Dd playmate friend now bulling dd on state of our house

[IncessantNameChanger]

I can't get my head around this. Dd is in year 3. Her friend is 7. She came for a playdate about two months ago. Dd has just told me that her friend has only now started telling people about our house. Dd shares a room ( she is one of four). We live in employers cottage in an extremely money area.

I could understand it if 1) the kid was older 2) it was straight after the event.

How does a little kid get so snooby and nasty about money / size of house so young? Why has it taken two months to become bullying material? I won't be ever having that child in my house again but it's now made wary of any play dates. Dd is my youngest. Never had this angle of bullying before.

Your spelling mistake gave someone an opportunity to feel superior for a brief moment.
We all knew what you meant.
It’s that “semantic” poster I feel for.

What worries me is that dd is in love triangle. She is the unpopular third wheel. Another girl has been quite nasty and I worry that she has asked for dirt on dd to try to alienate her. Then I catch myself thinking "they are 7 ffs!"

The other girl will be nice to dd some days just so she can then exclude her and tell the classmates to all ignore the next few days. 7 year olds aren't that smart are they?! I think it's got me paranoid.

I have discussed it much with dd. She was crying, I said she sounds mean and avoid her if she is upsetting her. I'm not going to pass on my own insecurities.

I'm not going to approach the other mum unless it continues and the school don't step in. I have never found confronting other parents works.

Children can be absolutely horrible at this age -& younger. 20 + years of being a primary school teacher have & my jaw still drops when some children come out with unpleasant comments.
Yes, it normally comes from their parents point of view, although not always.
Your dd needs to have some very mumsnet replies ready up her sleeve or give the Paddington hard stare to let the other child know it’s rude & unacceptable to speak to others like that.

The child will be copying someone. Possibly a particularly snobby ignorant family member.

My ds has a little friend who, the first few times he came over, refused to eat because the food came from Tesco. He told me it was disgusting (copying his father). I just shrugged and we all sat and ate while silly child sat and watched - and got hungry. 😁

He's learnt not to be so foolish now. He's always welcome, he's a child, it's the father who is a knob. I'm too old to be worried by such stupidity. It doesn't bother me and you shouldn't let it bother you.

Thanks for explaining. I'm extremely used to it. I have a lifetime of people making assumptions about my IQ and educational levels based on my spelling. I worked for 17 years in a top 3 global IT company as a programmer and I'm sorry to say my employers never knew as I am ashamed to be dyslexic. I will always be ashamed of my learning difficulties but I can program a system that cost the client over 50 million so I don't meet many people irl that think I'm I'm thick.

I do laugh when people say no one judges or looks down on people with LD. The majority ime absolutely do. They can't see past it. I'm thick first, dyslexic second. "A made up condition for the lazy" heard it all before

Love triangle???

Unfortunately it can happen even from a ten 10 year old girl. One of dd old friend was, still is so awful since even before tween - she is 16 now, truly awful things she said about her own friends and us, absolutely no truth in it neither. Her mum & dad are fine so I really think it is just her nature.

Don’t let it get to you. That poster really showed their arse.

OP, as you know, this isn’t about your house, it’s about the children’s friendship dynamic. One wants to be in charge/popular, so sets the other two against each other. Probably not really as a thought-out, conscious plan.

It’s not my business but you do seem lacking confidence in how others see you.

Little girls (more than boys) can be like this and it even worse in their teens - not all of them but some. She just needs to find another friend. Most children in the class will not care less what house she lives in. Keep inviting people round.

Depending on how it is said, and how regularly, it may well be bullying however.

I really don't understand how it's bullying unless the two girls are using this to isolate your daughter or repeatedly belittle her.

I think the issue is probably more of the dynamic of 3 of them (and I suspect yours is also sometimes annoying and mean too so don’t believe she is always above it). Every time I’ve had play dates with three kids there are always tears and someone feeling excluded. They’re only 6/7 but children who are absolutely lovely in twos, fours or bigger groups can be horrible in threes. I was shocked how mean they all were to each other last time I had 3 of them together playing.

One of my DDs friends once referred to our house as "a shed". Snobby little cunt. They're not friend anymore.

I tried acnecide cream by doctor but I think it's gotten worse. Also any tips on makeup would be appreciated. I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but its making me very self conscious. I used to have such lovely clear skin

Sorry just realised I didn't start a New thread my apologies!

Only one person commented on your SPAG@IncessantNameChanger. And that individual (Begoniasforever) made a glaring error in her post, which other people reacted to. @Begoniasforeverwasn't even gracious enough to admit her mistake. I expect she'll disappear from the thread and name change.🙄

WRT your DD's situation@IncessantNameChanger I agree with some PPs that the tone of the comments makes a difference. If the other child is just imparting information, it could mean nothing. But if she's teasing or taunting your DD about her room or her house, that is another thing entirely. I agree with your approach of telling your DD not to play with the girl if she's being unkind. I wouldn't involve the school yet but if the situation escalates, it might be an idea to have a word with the teacher.

@Cam22 oh the shame, more shame, all the shame. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? It's all getting too meta for me lol

@willowbow @sallyfacts it may have only been one person who corrected OP but how did it help OPs problem or help the thread to carry it on and on? Just start a thread in pedants corner or whatever it’s called if it matters that much to you all.

Yes definable taunting dd as she said she was telling everyone to tell others that she shares a room. Like it's abnormal. It's not abnormal unless your a family of four or have a four bed house or bigger. I guess that's why it's got to me. It's a million miles from my own upbringing and what was normal in my home town.

I'm wondering if someone is going to call MASH because of this level of squalor. I normally just say "they don't sound like friends, I think you need to play with someone else" but this has really grated on me. Or maybe because we have four kids? Just feel like a bit of a freak show after inviting them in to have some fun.

@IncessantNameChanger what's FO? Or do you mean OF?

Children can be unkind.

We had this years ago when DD was about the same age.
We had just bought a house in a nice area that needed renovating.
We were working our way through the work and DD had a friend over.
The friend then started being really cruel to her at school about our home.
Luckily she had nicer friends who didn't give a toss and hung around with them more.
The parents heard this child's comments and didn't pull her up on it either.
The ironic thing though, this girls house was a mess even though her parents were loaded!

I'd say make the teacher aware of what is being said and not to have the girl over anymore.

I hear you OP! Not sure if this helps but we live in a similar area, have a large house, the cars, the loft conversion and the jasmine (😉) but are still looked down upon by a number of both DD’s friends as we don’t have a 6 bed, 4 bathroom mansion with acres of land and a zip wire. I bristle horribly when I hear the condescension of these little girls, having grown up very poor in a tiny house with no garden at all and am very defensive after these comments. But this is my issue and I’m trying hard, but probably failing, at not passing that on to my girls.

I honestly think in my case it stems from parents as there is so much judgement in the schools, that I’m sure it just gets passed to the kids. I’m torn with the bullying point, as I don’t know if it is quite that, but it was said and meant meanly and your daughter is upset by it and it sounds like this girl is worth avoiding for that alone. My elder daughter’s friend informed her that her mum/I was sad and going to give her mental health issues as I ask her if she’s done her homework every night. I think she is lashing out at something that she lacks and is expressing it the only way she knows.

Encourage your daughter to have friends whose company she enjoys and steer her away from those who don’t give her any joy. Also, don’t take young children’s comments personally, as they won’t even remember them a few days later whilst you/I are still stewing.