Dd playmate friend now bulling dd on state of our house

[IncessantNameChanger]

I can't get my head around this. Dd is in year 3. Her friend is 7. She came for a playdate about two months ago. Dd has just told me that her friend has only now started telling people about our house. Dd shares a room ( she is one of four). We live in employers cottage in an extremely money area.

I could understand it if 1) the kid was older 2) it was straight after the event.

How does a little kid get so snooby and nasty about money / size of house so young? Why has it taken two months to become bullying material? I won't be ever having that child in my house again but it's now made wary of any play dates. Dd is my youngest. Never had this angle of bullying before.

”Draws is the plural of the verb to draw, as in art.”

Erm…draws is a verb. It doesn’t have a plural.

Drawer is singular.
Drawers is plural.
Draws is a verb.

I have a Masters in Applied Linguistics and I actually couldn’t agree with you more.
Language is purely a way to convey a message.
We got the message.

It sounds annoying and unkind OP. My son has a friend who constantly compares his abilities, his house, car, etc. with others, and he's very full of himself, even at age 9. I don't think there is a lot you can do but to raise your kids to be above it. No matter how rich / clever / talented tgey are, there will always be someone who has more.

Kids as young as 7 know the status of cars, houses, toys and clothes. I could feel it years before I ever knew how to articulate it. If you grew up with the “wrong” house, toys, clothes and no car you knew it deep inside from a young age. You knew what people thought about you from the looks they gave you and the stinging comments which let you know you are not good enough. And the feeling never leaves you.

Quite so. Hoist with his/her own petard, I think.

I don't think it is bullying if it is just a child stating facts. Your dd shares with her brother we which is quite unusual at 10 and 8. So on the day friend came your house was messy. Mine is often messy especially child's room as child has learning disabilities. Perhaps bedroom seemed small with both beds in. Other child might have large room to herself. It is just different. Your child could say I just use bedroom to sleep in. I play in living room with my toys. She could say to her friend oh, I don't like sleeping in a room on my own, poor you on your own.

And now sans swearing? 🥱

I'm so immersed in the grammar debate I've long ago forgotten what the thread was really about.

Bet the Op just made a typo.

Ooh another favourite “explanation”!

I would talk to the other child’s mother.

From what you say I’m not sure the child really meant to be unkind. Children of that age are always surprised that other people’s families / houses aren’t exactly the same as their’s. If her mum is a neat freak then an untidy bedroom could be worthy of comment. At 7 she may not / may not really intend that as rude.

You have nothing to feel defensive about, but you have got yourself into a bit of a state (which may be influencing your daughter’s reaction). Take a deep breath, go see the mum, explain you know her daughter probably didn’t mean to upset anyone, but can her mum please explain to her that she shouldn’t make comments about other people’s home lives.

If you do it nicely and calmly the chances are the mother will be mortified and put her daughter right.

Then go home and tell your daughter it’s not a big deal and she has nothing to be defensive about.

It's often trotted out that children don't notice these things, but in my experience, they do! I was very observant and aware of my friends' homes - and they were usually much more affluent than mine.

Not much help, OP, and I feel for you - it's a rotten situation. I guess that they hear some stuff from parents and other adults, but they do also make comparisons. I definitely wouldn't be inviting that child back.

To take over the thread of someone who has said they feel down, by pulling them on their spelling/ autocorrect mistake to make them feel even worse, is not a good look. Can you all go and argue it elsewhere?

OP I was always the kid with less than my friends so I get it. If it’s said again I would go back to school and say it’s not ok, it’s continuing and is bullying. If it was just said once without malice I would let it go, and try and explain to dd how different people have different homes but as long as each person are loved and cared for that is what is important

“the other child also lives in a small semi but has a loft conversion and only two siblings. Two BMW on the drive but the mum seems lovely”

I don’t understand why you are bringing up the size of their house and why it’s such a surprise that they are ‘lovely’ yet have two BMWs? 😂Sounds like you are also judging them, maybe you are sensitive about your house and passing this on to your DD? I wouldn’t call what the girl has done bullying as such although I would ask them to have a word with the girl about being sensitive that people have different homes and not to comment about it, more as a learning opportunity. And your DD would benefit from some learning on resilience too.

I really wouldn't think anything of it! 7 year olds will often say what they see and have no concept of tact. My youngest is 7 and she has made some cringeworthy comments which I have pulled her up on, nothing intentionally malicious just factual and tactless. I suspect she is more aware of these things as she has older siblings and has subsequently been exposed to a wider cross section of society with the third child being dragged around on drop off's / pick ups for the older two.

One of the boys in my son's class has been a little bullying racist homophobic shit for a few years now (he's now about 10), because his parents are racist homophobic shits. I worked in schools and pretty much the kid absolutely parrots what they have heard at home etc. The girl has undoubtably heard mummy and daddy dearest spouting similar classist crap.

But she lives in a house of the same size…

To take over the thread of someone who has said they feel down, by pulling them on their spelling/ autocorrect mistake to make them feel even worse, is not a good look. Can you all go and argue it elsewhere?

Only one person did that and the rest were taking them to task.

I don't think it's the mum honestly she seems very nice.

Depending on the tone, this may or not have been intended as bullying. It's unusual for a child as young as 7 to tease others about that sort of thing, or to see people's status in terms of their room and how big it is and whether they share (untidiness just possibly, especially if they themselves have been told off for not keeping their room tidy).

The child might just have been chattering without much thought. Perhaps another child had said something like, 'I have to share my tiny bedroom with my sister, and she makes it so untidy!' and this child replied, just as something to say, 'Well, Namechanger'sdd has to share her tiny bedroom with her brother, and he makes it so untidy!' Silly, but no malice intended.

Of course, if the tone was taunting or sneering, it's a different matter.

A singular verb is one that has an s added to it in the present tense, such as writes, plays, runs, and uses forms such as is, was, has, does. A plural verb does not have an s added to it, such as write, play, run, and uses forms such as are, were, have and do.

Do ypu have other friends whos kids share rooms?
I think id use the angle of this other child must have not met many different types of people, as its completely normal and fine to share a room in loads of families, and lots of people prefer it as they get lonely at night. Also how rude that child is to make comments like that after someone has been nice to them and invited them to play. Tell your dd that you might have a smaller house than some people, but other people dont have a house at all, and that you consider it to be a lovely cosy house, with lovely people who at least know how to be kind and share things.

I haven't read the entire thread but if people are picking apart my spelling I'm a graduate with dyslexia.

I do apologise for my learning difficulties. Please be assured it has no bearing on my IQ.

As you was. Oe were. Like I say I don't know. I do hope you could grasp the basic voncrpt of the thread without bring too distracted by my illiteracy. Thick and poor me. The worst combo

It's not necessarily bullying if it's true though, and what the child said is just as you have described yourself. Children are blunt and say it as they see it, without the nuances of adults - typical "Why is that lady so fat?" kind of stuff.
Be careful about calling it bullying, you could create a self-fulfilling prophecy there if you aid or allow your daughter to get upset over this.

I think it might be better expressed thus:

Haaaa, the grammar police SHOOT themselves…

Only one person corrected you, OP. In doing so they made errors themselves, one glaring, which several of us pointed out.