Page 8 | How do I tell DH that DD19 & BF18 want alone time

Safarigiraffe · 2023-01-04T20:53:02+00:00

Hi DD19 & her BF18 want to start spending a bit more alone time together - basically when round here during the day to spend some time alone upstairs in her bedroom like at her bf house. DH did say before he felt uncomfortable with that but I do want to tell him they want to spend time together in her room as well as downstairs but not sure how to say it to him as he’s overprotective in his ways.

NoSquirrels · 05/01/2023 00:24

Safarigiraffe · 04/01/2023 22:11

DH has agreed with DD19 that her bf can be round and they can spend time upstairs as long as she respects some house rules of door stays open & no staying overnight at our house
DD has agreed with that

If that’s what’s been agreed between your DD and your DH why are you getting involved?

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:26

My parents were adamant before marriage no matter the age children and spouses slept separately. Maybe old fashioned but I respect it

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:27

BrownEyedGhoul · 05/01/2023 00:23

Of course women can be misogynistic, but not when they are treating men and women exactly the fucking same!

I repeat, who the fuck wants to have sex with their parents in listening distance? thats so much weirder than parents NOT wnating to k now about kids sex lives.

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Why do they have to be in listening distance?
What's weird is that you want your children to either pay a landlord a lot of money and make their financial future more difficult. Go do it in a back alley in the middle of winter, and of course never invite you over to stay in future because you might just be in earshot.

All because you can't go for a walk for a bit, or go to another room and put the tv on loud.

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:29

I will say growing up though we didn't have a culture of staying in our rooms everyone was downstairs mingling unless going toilet upstairs

BrownEyedGhoul · 05/01/2023 00:30

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:27

Why do they have to be in listening distance?
What's weird is that you want your children to either pay a landlord a lot of money and make their financial future more difficult. Go do it in a back alley in the middle of winter, and of course never invite you over to stay in future because you might just be in earshot.

All because you can't go for a walk for a bit, or go to another room and put the tv on loud.

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Go for a walk? You think a teenager should ask her parents to go for a fucking WALK so she can have sex?

This place is full of nutters. Christ allfuckingmighty.

Allsnotwell · 05/01/2023 00:30

We had 3 kids and were married and DH’a parents never put us in the same room!

RobertsRadio · 05/01/2023 00:30

If the DD wants to have sex with her boyfriend she can do what those of us of a certain age had to do, be imaginative. That's what the back of cars, the woods, the beach and friends's flats are for, until they get their own place where they can shag their little brains out. Don't make it easy for them, it takes all the fun out of it.

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:32

BrownEyedGhoul · 05/01/2023 00:30

Go for a walk? You think a teenager should ask her parents to go for a fucking WALK so she can have sex?

This place is full of nutters. Christ allfuckingmighty.

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She has to ask now? You can't just tell her you're off for a bit?

LahLahLoopsy · 05/01/2023 00:32

RobertsRadio · 05/01/2023 00:30

If the DD wants to have sex with her boyfriend she can do what those of us of a certain age had to do, be imaginative. That's what the back of cars, the woods, the beach and friends's flats are for, until they get their own place where they can shag their little brains out. Don't make it easy for them, it takes all the fun out of it.

Exactly! Can use their own house too, when the parents are at work etc!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 05/01/2023 00:33

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:26

My parents were adamant before marriage no matter the age children and spouses slept separately. Maybe old fashioned but I respect it

So a married couple in their 50’s with 2 adult children would have to sleep separately ? Utterly ridiculous.

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:34

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:32

She has to ask now? You can't just tell her you're off for a bit?

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Find it weird you'd actively leave the house in the hope your children have sex like you're keeping a schedule

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:34

RobertsRadio · 05/01/2023 00:30

If the DD wants to have sex with her boyfriend she can do what those of us of a certain age had to do, be imaginative. That's what the back of cars, the woods, the beach and friends's flats are for, until they get their own place where they can shag their little brains out. Don't make it easy for them, it takes all the fun out of it.

Yeah so much fun being caught on cctv and put up on youtube. What's wrong with people.

LahLahLoopsy · 05/01/2023 00:34

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:32

She has to ask now? You can't just tell her you're off for a bit?

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You're going to guess when the teenagers want to have sex, and leave the house of your own accord? What if you come back and they aren't done? What if they're going for three times a session...they are teenagers after all....how long are you walking for?
I'm not sure you've thought this through.....

