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Original poster

How do I tell DH that DD19 & BF18 want alone time

253 replies

Safarigiraffe · 04/01/2023 20:53

Hi DD19 & her BF18 want to start spending a bit more alone time together - basically when round here during the day to spend some time alone upstairs in her bedroom like at her bf house. DH did say before he felt uncomfortable with that but I do want to tell him they want to spend time together in her room as well as downstairs but not sure how to say it to him as he’s overprotective in his ways.

OP posts:
Olive19741205 · 04/01/2023 23:34

Why is your 19 yo DD at home?

This must be one of the Mumsnetters who advocate to throw them out the minute they turn 18.

sianiboo · 04/01/2023 23:34

When I was 19 I'd been with my then boyfriend (ultimately 1st husband, at 21) nearly 2 years and we were engaged. He wasn't even allowed upstairs in the family home, had to use the downstairs toilet.

Didn't stop us having sex for one minute, of course. We either went around to his parents - who never even tried to stop me being alone with him in his bedroom - or did 'it' on the beach, down country lanes, parks, etc...

I'm now 53 and about 10 years ago I told my mother all of the above. She was horrified, of course - she honestly thought I was still a virgin on my wedding day. I then took even greater pleasure in telling her that my 1st husband wasn't even my first sexual partner...

DianeAdores · 04/01/2023 23:45

Olive19741205 · 04/01/2023 23:34

Why is your 19 yo DD at home?

This must be one of the Mumsnetters who advocate to throw them out the minute they turn 18.

Not at all. However, I think young adults need to become independent for their own sense of self and well-being, if for no other reason. This involves not being a permanent resident at home. University is a good in-bteween stage.

HotChoxs · 04/01/2023 23:47

Blossomtoes · 04/01/2023 23:19

It’s his house, he can be as “rediculous” as he likes. What became of “my house, my rules”?

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It's been superseded by don't bring children into this World if you can't handle it Confused

Blossomtoes · 04/01/2023 23:48

HotChoxs · 04/01/2023 23:47

It's been superseded by don't bring children into this World if you can't handle it Confused

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Not in this house, it hasn’t.

HotChoxs · 04/01/2023 23:52

Blossomtoes · 04/01/2023 23:48

Not in this house, it hasn’t.

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Time to update to 2023 then. Yes, people copulate.

OldFan · 04/01/2023 23:55

IDK maybe he has traditional values. It's kind of wholesome.

BrownEyedGhoul · 04/01/2023 23:58

HotChoxs · 04/01/2023 23:52

Time to update to 2023 then. Yes, people copulate.

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Yes, in the own houses.

BrownEyedGhoul · 04/01/2023 23:58

their

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 04/01/2023 23:59

OldFan · 04/01/2023 23:55

IDK maybe he has traditional values. It's kind of wholesome.

Yes misogyny is so sweet and wholesome. How gallant to try and have some weird control over your adult daughters sex life like it’s ‘yours’ to control somehow

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:00

Rollingaroundinmud · 04/01/2023 21:51

She can get a flat and do what she wants in it. His house his rules don’t like then she’s old enough to find a flat so she can do what she wants.

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Yeah like not invite him over

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:02

BrownEyedGhoul · 04/01/2023 23:58

Yes, in the own houses.

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Yes because people should get their own house before they copulate. What a realistic idea.

BrownEyedGhoul · 05/01/2023 00:04

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 04/01/2023 23:59

Yes misogyny is so sweet and wholesome. How gallant to try and have some weird control over your adult daughters sex life like it’s ‘yours’ to control somehow

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Misogyny? I'm a woman and neither my sons nor my daughters can saunter into my house and expect me to accomodate their sex lives. Where is the misogny?

They can sneak about and shag in random places like the rest of us had. More fun that way anyway. Who wants to be getting down to it with the auld pair within earshot?

HotChoxs · 05/01/2023 00:06

BrownEyedGhoul · 05/01/2023 00:04

Misogyny? I'm a woman and neither my sons nor my daughters can saunter into my house and expect me to accomodate their sex lives. Where is the misogny?

They can sneak about and shag in random places like the rest of us had. More fun that way anyway. Who wants to be getting down to it with the auld pair within earshot?

