhillsquare my late (and utterly beloved) father was a recipient of the Victoria Cross. He saved untold lives with his actions. He died because of PTSD brought on by helping others. People like you make my skin crawl 🙂

Summerhillsquare · 05/01/2023 20:21

Well, what sort of a person signs up to wield weapons? One you want to avoid, clearly.

So all those men who had to sign up to wield weapons against Hitler in the 2nd world war are ones to avoid?? Show a bit of respect. If it wasn't for our previous generations of men & women defeating the monster we'd have been living a very different life today.

What's all this bollocks about the military "put their lives on the line for us"?! What, by killing brown people thousands of miles away? How is that "for us"?

They still did the right thing trying, poor people having a fool for a son, they must wonder where they went wrong

@Pumperthepumper ridiculous happy to defend yourself then if the time comes then
Also recent floods are you happy to go out and rescue people in a boat or cover for paramedics etc
If a country like the uk didn't have armed forces you would be living a very different life
People really do live in some little bubble of how perfect everyone should be

How's life under that bridge?
Does it get so lonely that you feel the need to go online and be goady just for the sake of someone to notice you, or someone to talk to?
I actually pity you, you must have a terribly boring life to have been nowhere and done nothing.
Very sad, very sad indeed.

Also you mention about your mh and your not in the military so that shows we are all vulnerable to ii
Certain careers prob carrier a higher risk fhe army being one of many , many in the nhs prob have MH issue these days as well with what they see , the strain if it all etc
Having 'MH issues also doesn't make you a horrible person
Pretty goady post really based. On your example of one

@Angeldelight81 probably better than being patronising or goady though aye

Also MH issues doesn't equal bad person , you prob know more people around you with MH issues than don't
Not all of us share those issues
Most people who know me in real life would not be aware of mY MH battles ( not ex army)
Its almost like some of you are saying Mh issues means your a violent person etc

@Angeldelight81 yes sadly some do end up that eay but if they were not trained to defend you would you be happy to defend yourself , I doubt it

@Mentalpiece exactly bet their parents are really proud of them as well , sitting behind a keyboard with a made up name insulting people , so so brave

And yet here you are too ….

Defend ourselves from what exactly if we weren’t going into other countries and trying to strip the resource is what exactly would we find a fight with our neighbours about?

We take people too young into our active services, I think. And many joining the army do so because they’re poorly educated, have behaviour issues, are from difficult backgrounds and don’t have a lot open to them in life.
Then chuck in some time in the army, maybe some active services, certainly years of being told what to do rather than making your own decisions then cut them free into the real world.
of course many have issues adjusting to a normal life.

@Mydogatemypurse

Perhaps they won't be interested but you stance is completely unreasonable. The defence of our country is very important and if your adult child wish to pursue a career in the armed forces then you don't get a choice.

Everything so far to support dd has been excellent, she earns good money and is gaining professional qualifications plus her masters. I think people do not understand the modern military and their roles, the infantry (which mostly people are talking about with ptsd) make up a tiny percentage of the workforce and support for mental health has been dramatically increased in the last few years

Yes, but the difference is that I don't come here to goad people, or to insult parents or spouses of loved ones who have been KIA by referring to them as cannon fodder or whatever insensitive insult you want to insert.

My uncle has done a few tours and has been in the army for a long time. He looks pained. Every time he comes back his demeanour is darker, he constantly looks in turmoil. A couple of my older cousins also signed up but have thankfully all left.
It’s not a career I would encourage my children to get into. It seems so unnatural and horrifying.

Cadets ( essentially the grooming of our kids for the military) and recruiters make it all sound like some big boys own adventure where you travel the world, have an automatic bunch of mates, and learn new skills.

And I don’t come here to defend the actions of those that have led to people’s lives being meaninglessly sacrificed. Worst still try and recruit people as I’ve seen one the threads where children are suffering with mental illness and some dick has popped a long from the Recruitment department. Literally last night. I didn’t honestly think you could sink can you lower than prowling shopping centres looking for unemployed kids and yet.

As for attempting to justify the military’s presence or existence by pointing out, it’s more at arm’s-length nowadays. Is that better that you can kill more people with less ammunition and you don’t need to look the person in the eye as you do it I mean bravo. Well done, the end result will still be the same.

big boys own adventure where you travel the world, have an automatic bunch of mates, and learn new skills.

That is exactly what my DH's career has been...I've lost count of the countries he's been to.

A lot of the people going into the army probably had issues to start off with, low achievers at school, needed a purpose etc. They then come out and can't cope with having to navigate the world, as life was in many ways easier in the army-they didn't have to worry about the boring things like bill paying, housing issues etc so everything can seem like too much to cope with.

Wow that's one weird moral compass, to object so strongly to the military on moral grounds but be prepared to say that to a widow about her dead husband?

I haven’t read all the comments. DH is serving. I adore him but he lacks empathy and is very good at putting things in a box - refusing to talk about things. I’m fairly certain a lot of the things servicemen and women and have seen and done in conflict does not sit comfortably with them but it’s their job, which is why they shut off and every now and then it can explode. They don’t get the support they deserve. Imagine spending 6 months going through hell, seeing friends and colleagues die, seeing innocent civilians die, wondering if you might die, and then being given a crate of beer and two weeks of water sports and then being expected to return to normal life.
Some serving and veterans are dicks, just like some civvies are dicks. Rather than judge, perhaps just consider he wasn’t the right man for you and be glad you’ve left.

I read it as The parents are dead not the son. Even more tragically wasteful if the DH died in service.