How do I tell DH that DD19 & BF18 want alone time

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi DD19 & her BF18 want to start spending a bit more alone time together - basically when round here during the day to spend some time alone upstairs in her bedroom like at her bf house. DH did say before he felt uncomfortable with that but I do want to tell him they want to spend time together in her room as well as downstairs but not sure how to say it to him as he’s overprotective in his ways.

Presumably she lives there?

What the fuck? She is 19. Still living at home is very much normal.

And if you, the OP, are acting as go between here, then your daughter isn't as ready for the world of adult relationships as you think she is.

It’s like MNers don’t read the news and think times were like when THEY were 19 and it was east to get a nice cheap flat. There are students using food banks FFS but yeah just go and get a flat you can’t afford with checks you won’t pass just so you can watch TV with your fella - or heaven forbid have sex

Cos this is a family home why should I get rid of my daughter cos she’s 19 this is as much her home as well

I’d love to know where these magically available rooms are for rent that anyone can just get in. Sounds a doddle!

@Coffeellama

But it's 'the OP's house, the OP's rules'?

You're saying the H's opinion doesn't count but it's equally the OP's house and yet her opinion does?

That's very inconsistent.

Is how we describe ‘my house’ whoever’s name is on the mortgage then?

Because then renters don’t have houses, nor do small children. Or family members. Or partners.

I’d hate to have the mindset that money is king when it comes to your closest family members.

This . I agree . She can get her own place if she wants to start having sex with her boyfriend.

Not in my house. The thought of my daughter having sex while I'm in the house is vile to me

A 19yo should do what is nigh on impossible and rent somewhere she probably can’t afford just to spend time in her room with her boyfriend

Some of you sound like those deranged village elders of the 1950’s who’d shout ‘shame’ at people who lose their virginity and take babies off teenager mothers. I always wonder what kind of people did things like that. Then I come onto MN and realise just how hung up people are about young people and sex.

The irony is, you’ve all had sex but are horrified your offspring, who you conceived thanks to sex, may have it 🤣

UC is not looking after people young people have to work on themselves so they can afford to live independently.

They'd be much quieter with the door closed 🤣. I find it bizarre that she'd even ask to take her bf upstairs. I'm so glad my parents were never weird like this. They told us (once old enough) that they used to have to go out in the car when they were dating. My sister's boyfriend's parents bought a house down a country lane and my parents asked where was it and then roared laughing, a favourite spot of theirs back in the day 😆. My mum's parents were very religious so even though she was 20 she was creeping around down country lanes with her boyfriend (my dad). Thankfully it has meant our parents were cool and open, you are better shagging upstairs in the comfort of your own home rather than a dark shadey lane.

She wants to spend time alone in her room with him. Doesn’t mean sex.

Who is UC?

No one’s suggesting you join in, for fuck’s sake.

Universal Credit

Lol.

I imagine these MN with a purple rinse and hair net like Hilda Ogden (even though they’re about 42) pressing a glass against their child’s door and holding their ear up to it. Even when their child is alone 🤣

Right…what’s that got to do with anything?!

I’m in two minds - yes your DD should be able to go up to her room with her BF, and yes she’s an adult. But if it’s obvious they’re having sex then I don’t think anyone has to be comfortable with that - I certainly wouldn’t expect friends staying over to be going upstairs clearly to have sex during the day.

I’m also curious about lots of responses that think it’s totally ok and that your DH is BU - on threads about adult children staying at their parent’s houses with a partner and parents have insisted on separate bedrooms, the response is usually “their house, their rules - you can always get a hotel”. The obvious difference here is that it’s also DD’s home - but it also sounds like she might need to move out and be the adult everyone is stating she is, if she wants to do exactly as she pleases.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet nothing here about acting like village elders. 🙄It's just a matter of opinion.

In fact I did it in my house when I was 18 but not when my parents were around. So I'm not painting myself to be a saint.

I just think it's disrespectful and cringe for my daughter to be having sex at 18 while I'm right in the house .It doesn't mean im stopping her from having sex at that age

It's just disrespectful TO ME

No, I’m saying both count.

It's 'his house' Jesus what century are you in?!

Why would you assume she’d have sex with you downstairs? It’s very possible they’d just be watching TV.

I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who, at any stage in their lives, would have sex with their parents in the vicinity. I visit mum for weeks on end sometimes and wouldn’t touch DH with a barge pole even though I’m early 40’s!

I agree with this too.

And if she really doesn't like it, she is an adult and can move out and do what she likes in her own house.

Because most young people of 19 are at university, or are keen to move out and become independent. My home is obviously my adult children's home too, but if they were to move back in, I'd expect them to play by my rules. Those rules would include going elsewhere to have sex.