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Is that what you've done during their childhoods? Or did you just stop having sex.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 05/01/2023 00:07

BrownEyedGhoul · 05/01/2023 00:04

Misogyny? I'm a woman and neither my sons nor my daughters can saunter into my house and expect me to accomodate their sex lives. Where is the misogny?

They can sneak about and shag in random places like the rest of us had. More fun that way anyway. Who wants to be getting down to it with the auld pair within earshot?

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Please don’t think women can be misogynistic. Thinking a man’s creepy hold over his adult DD’s sex life is ‘wholesome’ is misogyny.

Accommodate their sex life? Unless you’re standing around giving them tips, allowing them to use their room is not ‘allowing’ them.

Id also hate my kids to sneak around like I had to. Like many here I used to use dodgy country lanes and fields to have sex. A copper once tapped on our window and basically said “move along and we’ll say nothing more about it”. These days you’d be arrested out in the register and face plastered all over social media by a police account. So preferable than doing it in a warm bed 🙄

Titsywoo · 05/01/2023 00:08

I find this all very odd. My dd18 is asleep in her room right now with her 20 year old BF. He stays here quite a bit and she stays at his too. Are they having sex? Yes I would assume so. Does it make me uncomfortable? No why would it? They are adults in a happy relationship and are safe.

BadNomad · 05/01/2023 00:09

Have you made sure your daughter is comfortable with you and DH having sex while she is in the house? Or does only his feelings around adults having sex matter.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 05/01/2023 00:10

DianeAdores · 04/01/2023 22:13

Why is your 19 yo DD at home?

I can't imagine why a 19 year old would be living with her parents in the middle of a cost of living crisis and at a time where rents have increased 60% quicker than wages

It's absolutely baffling

Findyourneutralspace · 05/01/2023 00:11

The phrase ‘alone time’ has cringy sexual overtones. Id just say they want a bit more privacy, and leave them to it.

Mothership4two · 05/01/2023 00:11

Yes he is being OTT especially if the daughter has asked for them to go there to hang out as OP seems to be implying. She's a bit too old for an open door rule IMO

2023goals · 05/01/2023 00:12

hannsmum · 04/01/2023 22:24

This . I agree . She can get her own place if she wants to start having sex with her boyfriend.

Not in my house. The thought of my daughter having sex while I'm in the house is vile to me

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A lot of parents have this view about their daughters having sex with her boyfriend, but not about their sons having sex and casually booking up under the same roof. This is from my experience growing up and with my friend’s parents.

ultimately, sex is a natural thing and a huge part of life. By making it difficult for your adult kids to have sex at your home, you’re not stopping them from having sex but making them have sex in more dangerous situations like parks or alleyways or shady airbnbs with hidden cameras.

Mothership4two · 05/01/2023 00:18

Agree @2023goals it's sexism plain and simple.

Thinking about your children having sex at all is weird IMO

Allsnotwell · 05/01/2023 00:19

My 19 year old is home from Uni over the past 3 weeks she has spent time here with her boyfriend and time at his - they are joined at the hip - they are both lovely together.

Why wouldn’t I want them here? I’d never see her otherwise!

I took DH some getting used to and now he’s not bothered in the slightest! Who needs them hanging around in the living room anyway?

Mothership4two · 05/01/2023 00:21

Same here @Titsywoo two 19 yo's upstairs. Some odd comments on this thread

BrownEyedGhoul · 05/01/2023 00:23

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 05/01/2023 00:07

Please don’t think women can be misogynistic. Thinking a man’s creepy hold over his adult DD’s sex life is ‘wholesome’ is misogyny.

Accommodate their sex life? Unless you’re standing around giving them tips, allowing them to use their room is not ‘allowing’ them.

Id also hate my kids to sneak around like I had to. Like many here I used to use dodgy country lanes and fields to have sex. A copper once tapped on our window and basically said “move along and we’ll say nothing more about it”. These days you’d be arrested out in the register and face plastered all over social media by a police account. So preferable than doing it in a warm bed 🙄

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Of course women can be misogynistic, but not when they are treating men and women exactly the fucking same!

I repeat, who the fuck wants to have sex with their parents in listening distance? thats so much weirder than parents NOT wnating to k now about kids sex lives.