Moved to rural area and hate it

[Ruralmumof3boys]

Looking for some advice please

I'm a married mum of 3 boys and we were living in dublin. We have a house in the countryside and during lockdown decided to move and give it a go. We have the house a long time so knew the area we were moving to. We are here over 2 years now and I hate it. Rural living is just not for me.

I hate having to drive everywhere nothing is within walking distance to our house. My family still lives in dublin nearly 2 hours away and I miss them. The kids have friends here now but they can't just go outside and play with their friends it's all drop off and pick up for everything

Our middle son doesn't like it here either but our other 2 love it and my husband is living his best life and refuses to move back to dublin. We still have our house there so it's definitely an option available to us.

I've tried so hard to like it here. I went back to work part time, I'm a childminder, and joined a toddler group locally to meet new people

I just miss be around people and the city. There are also no takeaway places that will deliver to us which is a pain. My husband has slight vision problems so I do most of the driving and always go for the takeaway which I know is only a small thing to complain about

I miss having neighbours to have a little chat with I could literally go days without talking to anyone but my husband

Also the house we live in now is really old and although some parts are fab like the old stonework on the walls it's hard to heat so I'm always cold and the living space is a lot smaller. We gained an extra bedroom which is the only plus point

Any advice on what to do?? I feel stuck here and I'm just not happy

Just came across my post from January and we are now in august.

Country living is definitely not for me!! We are still here as everyone else has settled but i long for my old house. I dont think we have made the right decison as i think the kids dont mix very well with other kids and anything they want to do has to be arranged for drop off and pick up.

In hindsight i wish i had pushed for the move back to dublin when i had the chance as i am stuck here now

I dont think it would be fair to uproot the kids again and move back to dublin but i would advise anyone thinking about relocating to a rural place is think long and hard about it as the facilities for children and teens are seriously lacking!!

You can still move back, it isn't too late.

Will be much harder when they are teens and resentful of being stuck there.

OP, I too, moved rurally, after always having lived in huge cities and towns. I am absolutely isolated, lonely, and going off my nut after 4 years of being stuck here. I can't drive, have only recently managed to secure permanent (though part time) work, and not been able to make one friend in all that time (can't drive to meet up groups etc).
Friendships I have tried to strike up go nowhere. I used to be the social butterfly, always occupied, always happy. I do not recognose her any longer.
I miss cafes, bars, museums, culture, business, gigs....you name it. I have one village shop nearby.

Family are hundreds of miles away and don't stay in touch or some to visit either.

I have had days where I question the point of life at all.

I don't have kids (huge barrier to making friends with other women in my area who are similar age) and am mid 40s. I do have a partner, he loves it here and he has friends and family near too.

I am doing a course in September (to qualify as a therapist) and hoping desperately that this changes things for me once I am accredited, eventually.

I am too skint to move elsewhere right now but really hope in 2 years time I can afford to move into a city. If I don't, I fear I will deteriorate more.

I don't have any advice- I just felt very moved by all your posts and see myself in them, and want to send a virtual hug💐 x

Thanks for the reply @nonfictionaddict so sorry to hear you are feeling the same. I think some of us are just not built for country life. I like to visit now and again but not for everyday living.

I hope you get to move soon and get back to feeling more like your old self i totally understand how you feel. I definitely feel like i have changed myself

Keep your head up and there are always better days ahead x

That is very hard OP. I live in a village 1 hour from Dublin and while its quiet, there are takeaways, the school is walking distance and children can walk to most of their friends houses.

I have a friend about 10km out the road between 2 villages and she has to drive the children's everywhere, drive to the shops, its such a pain.

Would a village/small town be an option to move to, you would have a bit of life around you but still has a country feel for your DH?

Thanks too! Agree sompletely, some of us just aren't made for the rural life. I guess you only find out once you immerse yourself in it. I'm hatching my plans and hopefully will get out asap, or at the very least start having city breaks or a happy medium (e.g. I work in nearest city Mon-Fri).
All the best and I hope you are able to find a way forward that makes you happy too x

@Rumors1 thanks for the reply i will look into somewhere else but it would mean selling the house and im not sure my dh would do that its an awkward situation to be in

If you hate it as much as I did from the moment we moved to the countryside over 20 years ago now, then my advice would be MOVE now. The longer you leave it the harder it gets to work up the energy for moving. Go now. Give your children and yourself a chance at some life. The countryside is draining on every level. Driving is the least of your problems, but if you could not for any reason then you may well be marooned. You probably are also in a time warp: no nice shops to go to, no theatres or other places of entertainment. All I can say is that I wished I was dead the moment "village life" reared its ugly head. People are SO nosy and SO judgemental - why anyone would want to live here beats me. Never knew I had it so good living with the sound of the M25! Bliss compared to the tractors and other farm vehicles, to say nothing of crows, bats and sheep and cows. MOVE NOW!

@Devondepressed did you move? Looking at your user name looks like you didn’t . It’s one reason we live in Bath and pay a premium to do so - I do like nice countryside a lot and we have tons -but I like shops and bars and gigs and theatre and cafes too , all on a regular basis - living rural wouldn’t be for me I admit.

You are so right. The countryside is the pits in every way that matters to me.
Bath would be lovely - much more life. But now we are both 80 odd and my husband had been diagnosed with dementia. My cup overfloweth! I have no life at all and my advice to anyone even uncertain is MOVE NOW and quickly! before you are trapped.

@Devondepressed my FIL at 85 moved 3 months ago from a dull depressing place in Kent to a 3 bed bungalow in Frome but only a small garden, so now has tons on his doorstep and it’s good to see him enjoying cafes, his visits to B&Q and his new funky neighbors - I’m sorry to hear about your H - as you say I think for him it was easier as on his own - his ex partner was attached to where they lived as all ‘her’ family were there but died in 2019 - he was going to move in 2020 but kind of lost the will and I think it was the thought that he might lose his license that gave him the shove as only 1 bus every few hours where he was and 7 miles from nearest proper town - I understand how you feel