In thinking that ex-army men often have problems

[ExArmywifee]

NC for this as expecting to be flamed. Just out of a relationship with an ex-army man so my judgement may be clouded but AIBU to think they all have issues of some kind? And if I'm right why doesn't the army or forces help them adjust? Or maybe they do & some men just have issues anyway & use the army as an excuse? I think if they go in at a young age & it's all they've ever known it must be incredibly hard to not have that any more. But is it ever possible to adjust & have a normal civilian life afterwards, especially if they have seen active service? Water under the bridge for this relationship but still playing on my mind

You wouldn't be saying that I'd Putin had invaded us rather than the Ukraine.
No, you would be sat wringing your tear stained hanky while wailing to send in the army.

Yeah yeah yeah, you’re right, the Ukrainian army a holding out so well against Putin 🙄🙄

Army men makes them sound like a toy rather than real humans with real humans.

my partner is ex military, it seems to me that those involved in more recent conflicts have thankfully had more acknowledgement of the impact their experiences will have had. Those between Ww2 and Iraq onwards seem to have been forgotten in many ways.

ofren the biggest challenge is accepting that’s it’s ok to ask for help though

My only comment is to read Tommy by Rudyard Kipling - Says it all really 😔

So your argument against having a military is that having a smaller military force is bad? Well that's an interesting take

They're holding out very well given the circumstances.
My point still stands.

85 countries have obligatory military training.

The problem is governments and politicians not soldiers

Could I respectfully suggest that the debate about whether or not military forces should even exist is not actually relevant or useful for the OP? I’m not sure she’s coming back now her thread’s been hijacked, but still it would be better to start your own thread about it if you really want to continue.

Yes, and no, the majority of the blame of course lies with the governments that society could if we didn’t have pop up recruitment offices all over Birkenhead, gwent, parts of manchester insert any other down trodden area you can think of and idiotic parents pushing their children to take the £180 a week they get paid in basic training maybe the powers that they would need to think of a more peaceful solution than sending your child to go and shoot somebody else’s child.

As for the would I be screaming for the army if the UK got invaded no, I’d be helping, they couldn’t do it worse job than the current shower of shit in power.

I'm still here but you're right, what this thread has turned into is not relevant or useful to me. Sorry to those who want to have that debate.

No I'm not. I didn't marry him. Lucky escape. He moved in with me very quickly, like he couldn't bear to live alone but then tried to force his regimented lifestyle on me. It was all a bit strange really. I'm glad I didn't marry him though

Some of the responses on here are very judgemental and naïve. It's funny really.

My partner is ex army. Brutally honest, but very placid guy and great father with a good work ethic. He had issues after going to war, mainly because it is fucking pointless, brutal, you are cannon fodder and war is a racket. He signed up at a young age as he wasn't sure what to do with his life and got convinced by someone actively looking to recruit. It is hard to go through the brutality of war and seeing death and a country fall apart overnight, and then come back to a world which is superficial and only cares about Kim Kardashians arse. It is quite hard to adjust to that, but I guess if your life is all about influencers and virtue signaling you wouldn't understand.

He got paid fuck all for it and got barely any help when diagnosed with PTSD. He deeply regrets joining the army.

I've met ex servicemen through work who have had MH issues and they are decent guys, but have just been let down upon leaving the army.

You get some nobs in the army who are just cock swinging pillocks, but you will also find them in the police and in the security business. There are nobby men everywhere. I would say at least war and being institutionalised is quite a good excuse for being a dick.

My BIL is retired now at 47 on a fantastic pension and doing consultant work for the army after a great career with them. He hated school - failed really- but they saw something in him. Went on to rise through the ranks and do very well. When he did have issues after returning from one conflict he and my sister were well supported.

I also count a deputy head who is ex forces (signals) as a friend, alongside one female friend who is ex Navy (communications) and another who is ex RAF (chef). The careers on offer can be amazing and the opportunities to get educated without incurring debt are appealing. Not every forces pathway is frontline. I have huge admiration for the forces and what they do whilst also not being a raving rightwing imperialist. It is possible.

Like every career, there isn't always support when you go. But my own career is pretty shite at that. It just doesn't get headlines because i've not been defending the country. The forces are learning how to support. Medical support when you leave is now excellent in the main. My FIL was recently told he could be fast tracked for his skin cancer and got treated immediately as he had been in the RAF and posted in the middle east in the days when they advised you to just take a malaria pill and there was no sunblock. BIL accessed a wide range of physical and mental therapy. I am 100% positive it is not perfect but the experience my family has had of it would mean that I would not be horrified if my children signed up.

@ExArmywifee regimented lifestyle...in what way?

DH was Army. He was a bit insular and didn't talk about feelings easily, but I don't think he had "problems" as such. He did see active service in Cyprus and in the first Gulf war but he had a trade and was never in the thick of it.

Of other ex servicemen I know, the infantry ones who served in Northern Ireland (I don't know any younger ones who served in the more recent conflicts) seem to all be very damaged by it. Something about a "war" where it's not clear who the enemy are. Also children on the "battlefield" used by the soldiers "they won't throw petrol bombs at us while were playing with the kids" but also children taught to torment and throw stones at the soldiers. I'm not making any comment on the right or wrong of it, but among the soldiers I know, it's that arena that seems to have done most harm.

What I will say though is that many young men end up in the Army in the first place because of very difficult home lives. It's somewhere they can be guaranteed a bed/roof and a meal when they can't stay in the family home, so it's possible many of them went into the Army with "problems" and they have no real support network when they come out.

I was married to a Soldier for 25 years. The job and the trauma that came with the job made him gradually abusive, verbally and physically, distant, cold, unfeeling and having casual sex behind my back. Many of my friends husbands were similar. The divorce rate is very high in the armed forces.

I will never allow my children to join or date the forces. Ever

I completely agree.

This is very very familiar. I don't think people who are immersed in the Forces culture truly understand how damaged - and damaging to other people - much of it is. I'm glad you're out, I would also think very very carefully before getting involved again with someone with a military background.

Ill cause absolute hell

DH parents' refused to sign the paperwork for him to go at 16yo. He went at 19yo after 3 miserable years doing an apprenticeship he didn't want to do and which he failed, and went home about once a year. He never forgave them for trying to standing the way of his life's ambition or for not being supportive once he did it anyway and was NC for the last 15 years of his life.

That definitely won't be happening. Once bitten & all that. I'd rather be alone than get mixed up with that again. I'm sure there are some who may be unscathed but I won't be taking the chance.

I will never allow my children to join or date the forces. Ever

That's really not up to you though is it? That kind of obstinate petulance often only creates defiant behaviour in my experience.