In thinking that ex-army men often have problems

[ExArmywifee]

NC for this as expecting to be flamed. Just out of a relationship with an ex-army man so my judgement may be clouded but AIBU to think they all have issues of some kind? And if I'm right why doesn't the army or forces help them adjust? Or maybe they do & some men just have issues anyway & use the army as an excuse? I think if they go in at a young age & it's all they've ever known it must be incredibly hard to not have that any more. But is it ever possible to adjust & have a normal civilian life afterwards, especially if they have seen active service? Water under the bridge for this relationship but still playing on my mind

I think you'd be naive to think that seeing people blown up, or shot, etc does not have an impact on a person's mental health. Of course it does, but not all soldiers are the same. Like not all civvies are the same.

A large portion of the military will have only signed up in the last decade and not seen the action you describe.

Also, not all of the "army" is front line infantry.

It’s interested, isn’t it that all the posters refuting the fact that the military trains people for violence and that might overspill into the rest of their lives are extremely aggressive and swearing and rude in their replies. It’s almost as if they are quite aggressive themselves

Paramedics seem to have similar issues.

I haven’t read the full thread. But has anyone listened to the incredible album from the singer songwriter Mary Gauthier , rifles and rosary beads? She worked with veterans to pen the album, it’s an incredible moving piece of art. Someone may have mentioned this already, apologies if they have. It’s my favourite album, just exquisite.

My bil is ex army, seen action, he's lovely, so calm and nothing ruffles him, been my bil for over 2 decades so pretty sure that's true. Of course army work can damage some, and some will recover and some won't (and the army has been rubbish at tipping the scales here!) But, the sweeping generalisation just isn't accurate as they never are. Lots of non army guys are awful too.

Probably the most ignorant comment I've seen on MN.

My DS is in the army - so far post tour support has been very good.
By the way SUMMER he's a gunner and a fucking excellent shot.

I know a few women who have served in the forces, and a couple of them have issues too.
Not just men; you’re either being deliberately inflammatory or are massively naive

@peachescariad you must be so proud 🙄

@Mydogatemypurse me too!

Yes I am thanks - now he's training Ukrainians. Super proud

Training more poor young men to end up in a box, congratulations 👏🏻

I know a guy locally who served in forces previously,

You can tell their is something seriously off about him,if you get my drift, you can tell he is just putting in act on the surface to exist,for appearances sake, he sees local druggies /smackheads Alchies walking like zombies about, things I am better than them, more respect for myself,
But he is just as fxcked up as them,I think even more,by stuff he told me about himself,

He showed in interest in me sending me bunch of 💐 flowers,

I have not shown any interest, as I can just tell something about that he is seriously off scale disturbed soul with a temper, looked like a face of one of those 🇬🇧 uk true life murder series type of look,..

Plus he worked in his early teens in a slaughter house killing animals and didn't care or affect him doing this at all,
Weird guy he is ,
I just see view him as quirky 🤪 quite interesting local character to do small talk that's it

I seem to recall a programme on radio 4 where the Guardian were keen to get data on ex service personnel with mental health issues/ in prison and rough sleeping. Very keen to get the data. When the data did not prove sufficient to back up the intended slant though it was dropped.

Good lad. 👍
Cheers easy.

Good to know that all of us who served or are currently serving in the AF are all mentally challenged screwed up murdering thugs.
Until if course, they wanting saving from some disaster or another. Ah well 🤷

genuinely can't believe the ignorance on this thread. Why do you think you are able to enjoy the freedoms you have today? What would happen if we didn't have a military ?! Naive at the most charitable end... When the UK was under attack do you think the forces magically arranged themselves ? I bet the Ukraine are happy they had a strong military ..

Instead of denigrating people that join the army you should be bloody grateful you have people that defend the UK.

I'm from a military family and grew up on military bases. My dad, in the navy for 30 years signed up at age 16 - because he loved the sea, and the structure. He has two degrees and a masters thanks to the navy and is a qualified engineer and electrician. He now works as a civilian marine engineer. He struggled to adjust but I think anyone who has worked for one institution for most of their life does. Most of the work he did was anti drug missions, but he was also in the Falklands, gulf, Sierra Leone and other humanitarian missions.

My sister also was in the navy, she qualified as an accountant with them and then left to become a civilian accountant. Saw no action whatsoever and lives a pretty ordinary life.

My brother left farming due to a painful and severe injury and joined the army. He studied and worked hard to sign up in his role and his physical ability mean he'll always be exempt from active duty. He currently works with refugees, helping them get settled (not in the UK) . He's the nicest and kindest man you'll end meet, who sneaks in nappies, formula and toys for babies in the centre even though he's not supposed to.

The hundreds of other military people I know run the entire gamut from salt of the earth, to scum. Just like every other environment.

Wow. Can't believe what I am reading.

I loved my 20's, all spent in the military. I had good healthcare, traveled (sometimes to not so nice places) played sports, gained professional education and it 100% set me up for life. I'm now married to the military and my husband is the best. I found dating civilians very difficult for many reasons.

There is a lot I can say is wrong with the general population, but you know what? It's really rude to point out others flaws according to your standards. So I won't and maybe you shouldn't either.

Yes, some do, some don't. Just as anyone who suffers any form of trauma is either able to deal with it or not. There is a lot of help offered to military personnel who suffer from PTSD and, despite the contrary reported in the media, it is easily available to those who need it. I believe those in civi street find it more difficult to source assistance than those in the military. And yes, many, probably the majority, go on to make happy and healthy transition to civilian life. Again, some don't but there is help for them also.

Anecdotally I agree. Every client separated from a military man has had a nightmare with him.

@sometimes12387 I think people on the outside have no idea of the opportunities it can bring to be in the military. My dad learned to play squash, badminton, ride a motorcycle, become an advanced scuba diver, build an igloo, cross country ski, abseil and much more thanks to the navy. Some of that we also got to do as his family. We lived abroad, and went to an incredible private school again thanks to the navy. Family life on a nato base in a warm country was idyllic.

Thank you to you, and others on this thread for your service.

I would say it depends on the regiment served in, where they have been deployed to, length of service etc. My partner is ex army and has severe MH and physical problems. My thinking is, these people are trained to kill (ultimately), have taken life and seen life taken. Then we expect them to function in civvy street. Not surprising many of them are struggling. Not forgetting that some probably have MH problems when they join up. If they join at 17, brains are still developing too.

Strangely, any woman on here separating from a civvy man seems to have a nightmare with him too 🤷

@henni85 why do you think they're all trained to kill? Many are trained to be vets, surgeons, accountants, lawyers, engineers etc etc etc. In my entire life amongst the military I don't know anyone who has killed someone.

From Tommy, by Kipling. Nothing changes.

We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, fall be'ind,"
But it's " Please to walk in front, sir," when there's trouble in the wind
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
O it's " Please to walk in front, sir," when there's trouble in the wind

There's a remarkable level of ignorance about what the army actually does and the varied roles within it. I know quite a lot of people in the army but only two of them have ever been in a position to actually kill anyone (whether they did or not, I have no idea).

The others are padres (he might bore you to death but otherwise he's pleasant enough), doctors (certainly not trained to kill), working in intelligence, working in training units for technology and comms, and engineers.

The army is not a mass of men with nothing but guns and a licence to use them.