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 05/01/2023 00:34

RobertsRadio · 05/01/2023 00:30

If the DD wants to have sex with her boyfriend she can do what those of us of a certain age had to do, be imaginative. That's what the back of cars, the woods, the beach and friends's flats are for, until they get their own place where they can shag their little brains out. Don't make it easy for them, it takes all the fun out of it.

I can’t believe people are advocating for putting their kids in dangerous situations and have their children commit crimes. All for the sake of pearl clutching ideas of <whispers> sex

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:35

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:34

Find it weird you'd actively leave the house in the hope your children have sex like you're keeping a schedule

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You find it weird I'd give the adults I've raised a bit of space to be adults?

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:35

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 05/01/2023 00:33

So a married couple in their 50’s with 2 adult children would have to sleep separately ? Utterly ridiculous.

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I don't think you've read my message right...

2023goals · 05/01/2023 00:35

I repeat, who the fuck wants to have sex with their parents in listening distance? thats so much weirder than parents NOT wnating to k now about kids sex lives.

Parents have sex with their partners with their children in “listening distance”. How many people have younger siblings? No one expects parents to live a sex-free life.

Following that logic, their adult children might have sex in their own bedroom at their parent’s house. It’s not that strange of a concept, presumably both couples are discreet?

it’s not about “wanting” your parents or your children to hear you having sex…it’s not voyeurism. It’s just that’s where they live and sex is a part of life. There is a way to be discreet and respectful

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 05/01/2023 00:36

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:35

I don't think you've read my message right...

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How didn’t I read it right exactly?

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:36

LahLahLoopsy · 05/01/2023 00:34

You're going to guess when the teenagers want to have sex, and leave the house of your own accord? What if you come back and they aren't done? What if they're going for three times a session...they are teenagers after all....how long are you walking for?
I'm not sure you've thought this through.....

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No, I'd just give them some space now and again. Up to them what to do with it. I'm not going to leave my 19 year old with a babysitter either.

pinkpotatoez · 05/01/2023 00:39

I bet he'd be fine with his son going upstairs, tell him to get a grip

LahLahLoopsy · 05/01/2023 00:40

pinkpotatoez · 05/01/2023 00:39

I bet he'd be fine with his son going upstairs, tell him to get a grip

Really weird bet. Much more likely he has the same rule for both. I do.

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:44

Mouldyfoodhelp · 05/01/2023 00:26

My parents were adamant before marriage no matter the age children and spouses slept separately. Maybe old fashioned but I respect it

@LydiaLydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

My parents were adamant BEFORE marriage no matter the age children and spouses slept separately.

I guess it can be misread and is up to interpretation but I meant my parents children so me and my siblings and the children's respective spouses. That being said this was a rule known from our early to mid twenties. Two of us are not in relationships and I wouldn't expect to take a random partner upstairs to jabs sex and the other is moved out for over a decade with 3 children and I'm uncertain whether they would be able to I suspect maybe but they wouldn't pop upstairs at 3:30 to have a mid afternoon delight

CafeCremeMerci · 05/01/2023 00:44

MadeofElephantStone · 04/01/2023 21:04

Your DD is a grown woman, she really ought to be able to spend time alone with her boyfriend in her home if she wants to. Your husband is being ridiculous.

'Grown Woman'. 🙄🙄 Shes legally an adult, it doesn't make her a grown woman

If she wants to have sex with her boyfriend, she doesn't need to do it while her Dad is watching the tele.

she can move out & house share.
it's not a right to have sex so obviously & make others uncomfortable.

@Safarigiraffe your DH doesn't have to allow them to have sex when he's there. It's his (your) house, not hers.

It's irrelevant if his parents don't mind.

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:47

CafeCremeMerci · 05/01/2023 00:44

'Grown Woman'. 🙄🙄 Shes legally an adult, it doesn't make her a grown woman

If she wants to have sex with her boyfriend, she doesn't need to do it while her Dad is watching the tele.

she can move out & house share.
it's not a right to have sex so obviously & make others uncomfortable.

@Safarigiraffe your DH doesn't have to allow them to have sex when he's there. It's his (your) house, not hers.

It's irrelevant if his parents don't mind.

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She can move out and not look back too. That's usually what happens when parents want to treat their children like children for their entire life.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 05/01/2023 00:48

Agree that if she wants all privileges she should move out. Her father shouldn't have to subsidize her love nest.